Why do people think they can continue to hurt you?

Question

Honestly, how many times should you let it go when somebody you love so much continues to do things that cause you so much pain? My husband and I have been argueing a lot lately and I express to him how he hurts my heart when he says mean things to me like "I don't want to be with you anymore," or "I want a divorce" and then leaves the house mad. Then a little while later he's calling me saying that he is sorry for what he said and he did not mean it he was just angry. Seriously, I should not have to worry about that just because we have a disagreement about something. It's as though he wants me to keep doing what I do as his wife and just shut up about the wrong things he does.
Only serious advice please. My heart is in PAIN.

These are a couple of examples of what he does that I feel are wrong. I understand the music industry has crazy hours but give me a break, coming home @ 5 or 6 am, that's so not okay. Also he always seems to be too busy to spend much time with me or even talk to me on the phone.

Oh, I forgot to mention that this morning I put my things in my car before I left for work and I told him I can't take it anymore and I am tired and then I left.

Answer 1

Wow, in some ways, I see your situation mirroring what was once mine. My ex used to say and do the same thing all the time. But when he finally found someone who wanted him back (he couldn't leave until then due to lack of self esteem, in my opinion), he now says he meant it, when he said he was unhappy and doesn't seem to remember telling me that he only said those things out of anger, which he too would say after blowing off steam. In all seriousness, pay close attention not only to his words but also to the signs he's giving. You're setting yourself up for more pain. Seek marriage counseling if at all possible. If not, leave because he will and without giving a damn on how he left and how he left you. My soon to be ex, left me pregnant, with a 7 mnth old baby, left us with unadequate housing ( our house foreclosed), and so much more all because, according to him, he was "unhappy". Even today he shows no remorse and even justifies what he did by saying "he would not have done it if he was happy". Granted people breakup due to some level of dissatisfication but to leave in such a way is unexcuseable. What happen to once loving the person, friendship, our past and our children?

Please listen to someone who is going thru the outcome you're headed in eventually. Leave now or try to see exactly where he is at. It aint pretty if he leaves you helpless because he's living ok with another woman. My soon to be ex, would smile in my face and come home pretending everything was fine, yet when he went to work, he had a different face on to others, speaking horrible about me behind my back. I would try to talk to him and even asked him was he talking badly about me, he lied and said no all the time. I had to stoop to planting a recorder in his car to discovered the ugly truth. Not only was he bad mouthing me, he was bad mouthing me to the whore he is with now.

Again, take it from me, his words means more than what he is telling you, so don't sleep. Love can blind you from reality, so ask really close friends what they think of him. So many people told me they saw my husband as fake, two faced and disrespectful AFTER the fact because they knew how much I loved him and figured if they said anything I would see it as an attack. So welcome their advise, not to say take all of it but LISTEN to them and LISTEN to what you're husband is telling you. Remember, If it wasn't a thought of his, then it would never have been said. There is some truths to what he is telling you, he is obviously waiting for HIS right time to leave.

I wish you well and I know it hurts but please stay positive.

Answer 2

He continues to do this because you give him no consequence for his actions. He knows that you will get over it as soon as he says he is sorry. The way you are doing things are not working so you have to take a whole different approach to him. The next time he acts out like this you tell him you have had enough. You tell him to pack his things and get out because you are not taking his mental abuse anymore! You tell him that he needs to go away and think about himself because he is not coming back through that door untill he gets help for his behavior. Tell him if he cannot do this he can stay away and when he is ready to file for a divorce you will be standing there with pen in hand to sign them. Let him know that if he walks out that door one more time in a fit of anger that the locks will be changed and you will call the authorites to escort him off the porch! Tell him you have had it and that you will not be treated this way from him again! When you do this you have to stand on it and not back down. He needs to understand that when you say enough that means enough. When you do this he will change his ways if he wants to stay in your life. Best wishes sweetie.

Answer 3

I would say you should see a marriage counseler, but no guy wants to go to that. Check if he's been drinking, because lotta guys do stupid things and make mistakes drunk.
If he isn't drinking, you could try giving him a taste of his own medicine. I don't reccommend that if you think he'll really try to divorce after you say that.
If none of the above, try going on a vacation. Get some time away from the stress, just the two of you.
Hope it helps and i wish you best of luck.

Answer 4

If he is willing i would recommend marriage counseling. I have yet to be married, but i still now what he is doing is not healthy for you and your marriage. Sounds like he has a little temper. If he wont go to counseling and try to work on this with you than maybe its time to see what options you have. I am sorry to hear that you are in pain. if you want to talk you can email me at [e-mail] .I wish you the best

Answer 5

To threaten to split up for the sake of winning an argument is extremal childish on your husbands part. He needs to grow up and find a better way to get his point across before he cries wolf one to many times and you end up leaving him.

Answer 6

Your husband should not be forbidding you from doing something you're smitten by. If his basically subject is with you kissing or protecting human beings, take a seat and communicate your obstacles with eachother on it. you will desire to have somebody assist you truly then carry you returned. perhaps communicate over with him approximately doing appearing or modeling as a pastime and spot what he has to declare. stable good fortune working it out.

Answer 7

I think you did the right thing by leaving. If he promises to change, I'd give him ONE more chance, but--as I think will happen--if he goes back to the old ways you should divorce him.
He has no right to hurt you deliberately like that, and he needs to see that you are serious!

Answer 8

You both are children. Either get some counseling and find out what your issues are without inducing rage in the other person, or get a divorce.... both of you love the pain.

Answer 9

Because you let him hurt you. What are you fighting about? Are the issues you are fighting about worth the pain the fighting is causing.

Just stop fighting with him. It takes 2.

Answer 10

They continue to hurt you because you allow them too. Take control of your life where they can't. When someone see's they can use you as a doormat they will.