frustrated and confused about the social scene?

Question

I am so tired of people making plans with me and then canceling at the last minute, i mean if they had a good reason to cancel and didn't jsut cancel with me instead of telling me that they were canceling, it really hurts to have people do that, especially when all these people are the ones wanting you to be more social, cause when they cancel just outta the blue it makes my paranoid, shy person, insecure mind start thinking, what did i do wrong, thinking aobut what they might be thinking, "i was gonna hang with her, but i had a rough day at work and she just wouldn't be good on my relaxation vibe, i mean she is so akward, she barely ever talks, just sits there and doesn't do anything, i wouldn't want her here today" i don't know, i always just wonder if that is what people are thinking. It isn't my fault i don't talk that much when i go places, i barely know anyone, just the people that invited me. I hadn't exactly had much luck with friendships you could say

being a military child almost all my life, i would make "friends" and they would say, before we moved, "we will keep in touch with you" but the second i am gone they forget about me, i send them a letter when i get to the new state..but no one responds, and i wonder, were you just being a pity friend? I have never known how to talk to new people, i always just wait till someone talks to me, I want friends, but i am scared that any new people that become my friends will do the same thing to me as did the people that forgot me did, i am tired of being the girl in the corner of the lunch room or eating lunch on a bench outside because i don't have any friends in the lunchroom, i am tired of it, but i am so scared that those people will leave me too, and i am so tired of being alone.

Can anyone help me, i just want help, i feel so unwanted and useless, and i know parts of how i feel are not justified but it is how I feel, and i may have left parts out or written thing wrong, please help

Answer 1

Start being the first one to reach out to other people. I was just like you...the kid who sat alone, didn't talk much, had very few friends and my family moved alot. I had a hard time making friends cause I thought "what's the point, we'll be moving again and I'm going to lose everybody I know." The hardest part was starting all over again. New school and a whole new group of people to get to know. I was very lonely. People use to say the same things about me. "He never talks" "He's so shy" ...and I use to think exactly the same things you do. I learned to start reaching to people. Find things you have in common with other people. Once you start doing this you'll see more and more things that you have in common with other people. I promise you, it gets easier the more you do it. There may be times you'll feel discouraged but you've got to keep reaching out to people. That's how you'll meet new friends. I was terrible at conversation with people. I learned to look for things in others that was similar to me. Usually I meet people that I connect with on some level. Whether it's cause they are in the same situation as me, or cause I use to feel how they are feeling now, or they like the same things I do, etc. Part of what happens when you feel so lonely is that you get caught up in a circle of sadness. It's like you only see all the reasons that a person wouldn't want to be your friend. Instead...start looking at all the reasons this person would want to be your friend. Be a little bolder and take the first step in meeting people. Don't be afraid to step outside of that loneliness and reach out to others. Keep looking for things you have in common with others. Never stop looking. Remember...the more you do it, the easier it gets. Try this...(with a smile on your face) walk up to someone, (reach out to shake their hand) and say "Hi my name is ____, nice to meet you." Then say something like, "Isn't it beautiful out today? I like your outfit. Where did you get it from?" Most people can't resist a friendly smile. Ever notice when you smile at someone they smile back?Even if you don't know them. By asking questions, you'll be influencing the person to respond and before you know it you'll find yourself in a conversation with the person. It's challenging at first, but then it gets easier and easier to do. Try it and let me know how well it works for you.

Answer 2

It may be that your "friends" just have short attention spans. They're easily distracted away from your more structured way of socializing. You could try adopting their strategy yourself, just casually hang out and drop in on people. Or you could seek out people who are more attuned to your ways.

In any event, I doubt it's your "fault". People just have different ways of relating to each other.