Can anyone out there give me some serious advice please?

Question

I have a 14 year old son who it seems will not wake up and see the light of day due to his attitude problem, or realise the mistakes he is making and the implications it is having upon his life. If anyone out there has suffered the same problem and can advise me with any SERIOUS advice only, please contact me on my e-mail address, your help will be greatly appreciated

Answer 1

Jon boy. When you get a little older, you will understand that what is giving you grief now is insignificant. I failed 8th grade math and science and was grounded for 9 months. Real shitty but i laugh about it today. And so does my father. Your attitude will make you lots of money one day. Just make sure you are pure and kind. Good luck, godspeed

Answer 2

I have so been there and honestly it is like bashing your head off the wall. My son is 16 years old now but when he was 14 he just would not listen to a word i said, skipped school etc etc and ended up with no standard grades.

You dont say if schooling is a problem but that was the main issue with my son. however since he left school at xmas he is on a training scheme and has had 100% attendance. He has matured and changed since he left school and gets himself up in the mornings.

The only advice i would say is to try and not be too heavy all the time and focus on the small positive things he does even though you are seething in side! Keep explaining why you are worried and that you love him and hopefully that will see him through. Trying doing grown up things with him and asking his opinion about things and ignore the petty stuff that doesnt really matter like mess of room, hair style etc. The teenage years is an endurance course for us parents but it does pass!.

I was so scared for my son, felt he was ruining his life but it had no impact on him and at the end of the day they make their own decisions what ever we say.
Good luck !

Answer 3

i have 3 kids. my eldest girl has a very serious illness. she has nearly died on numerous occasions. she, against all the odds is well on the way to recovery. my eldest son, was blessed with a very high IQ. but, he was a little **** from almost the moment he was born till he was 20. he is 26 now with a 1st class degree but more important he is a great blOKe and would do anything for any one. my youngest son, is dyslexic and cant read or write. he is carving out a career in the army and is loving life. what i am trying to say, is, sometimes you can look at your kids and the mistakes they make it fills you with despair. but, most people grow up ok in the end. the odds are, that your son will be an excellent bloke one day. as long as you can keep from killing him till then. hold on. keep telling him what is what and right from wrong. even if he don't listen now, keep on doing it. most of all, be there, and love him. it will be OK in the end

Answer 4

I sympathise because my son is 15 an it's hard going.I think all you can do is calmly put your case and listen to him and try and reach a compromise.

I think teens and parents are designed to drive it other apart so that they will be able to separate more easily when the time comes.

I have felt so upset by my sons behaviour (he is fine with others but really difficult to live with) that I have spoken to lots of other people and most parents feel the same about their kids to a greater or lesser degree.

I feel really sad that the little boy I one had has turned into this sullen and opinionated teen.

I hope things will get better and I have a feeling they will.

My mother had awful problems with my sister drinking,smoking and shoplifting but things settled down eventually.
My sister got a good job and now has children of her own ,who yes, you've guessed it are playing her up no end!!!... justice done i think.

Answer 5

Tough love, my friend. I had the same issues with a daughter - started when she was 14 - drugs, truancy and finally dropping out of school, shoplifting, hanging out with losers, wrecking cars, she pretty much did it all. It probably wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did or gone on as long were it not for her mother constantly bailing her out of trouble and not allowing her to suffer the consequences of her actions. Finally when she hit 18, I did what I should have done years earlier - I sent her to another state to live with relatives, didn't let her come back no matter how much she begged and cried, and told her mother that if she didn't like it, she could go with her. Problem solved.

Three years later, she's made a good turn-around and gotten her life together. In the process, she realized that her parents really did have her best interests at heart and understood a hell of a lot more than she gave us credit for.

The lesson here is that both parents (if both are in the picture) absolutely need a united front. In addition, kids need to learn that actions have consequences and they have to be resonsible for their own actions. The lesson for parents is that sometimes you just gotta let them crash and burn for them to learn something. Constantly bailing them out of trouble does no one any favors.

Answer 6

14 seems a bit too young for the tough love advice. Not without trying other approaches first, over the next couple of years.
Can you help him find something he really likes doing, and encourage him in it? I had a dreamboat of a daughter who once got a half percent in a literature (!) exam when she was about 12, because of not bothering! But she took to learning to play the piano, mainly because of a sympathetic teacher, and somehow it just widened out from there to affect other areas of her life, and life itself began to seem worth living. Doesn't much matter what type of activity it is, or what level he can achieve in it - he just needs to enjoy it and want to take part.

Answer 7

Clarie, on no account run from somebody to somebody ..... It takes time to heal .... yet you had an incredible guy effect you, your thoughts and you observed how this is going to be carried out .... Do you at present recognize the form you decide on a guy to handle you .... the form you desire to be respected? Then the middle soreness replaced into properly worth it ..... you found out ..... no which you have a development .....a thought with the purpose to communicate ... you are able to go searching you once you meet human beings to verify how persons degree up ... over the years your perspectives and needs & desires would exchange .... yet you have own understanding of this guy to assessment & study to others alongside your existence direction .... someone who's greater valuable appropriate for you (closer in age) will come alongside ..... i pitty the fool ... he has super shoes to fill ..... yet I wager he will think of your properly worth it. in the adventure that your in college ... attempt the counsilor for a referal on who to communicate with, there may be peer counsiling communities too, the Church can help ..... final shot get the mothers and fathers to study the scientific reward .... yet your appropriate shot right here ... is time and assembly new human beings. stable good fortune

Answer 8

Be loving, kind, understanding, caring, compassionate... FORGET the HEAVY patriarch stuff...
be gentle, don't shout, chill... (take a deep breath)
think before you speak...
LISTEN far more, & be open minded... let your son off-load / de-stress...
be available i.e. always there... reassure him of that...
just advise, don't threaten - be strong, but firm, not nasty or vindictive.
If he was better motivated, he'd jump out of bed in the mornings...
What's he interested in?
What's in his way / stopping him from doing that???
Help him sort that (& his head) out.
Be his rock.

Answer 9

Why dont you talk to your son? calmly. explain how you feel. let him know you love him and want whats best for him. Maybe then you and him can sort out how things can improve . or you could always write him a letter. good luck

Answer 10

Dont try to prevent it just say you wont be there to pick up the pices AND MEAN IT AND STICK TO YOUR WORDS.
A few sticky bouts and he will not be playing the rescue game as you are allowing and enabling , promoting now



TOUGH LOVE!