I've been divorced now for almost six years. My ex-wife committed adultery multiple times during our marriage. One time I had to go to the health department to be tested for an STD. The other time that I know of she slept with a close family member of mine. I married her and she had two children already and we had my only biological child together. We lived together for almost eight years. Now here's the unfair and biased part. Although I had legitimate grounds for divorce she was still entitled to half and child support for my daughter. I consulted three attorneys on this (male and female) and I was informed that if I had behaved in the same manner. She would be entitle to more. Needless to say, my ex-wife go to live in our house rent-free for three years and plus for 18 months I made child support payments for my daughter while I had to live with my mother. I had the child support stopped because I was still was paying the mortgage where my ex and the children resided.
2007-06-02 04:26:05 · 14 answers · asked by roughruggedraw 2 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
After that however, the ex-wife got involved with Child Protective Services because of neglect of my daughter. I also began to pay child support again at this time because the ex-wife and children moved out of the home. CPS placed my daughter with me but they couldn't address the child support situation. They suggested I try for free legal aid, but I didn't meet the income qualifications. To make a long story short, I had to hire an attorney for $5,000 of which I am still paying for today, in order to get custody of my daughter. Had I not had the money, my daughter would still be with her mother or some family member on her side of the family. I had to pay for the divorce and custody out of my pocket. I haven't had a girlfriend or prospect of a long term relationship in six years. This has hurt financially, emotionally, and socially. Men have to pay to exercise our rights. That's inherently unfair. Women scream equality but in these matters it's just lip service.
2007-06-02 04:34:04 · update #1
Hi, wow. I agree with you that the system is biased against men, and feel that it is the backlashing result of a long history in our country of men leaving families, disappearing and not doing the right thing. It's also a leftover of the old days, where women didn't support themselves or their own children financially. Someone mentioned the courts' being too overwhelmed to deal with the "he said she said" situation in a divorce. So the innocent get trampled? Divorce aside, child support should be based on NEED, and on a case by case basis. A man should not be forced to give up his home, his assets, move back in with his parents, while his wife collects and spends the child support in unsupervised ways. The child support should NOT be doled out in lump sums, bills should be submitted for clothing, health care and other necessities, and the parents should SPLIT THOSE BILLS. Yes, it is more work this way, but it is FAIR.
2007-06-09 01:54:23 · answer #1 · answered by Guinness 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It all stems from the old belief that "women are the child-raisers" If the state has had to intervene and take your child away from her, you might have a good chance of getting custody because the state has evidence on paper that she's obviously not a very good mother. It'll cost you a lot more money, but I think you'd have a chance, ask an attorney. I've heard so many stories of guys getting screw over when it comes to divorce. Women are horrible evil creatures and should never be trusted. Best of luck man, I mean it.
2016-05-19 03:39:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I am not a huge fan of no-fault divorce laws. There are some benefits, of course, but there are also some downsides. Without any presumption that one spouse has "broken" his/her vows by commiting adultery, judges have a lot more leeway in determining who gets what. It *might* have gone more in her favor if the reverse were true. However, there is no legal requirement either way - it's up to the judge. I am friends with one woman who is actually paying alimony to her ex-husband, and he cheated on *her*. (No children) The fact that there is a presumption that whatever is aquired during the marriage belongs to both parties is not inherently sexist or biased.
I agree that this is a pretty lousy situation. However, there really is no evidence that divorce laws are currently biased against men. For example, if a SAHM gets divorced, the judge will often "assign" her a potential income of whatever she last made while working full-time. He does not have to factor in child care expenses, or the fact that she might not be able to find a job with that pay so quickly. After doing that, *then* they come up with child support levels. And, seven out of ten times that a man asks for custody, he recieves it. Most men don't want it, since it is more costly (in many ways) to raise a child full-time than pay child support.
Men are now seeking to lower child support levels the more time they spend with the child. The woman, however, is not allotted a "bonus" for all the time she puts into childcare. The man's time counts, the woman's does not. In addition, the most common reason for lowering child support levels is that the man has decided to start a second family. I doubt many mothers of "first" children find this terribly fair.
2007-06-02 08:30:40 · answer #3 · answered by Junie 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
My Mother ran off with Her girlfriend are dumped My brother and I in the process. My Father tried to look after us but a social worker intervened with the result that I have not seen My brother in nearly 50 years. Do You know why She had us placed in foster care? Because " .....Men are biologically incapable of nursing young children...." That is what She wrote in Her report. And the system took Her word for it. This is the same Woman who had Me returned to My 'Mother' upon Her request. Several times. Whilst I was been neglected and beaten by My 'Mother' the world looked the other way. Why? Because She was a woman, and having made the mistake of giving Me back to Her, no body wanted to be seen for the complete and utterly incompetent Women that They were. I was the one punished for the politics of others. Men do know how to raise children. Anyone can learn to do it. The main thing that social service organizations seem to have against Men is the fact that They go to work in order to give Their children the best care that Their can afford.
2007-06-09 10:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by Ashleigh 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you.
That is a truely sorry state of affairs that you should never have had to go through and it is because of inequalities and injustices in the law.
It is wrong and the law needs to change. The law needs to recognise the rights of the father and equalise them to that of the mothers.
The current prejudice that the law holds the mother at a higher status than the father is wrong and is very dissappointing. Both parents need to be recognised as being potentially very fit parents and not just the mother.
2007-06-02 04:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by Nidav llir 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
That is sad and so unfair. I respect a man that takes care of his kids.
That is ugly and not fair.
Well i raised my three kids alone and it wasnt easy. I didnt get child support.
My kids love me and their dad is a stranger.
How sad she will be the u ltimate loser.
In the end you will win and all she will have in her life is ashes.........
What you sow you reap and she will get hers.
My life is great now. I have a true and faithfull mate. My kids are grown and love me and turned out so great.
They are polite strangers to their dad. He is sorry but it is too late! you are wonderful and it is a honor to know that there are fathers and men out there like you!
2007-06-06 15:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by tennessee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand where you are coming from but as a woman I lost my son to his father. I have to pay HIM child support and I paid all of the bills while we were together. I worked throughout my whole pregnancy and he went out with friends and did drugs to my knowledge. So sometimes there are opposites to the spectrum. Rare as they may be your not alone sometimes the opposite sex gets it stuck to them too!!! Good Luck sweetie.
2007-06-09 16:03:38 · answer #7 · answered by Lucia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is biased. I wish that I had married someone like you that actually took care of his family.
but in several cases the mother is the custodial parent. this is how the courts see it. there has to be just cause why she shouldnt be custodial parent.
if you had reasons why she was a unfit parent then she would be paying you child support.
if you feel that she isnt a good mother then you can petition the court for custody.
you need to call your local CSEA ( child support enforcement agency, becuase if she is with you, then they need to give you your money back, adn then go after mom for child support.
2007-06-02 04:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by princess peach 3 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Because feminists pushed for biased laws that hold women unaccountable for their behavious, thats why. Responsibility for making a good choice partnerwise is placed soely on the man. As Kymimom said maybe before you enter the sacred contract of marriage again you will make a better choice,or else, tough luck kiss more of your dollars goodbye.
2007-06-02 05:12:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
All I could say is that, man, I feel for you, and agree that you got screwed and it's not fair.
This is why I think that divorce laws where everyone automatically gets half are unfair. Different situations require different solutions.
2007-06-02 04:52:39 · answer #10 · answered by koreaguy12 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋