This is poem I promised to write for ally. It is hers, but please tell me if you like it.?

Question

Family

Growing up we were inseperable, like grass and morning dew
I always thought down in my soul, I'd always have you
Deep down in my heart of hearts, inevitably we would part
The time flew by, and the time has come, our lives to start.

Ballet and dirt bikes, what a pair that we were
breakups and crying and even some scares
we always stood together, through thick and through thin
Well always be sisters,even though were only cousins

All through High school, you were always there
someone to confide in, someone who would care
I've dreaded this day, since I realized it would come
Two sister together, I'll always think of us as one.

Four years ago, college took the two of us apart
And now it is time for us both, a new start
I'll remember the times, the times that we shared
You always kept me going, because I knew that you cared.

NO, I wrote the poem, but I'm giving it to her. She can't publish my poems.

Answer 1

This is really good. Would you consider letting her publish your poems if you got a commission? Seriously, think about publishing a book of poetry. You are really good at writing poems.

Answer 2

the poem is certainly nice. i'm a poet and editor and the person who had the audacity to rewrite your poem is wrong. poetry is not only boiling down to the essentials. "serious" poets often look upon rhyming as childish--but it serves a very important purpose in your poem. the rhyming and half rhymes create couplets--the form supporting the theme of the two people always being together. this element also keeps the poem from being too sad. even though life situations take you apart--the continued couplets suggest that there is an ongoing element (soomething elemental) that keeps you together at some level.

now, i do think there are elements that are a bit redundant--or cliched. "through thick and thin," "you were always there." you might try to find a concrete (sense detail) to replace these lines.

would you consider putting the last two lines in the present tense--seals the deal of continuity--a heart sob.

"i remember the times; the times we that we share
you always keep me going, because i know that you care."

good luck on your journeys.

Answer 3

Family

I'll always think of us as one,
We were inseparable children,
like grass and morning dew
ballet and dirt bikes,
breakups and crying,
scares,
we always stood together, through thick and thin
always sisters, even though we were cousins
Deep down, I thought I'd always have you

All through High school, you were always there,
someone to confide in, someone who cared

Then,
four years ago,
college took us apart

Answer 4

Jaja's right, that is very nice of you. Whoever it was that had the nerve to rewrite your poem needs to not answer unless he knows what he's talking about. Poetry is not about boiling it down to the essence. It's about using beautiful, flowing words to express something. Not plain, original, to the point words, that would be more like an essay. This poem is very beautiful, just as it is. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Answer 5

It is great and I really think that it would touch the person that it is for because it wasn't even for me and it touched me. She is a really good poem writer and should put this somewhere like publish it.

Answer 6

Aww, that is the most sweetest poem I have ever read, this is the best one you wrote, I'm really impressed, keep up the good work.

Answer 7

Certainly one of your better poems.

Answer 8

Awww. That is such an adorable poem. She'll definitely love it :]

Answer 9

thats nice of you steve

good poem

Answer 10

what a lovely poem
it certainly mentions about family
separation, and togethrness