Weve been married since oct. '06 and weve been dating for almost 7 yrs...i lost my job and haven't been able to find another one for a month now, so he is unbelievably stressed out....and since i haven't found a job i have become depressed, so we argue when he gets home. The other day out of nowhere he says that he needs space and time to think about what he wants, b/c he doesn't want to live like this and have kids in this type of environment..he says hes just tired of everything; that he can't take it. I understand.....but if he loves me why would he want to not be w/me...were married and there will always be problems in any relationship, you work on it , fix it and move on...thats how people last.....i want to give him his space but i love hmy husband and want to love on him and be with him....i dont know what to do....and neither does he...im sooo hurt and confused!
2007-06-01 11:28:45 · 21 answers · asked by Mz Ruiz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that is a chicken sh*t's way of saying he wants out so move on and don't look back.
2007-06-08 13:35:02 · answer #1 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to "MAN UP!".
This is just a storm in your relationship and it will pass. He is telling you that he doesn't want the responsibility he has and he is trying to make you feel guilty and responsible. If you let him leaves when the going gets tough then he will always abandon you in times of need. His character is weak and he is taking you for granted as well. If he leaves, change the locks and start divorce proceedings. Sh*t happens in life but we don't get to jump ship just because the seas become rough.
He should look at his budget and start eliminating unnecessary expenses until you find another position. While cable is enjoyable it isn't necessary for survival. Temporarily disconnect if need be. Then internet is another expense. Dining out. All the little things add up and can be used to pay off debt.
While you have some valid reasons for feeling down; depression is often a chemical imbalance that exaserbates the symptoms. Try seeing a doctor for some temp. help with that which can help you with your coping skills.
Only you can fix that aspect of your life. Depression is difficult on all those who love you and are around it . However, it is never an excuse for your spouse to use to get his "space". Sounds like a teenager's excuse to start pursuing others who are more "fun" without having to pay the price. He has to either Finish this marriage and move on but he can't expect you to be on standby until he feels ready to come home. Don't fall for it.
2007-06-01 19:05:53 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants some space then let him go! Get yourself together, hang out with friends and family, go out and get a job and if it takes time then keep on trying. Get back to being the old you, when your husband see this he will think that he is a fool. Should he not come back then it was meant to be and start over with your life. You don't have to sit home, feel sorry for yourself and mope around, show him you don't need him. I know it's easy to say than do but what do you got to loose. Choosing to not let him go will only draw you more apart. Best Wishes.
2007-06-06 14:33:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, he might want out of the marriage. Best thing is to try and see a therapist for help with this issue. He might also be cheating on you and just blame everything on stress and get you going on that direction to feel sorry for him while all along he's thinking of someone else which in his reality he sees as a stress free relationship. He may compare the two and think that the grass is greener on the other side. Soon he'll find out that it isn't. Who knows only time will tell. I think he wants out of the marriage but he appears to be confused so see a
therapist. But, also check his phone and emails. Good Luck.
2007-06-08 23:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Naive 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but your husband is making an excuse to do whatever he wants because he see a perfect opportunity...now what do u have to do with him needing his on space?? OK your not around..now what?? that's some BS... I have been laid off for 2 months now, I receive unemployment its not allot but my husband is very supportive about me taking the time to look for a job.. the way coorperate America is today with downsizing, outsourcing and selling companies... this is to be expected with todays society. when you guys got married you all said through thick and thin tell him to Honor it.. i know the first two years is always the hardest in marriages but this is nothing for him to be crying about..of course you should ask him to seek marriage counselling with you before he makes an irrational decision that he will regret later... if he does not want to work it out then you've tried-- move on, and don't look back because you will be chasing that man forever and you do not want the next drama behind whatever it is hes trying to pull... you love him and yes it hurts bad because you do want your marriage to work... but ask yourself , do you really want someone that will not support you when you really need them the most?? maybe you will be better off without him and hes doing you a big favor... remember just like you met him, you will meet someone else and once before you did not know him! .. Good luck and God bless you!
2007-06-08 01:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it will be, you have to give him his space. He will almost certainly return but this space will give him time to think things through without so much pressure. You need to back off in every way, including physically. Let him see you care enough about him to give him space. During t his time, he will see how much he misses you and will want to come back to what he is missing and to where he feels comfortable but right now he doesn't feel that way because he's too close to the situation. Give him the space he asks for. It should actually help not hurt. It will make things worse if you constantly call him or want to see him. Back off and let him come back to you. Good luck
2007-06-08 11:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by nialalha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not be hurt. Everything changes. just because he tells you that he needs space. does not mean that he wishes to end this relationship, nor does it mean that he is no longer in love with you. He probably has some things that he needs to mentally work on. Some men grow distant when we feel emotionally drained. And some men need to "get away" to recouperate. It is going on now and will happen time and time again. The best thing that you can do is allow him the mental, and emotional freedom that he needs. If you force him to face you rather than himself, then he will end up resenting you. Trust me. If he really loves you, he will emotionally come back around.
2007-06-08 02:03:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of work do you do? Is it specialized in that your prospects for that type of work are slim? I have been in between jobs and it does stress everyone out. I agree with you though that he married you for better or worse. As for the depression, I would suggest seeing a dr. As for the job situation, depending on where you are and what you do, your best bet is to do any job that comes along. Call temp agencies. I have been temping for 2 years and I prefer it to fulltime employment. If there is a WalMart or Target in your area, apply with them. Just take any job you can to pay the bills and keep your heads above water.
2007-06-01 18:48:11 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know how it is girl I've been there. Solution is get a job and soon put your all into it everyday go out there look everywhere apply for anything. I know it's stressful for him having to hold everything down and you're depressed cuz you just can't seem to find a job. Just try harder don't give up!!!!!!!!Show him that you love him and you'd do anything to keep him even scrub floors. Okay? Wish you all the best.
2007-06-08 17:14:09 · answer #9 · answered by alicia h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him the space that he needs... if he loves you enough he will come back... I know that sounds cruel but it's the way it is... you don’t want him resent you... it is a possibility that if he feels he fails in some way or another men have a tendency to blame the women that they are with... I will hurt because you love him but it will all be ok when he come back to you... and if he doesn't then you will be ok because by then you would have learned how to be on your own... but remember something good always comes after something bad.
2007-06-01 19:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by Ruth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just back off a bit. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. There just is just a lot for him to deal with right now.
I am the same way, I need time to be alone and collect myself and make a plan on how to proceed.
Don't take it as a rejection or not loving you, he just needs to organize things in his head, and stratagize a little.
It's normal as a woman to want to love on him and cuddle and tell him it's going to be ok, but some guys need to lay it all out and plan an attack. And he can't concentrate with you hanging on his neck.
I don't mean that in a bad way, I'm sure he apprcieates your love, but he needs to have a clear head and think.
Once he decides the correct course of action, he will sit down with you and make out a battle plan.
Be patient.
"For better, or for worse" remember.
2007-06-01 19:20:09 · answer #11 · answered by Mr R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋