Are there any long term, meaningful relationships that have NOT started out with "the spark"?

Question

I dont feel a spark for my current man,

but he's such a sweet and decent guy. He cares for me so much, and he spoils me rotten despite me telling him not to...and he texts me every morning to say "good morning" even when i have to wake up at 6 in the morning and says "good night" to me every night. Things that he doesnt really have to do. I like him a lot, i honestly do....but i just dont feel all tingly like people say i should.

...please re-assure me...

Answer 1

yes, I married a guy after hiding from him so he wouldn't ask me out. We have been married over 30 years

Answer 2

This is a tricky one. I have had the same problem over the years and frankly I'm still not terribly sure of the answer! I guess I am telling you this because I know how you feel.

It's good that he likes, cares, dotes, loves etc for you this much. But how you feel is just as important. Him feeling like this is one thing. You are another. You definitely like him a lot but that doesn't mean that you HAVE to love him or stay with him, and frankly the deeper stuff comes with time. You cannot MAKE yourself feel it, it just happens or it doesn't.

I realise this is not a terribly good answer - sorry. Best thing to do, from my own experience, is simply to be honest with him and take it from there. If there is no spark, there is no spark. Will it come in the future? I don't know. Can you live without it? I don't know that either. Just be honest and dont' rush into making any big decisions just yet either way.

Answer 3

If ANYONE has an experience that was SO "not the spark" other than mine, then all i can say is WOW! Here it goes:

I met this girl on the internet in 2000. I was not physically attracted to her at all. I even though she was a little unattractive. But i saw in her good qualities that atracted me. After about 3 months or so of being friends and getting to know each other we got intimate. Before me she was in a 2 year relationship and had a miscarriage. Well the ex was married and when he found out she was pregnant, he split. She told me she could not have kids and was sterile. Well, we had sex and when I brought out the condom she gave me a lecture and she made me feel so bad that I did not use it. Well, 9 months later came Dominick, my son. We moved in together to make soemthing of the relationship and after a year and a half of living together and 2 more kids (twins), we split up. We weren't getting along, we were too different and we did not think the same way.

2 and a half years passed and we started talking again, and now, we are back together, 3 years after we split up.

Our relationship is strong and our differences are a positive thing. Our different way of thinking is good when we have to think of solutions to problems. We still argue, that will never go away in any relationship, but our arguments are not relationship-threatening anymore. Now we both work full time, and go to work full time and next year we will buy our own place and get married. We depend on each other and look to each other for things. I love her for who she is, as a mother, companion, and person!

Answer 4

I felt "The Spark" when I was 20 years old. It was for a man who admitted long afterwards that the reason he had originally tried to seduce me was because he had gone into competition with his friend to see who could get the most sex in a week or something. He was Spanish, romantic and appeared sweet, so I fell for it hook line and sinker. We actually became "friends" and for a good four years, since I couldn`t completely get him out of my head I never had any other proper relationships because of this.
Then I moved abroad and met the man who is now my husband. There was no "spark" as such, not like with the Spanish guy. Instead I found myself falling deeply in love with an honest genuine man.

Answer 5

If there's a spark straight away, what will you do when that spark fizzles out? Having fun. respect, communication and a mutual bond is far stronger that a "spark". If you were to have kids, the pressure it puts a relationship under won't be held together by the spark you so long for, but by the kind of love your man so openly has for you. Open your eyes lady, get a firm grip of your man, before someone else does! You so don't know how lucky you are.

Answer 6

We were friends in high school who began dating. I never felt that spark but looked for qualities in his character that appealed to me. I couldn't help but love him and the rest just fell into place. I had experienced those "magnetic" attractions with others and the relationship fast went from A-Z without anything to build it on. Like any spark it was quickly snuffed out. I have been married 21 years this year and dated 3 years prior and never regretted it. We are each others friends, lovers , and partners in every way that endures.
However, if you really don't love him then it is unfair to lead him on. Let him go so that he can develop the best relationship possible if you truly don't feel you can be who he needs.
If you find the idea of letting him go something distasteful to you ; then you may just be taking him for granted and should really consider that you love him far more than you realized.
I never settled for my mate and so I am happy with my choice. If you don't think you can say the same thing then you need to do what is necessary to free your self to be happy too.

Answer 7

I think that mostly, the "spark" deal shows immaturity. It's not real love. Real love is what he is doing. I've been married 20 years and have never felt tingly. OTOH, my next door neighbor felt "tingly" all three times he got married. Is this a decent man? Can you see him be a father? Is he respectful to you and your parents? Does he do drugs? Does he abuse alcohol? Can he hold a job? Is he kind? These are the kinds of questions a mature adult woman asks.


Kent in SD

Answer 8

I found my husband to be super annoying when we first started dating, and i thought, "man, this guy is nice, but I don't think this is going to last." I ended up marrying him. It's normal to not see the spark just yet, but in time if he does the right thing, you'll realize what you have and just know that you couldn't be any happier without him.

Answer 9

You do NOT need that 'spark'. I assure you over and over again. The spark only adds initial excitement. You are lucky to have a man like that, cherish him and don't let him go. The plain fact you love him can still amount to a spectacular relationship. Good luck!

Answer 10

The spark is highly overrated. My boyfriend and I started off with just being friends and not expecting anything else to come from it. That lead to the nice steady burn we have now. No spark but good warmth.

Answer 11

Well, the "spark" always goes away. This might not. Heck, consider that you may have just skipped (an irrational) step in the relationship. Just don't go looking elsewhere for "the spark."