Am I being stupid for feeling a little jealous & weird over this?

Question

My hubby & I are going to a wedding in Aug for his best friend, Mike, who lives in Austin. They've been best friends ever since he dated Mike's sister, Bridget. That r'ship has been over for 10 yrs but I can't help feeling a bit weird & jealous still. He &this girl aren't in touch at all & haven't spoken in many, many years so that's not the issue. But every time we go to Austin, we always visit Mike which of course reminds me of HER. I always thought when you broke up with a person, you kinda cut ties w/ their family too. I think I'm insecure over it too b/c 1) he wouldn't even be friends w/ him if he hadn't dated her so all their memories revolve around that time, 2) my hubsband's family is still close to Mike's family, and 3) this was my hubby's 1st love & they dated for over 3 years. At the wedding, I'll have to be around her the whole time. Weird. I guess I feel like the odd duck out. I mean, it'll all be people who, at 1 time prayed Bridget & my hubby would get married.

I should mention my hubby & I have an AWESOME r'ship. He's such a wonderful husband & we've talked about this issue. But I don't feel right asking him to ditch his bf just b/c of the sister - it's not like the guy can divorce her! :)

I just feel like at the wedding, everyone will be looking at me like "oh that's the girl who killed all our dreams." Both families are very close. I'm very close w/ my hubby's mom and I KNOW I'm gonna feel jealous & weird seeing her chat w/ his ex. I'll be thinking "back off b*tch,you HAD your chance to join his family!" I should also mention - the reason they broke up was b/c she cheated on him. Am I being crazy for feeling jealous at all when I have a great marriage & he would never want her?

Answer 1

If your hubby respects your feelings & doesn't hang out with this chick - you shouldn't have anything to worry about. It's not his fault he turned out to be best friends with this guy, things like that just happen. Just be glad she's not in his life. Sounds like you might actually have one of the decent guys out there :)

Answer 2

I probably would'nt go if it made me uncomfortable.....but you could always take the ride with him and stay in a hotel and when the wedding is over the both of you could have a romantic night together. Just explain to him that you feel a little uneasy about things and you don't want to be sitting by yourself while he is in the wedding party. Tell him you will be fine back at the hotel relaxing at the pool and reading a good book. Let him know you would enjoy the alone time and when he gets back from everything you'll have a jacuzzi bath wating for him. If he acts like this would upset him and he really wants you there then go and at the reception hang all over him and show a lot of affection to him......maybe you could invite one of your friends to go along to have someone to talk to and keep you busy. One thing is for sure is that they didn't get together and he married you. If she was so great and things were so wonderfull they would still be a couple and they are not! Best wishes sweetie.

Answer 3

I've been in your shoes. The important thing is to always remember, no matter what people thought in the past, YOU'RE the one he's with now and forever, and YOU'RE the one he CHOSE to spend the rest of his life with! Be confident and feel good about that and you will make a better impression all around.

Being jealous and over protective or sensitive will only justify their bitterness. ("See, look at how she IS about him! Bridget would NEVER be so insecure and smothering!") If you act polite and friendly and CONFIDENT about your marriage, people will actually come around and even let you know that they're glad he met and married YOU. (Yes, this happened to me. And it's really weird, but it's because they saw what a nice person I was and THAT is what won them over.)

Some of them will just never get over it, but ignore it. That's THEIR problem and THEY actually have insecurity issues. Some of my husband's family just never liked me from day one and there's not much I can do about it. Let it go.

I'd be honest with hubby though, and let him know that, even though you are trying to feel confident and not be insecure, you need his help. Ask him to just make a point of holding your hand, or making sure he introduces you to everyone ("Hi, this is my wife..."). He should be understanding and at least he'll know to make an effort. (Men need to be reminded sometimes!)

Hubby's not in touch with the girl and she's probably moved on in her heart too. So you have nothing to fear. People are always going to be nostalgic. But this is now, and he's YOURS. Celebrate with the brightest smile you can and just be happy to share in his happiness.

You'll have a wonderful time and afterwards you'll probably have an incredible evening together! Be confident and polite and I guarantee it. Hubby will realize how madly in love with you he is and how he definitely made the right choice.

Answer 4

You say:
It was 10 years ago,
They haven't spoken since,
You are close with your mother-in-law
You have an awesome relationship with your husband.

For Pete's sake, what are you worried about?

You are basing all your feelings on "what if" and "they might". You are full of imaginations about what these people you don't even know are thinking, feeling, and wanting. The only actual facts you have are listed in my first paragraph.

Do a reality check. Stop imagining about what "might" happen.
Go to the wedding.
Enjoy the people you know and like.
When your MIL talks to the woman, turn your back and don't look.
If you encounter the woman, smile pleasantly and move on.
If anyone else brings up the topic, smile and say "Well, it all worked out in the end, didn't it?"

If your relationship with your man is all that awesome, why are you this insecure?

Answer 5

You think too much. The only thing that matters is that you and your husband are doing great. That was all in the past. You can't expect him to cut ties with his best friend. Best friends are close with the family as well. Your husband is with you, and that's what really matters. Dont give him a reason that he made the wrong choice. Have confidence in yourself, b/c he's done nothing wrong. If anything, I'm sure his ex has more reason to be jealous of you since you got the best guy in the world.

Answer 6

You're not stupid for feeling a little jealous and weird, but I wouldn't let it affect me if I were you. You said your husband and Bridget haven't been in touch for many years, so you don't need to worry about her. As for the rest of her family & friends, I think they've had ten years to let it sink in that Bridget and your hubby are a thing of the past, and that's plenty of time. Don't assume all of your husband's memories of Mike revolve around Bridget. Obviously they don't, because he still keeps in touch with Mike, but hasn't spoken to Bridget in ages. Go, try to have a good time, and try to give Mike's family the benefit of the doubt. They're obviously nice people, or your husband wouldn't still keep in touch with them (NOT Bridget). Chin up! You'll be fine.

Answer 7

LOL!! No really, I met my bf when I dated her brother. Brother and I have been broken up for 11 years now and she is still my bf. Their family hates me of course because I turned their son into an alcoholic even though I don't drink very often and when I see him things are cool. His exes on the other hand have always forbid him to talk to me and guess what ...he did any way. If things are great between you two then go to the wedding, say nothing to hubby, and just keep thinking..I get to take him home tonight!

Answer 8

You're totally normal and quite honest. There was a time i would have felt like you do, now i would be secure with my hubby. I would try to look my best, and just show your self confidence [not attitude] it's not the same thing. Just be very nice, be the woman he is proud to have. Be serene, not a show off, smile and mean it, you are everything she could not be for him. Have one drink, that helps. only one, even if he goes up to talk to her, that MEANS NOTHING TO A MAN. What are you best features? mine are my legs, so i would sit or stand there in a knee length dress & heels, and just enjoy my drink. Learn to be total womanly, it is you who he loves, not her, she is the past that is all she is. She may even be sort of nice. The most beautiful girl in the world looks ugly if she acts jealous, so never act that way. Have a good time, & anyway this event is not about her.

Answer 9

Its okay to feel a little weird, but go knowing things did not work out between them and they did work out with you. Have fun with your hubby and show them what a great couple the two of you make....Bridget will most likely bring a date or even (cross your fingers) husband as well.

Good luck, relax and have a great time.

Answer 10

Forgive me, yes, you are! Not every couple breaks up cut all ways of contacting ever, and not every, breaks up dramatically, like movies, with her photos teared up, and his cloths out of the window! You're not the 1st one in your husband's life, and mostly, you're not the only one he loved. To be special for him that he picks u from all the previous and the possible futural women he might know, as a wife, for the rest of his life, no wards can explain, actually explaining is useless! Life sometimes take us away, that we forget the point of it, and forget how lucky we are, with them! You know the answer of your own question. Go to Mark's widding, congratulate him, he's ur husband's friend! and meet his sister with smiles, and remember that the man introducing u, is your Husband! he needs u in all times, Fully Understanding him, with no childish fears or actions.. Have fun! and be his wife!