2007-06-02 01:54:53 · 17 answers · asked by virgox 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thank you all. I really appreciated your advise. I had discussion with my husband, he asked me is it necessary to have kid in our life, its a huge responsbilities and a life long responsbilities, he is worry about having a child, we will have to put all the attention to our kid, all love and financially...he said life is too short and if we cant promise to give the best to our kid he choose not to have one. and i am not sure of this. I cant insist, and i cant promise this either..and really confuse about life...as i will be 35 years old soon, this has become a really important decision to make now. We have talked about this topic over and over again, i have think of divorce as well, but will this help?
2007-06-02 02:58:15 · update #1
I'm assuming by the way you've written this that you do want children and he doesn't.
What you knew 5 years ago doesn't matter one little bit now. Water under the bridge does not foretell the next 5 years.
You have to decide what you can and cannot live with.
Your needs are as important as his. Your wants are as important as his. You're partners. If one partner chooses to withhold something the other partner needs, then the relationship becomes -- and remains -- unequal: no longer a partnership.
If you cannot live without children and your husband cannot live with them, then you need to move on.
If you're not sure you want children and your husband does not want them, his needs carry more weight.
You don't deserve the scolding you're getting, nor do you deserve to beat yourself up. If you're sure you want kids, you're going to need a father for them. That means that you'll need to move on.
Good luck.
2007-06-02 02:25:28 · answer #1 · answered by lmerrittaz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it should have been discused five years ago or more... but that is crying over spilled milk!
What needs to be done now I beleive is basically a fresh discussion on your stance with kids and get a generraly view as to why he does not want kids. Who knows, it just might be a simple reason that you can help him get over! Ultimatly, diolouge is the first option then action based on the outcome of the conversation. This is not predictable....
Have the talk first.
Good luck.
2007-06-02 09:04:46 · answer #2 · answered by blackpus88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this something you discussed before marrying? If you knew when you married him that he didn't want children, you shouldn't have married him. These are the things you know before you marry someone. Maybe you need to give this some time, not wanting children and not being ready for children are two separate things. At any rate, if you want children and he doesn't, it's time for a very serious discussion with him. It may also mean the end of your marriage.
2007-06-02 09:05:51 · answer #3 · answered by Midnight 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well did he say he wanted kids before you married him and if he did
HE LIED to you and I would nenver stay with a man like that if he knew you wanted kids from the start and said he did too
Then walk away he will never change his mind about wantiing them now
Tell him you still want them and that you have the right to be a mom and them go find the right man that can not waait tyo me a dad
2007-06-02 09:01:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have talked to him about this before you got married, but now you can't go back. The best thing you can do is sit down and talk with him about it, find out if there is any particular reason he doesn't want children, and see what you two can do as a compromise - if either of you are willing to compromise.
2007-06-02 09:04:00 · answer #5 · answered by just a mom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Did you know this before you married? Usually these kinds of things are checked into before saying I do. If it means that much to you then divorce him and take time to start over with someone who meets that need as well as other important needs and ask before saying I do.
2007-06-02 09:00:15 · answer #6 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should have talked about this 5 years ago. if your husband doesn't want kids, what's the reason? you need to talk things over, but this should have been something you discussed BEFORE you married. if no compromise can be reached, or you feel as though he'll regret or resent the kid, then you need to go separate ways. good luck.
2007-06-02 08:58:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
So did you know this before you married him? If you did then that agreement should be honored, if you didn't have an agreement then you should face him on a serious level that you want to have a child and did not intend to spend your life childless.....go from there.
2007-06-02 09:01:28 · answer #8 · answered by Conrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are supposed to discuss these things BEFORE you get married. Things like this are why the divorce rate is so high. Good luck.
2007-06-02 09:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by mystery_me 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats part of the responsiblity of talking b4 marriage. You dont marry a person if you didnt talk about important issues like kids.
2007-06-02 09:13:48 · answer #10 · answered by mcalano77 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋