What is your advice for helping someone feel good about the way they look?

Question

In my most recent novel, ‘Buddha: a story of enlightenment’, Buddha’s simple answer was that outer pretty comes from inner peace. What do you think?

Answer 1

When my daughter was young, and she would have friends over, the most fun thing to do was play dress up. I would also tell them what my mom used to tell me. "Pretty is as Pretty does." You can be very pretty on the outside, but unless you are a really nice person, are considerate of others, and a truly caring person on the inside, pretty only takes you so far and it won't bring you happiness.

Answer 2

Inner peace, to some extent ... yes. For that already the person should be free from negative emotions, so that inner peace immediately brings that child-like-innocent look on the face to look good (note that baby faces invariably look very good, whatever colour, caste , creed or sex !).
But, just being peaceful inside.... does it really work so much ?
Even animals are quite peaceful , if food is provided to them !
Peace is something very very basic to a human being (at least theoretically !) .... only then, something else beyond that can be even thought of ! Quite unfortunate that for most people today, being peaceful seems to be their ultimate goal !
Now, a peaceful person, when alert enough, deepens the perception level using the self-awareness as a constant tool, the perception touching levels deeper than the sensory levels, then , the inner beauty will permeate all around, and the 'feel good' factor would not just be limited to that person, but others around would just become instantly peaceful (irrespective of their present disposition), without even knowing 'what hit them !! ' Perhaps, that is what Buddha was.. (there was a story that some rival deliberately 'directed' a mad elephant at Buddha, and when it approached Buddha, it instantly became very peaceful, and squat on the ground very gently !! ).

Answer 3

Basically what Mr. Deepak Chopra has quoted from Buddha that outer pretty comes from inner peace says it all. Just I am adding some practical points.

The basic objective should be that we should not be obnoxious to others. By these you achieve 90% target.
1. Take bath regularly so that you do not smell
2. Wear clean clothes and polished footwear
3. Ensure you do not smell when you open the mouth
4. Be polite
5. Do regular exercise and play if possible.

For example a soldier focuses on proper haircut, trimmed mustache, ironed uniform, polished belt buckles and gleaming shoes. Neither the army nor the soldier is worried about how his nose looks.

To attain inner peace it is very important that you be truthful to you and others. For example if you cannot afford a Nike shoe, be candid about that. With this one can attain 100% success in looking good in due course.

Another important point is that impressions are made more by actions than only by looks. So, if one is worried about looks then concentrate more on actions. I think it is relevant to here to quote actor Dev Anand's answer to the question who is the best looking star:"Every star is beautiful". It is a very profound statement because as the fame of the actor rises so is the beauty.

PS.
The beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So you cannot change yourself according to every individual's taste. Therefore the best option is 'Do not worry about beauty'.

Answer 4

Inner peace-that is what we all need. Yes a person should be comfortable with the way they look. I used to didn't be. Now I wish I would have enjoyed all those years I worried about the way I looked when I was perfectly fine. Everybody really is beautiful in there own way. You've got to get to where you feel good about yourself and your appearance. Stay clean, try to eat right, do what you can to improve your physical body and the mind will follow. After you do what you can that's it, be happy with the way you look and yourself and if others have a problem with it then that's just a problem they have to overcome themselves. Life is shorter than you think, enjoy it and yourself and the beauty of nature while you are here. Love your family and feel good about yourself. Just because someone else may do or say something negative does not mean you have to react with any kind of negative action. Two wrongs don't make a right. Thank you for "listening". I hope I got my point across as I don't think I always do a very good job of, but at least I try.

Answer 5

Tell them to work out or find a sport or activity that makes them move. Tighten up the body and making your self stronger makes you feel so good and lighter. This will also release a lot of happy feelings in you. You can always work on your looks that way so if you're a guy you can say dam I got some guns (arms) on me or if your a girl you can say I got a fin butt. This might be a good starting point. Take a shower and keep yourself clean and groomed this will make someone feel good to, most girls do this but guys need to. Go get some cool cloths for yourself this will help with the packaging and you always feel better when you dress up. People always say the inner self but forget that the outer self is what's important too otherwise no one would care about nice cars, homes, cloths, etc... It's not a bad thing and if you take care of yourself in a healthy way and stay away from all this fake foods you will feel better from the inside out. Fake foods I mean by fast foods, chips, soda's etc... There man made for a fast buck and the people that are making this don't care how you look or feel, they just want that fast money.
I do Photography so trust me as I say never compare you're self to people in magazines. I can make a person look like a White Tiger so making the models eyes brighter and a different color is child's play. I can instantly make you look 20 yrs younger and 100 pound lighter. So don't compare it will just mess you up, as these models don't look that way in real life! The ones that do work hard at keeping themselves in top shape.
Treat others with respect and fun and you will make friends and they will always make you feel better about yourself. Tell others they look good and why, this will come back to you.

Answer 6

Studies have shown that human attractiveness is determined by two factors:

1. Facial Symmetry and
2. Waist-to-hip ratio.

Symmetrical faces are more attractive. Men with a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.8 are most attractive, while women with a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7 are most attractive. These results were tested around the world and do not seem to depend on culture.

The theory about these factors is that they send a message to others about health and longevity.

The details about your question indicate a theory that inner peace makes people look better from the outside. This may sometimes be the case. However, there are other states of mind that can be attractive. For example, in Gone With The Wind, Captain Butler becomes enraged and kicks open Scarlet's door, and smashes a glass against the wall. This display of fiery passion is attractive.

I would say to someone to help them feel good that they should work with what they have. This may be a combination of inner peace, coupled with displays of passion and vigour. I would tell them to 'come to life' because liveliness is an attractive trait.

Answer 7

To answer your question, it depends on if you think they are open and receptive to your thoughts on the matter. People have low self esteem for many different reasons, and some people actually use their looks as a defense mechanism against a world where looks are chosen over a person's character and good deeds. There are some people who would truly like to look their best but may not know what's best for them specifically, and there are some that are so scared of being judged that they reject the notion all together, they completely abstain from anything that represents the betterment of their outer physicality. Those are the people you must tread lightly with, and make it clear that your thoughts, suggestions and opinions are for them especially, and that what you say is in no way an attempt to take away from what they already are on the inside. In the end you want them to know that there is no judgment and that you will always be in their corner.

Answer 8

To instantly help someone feel better about them self inside and out: smile at them and say hello.Just letting someone know you acknowledge them in a positive way can have strong impact.
I agree that Buddha was very wise and inner peace equals outer beauty. However, many people, especially younger, may not be that enlightened or even be interested in being that enlightened. Sad but true. Start with the basics and work your way from there.

Answer 9

Dr. Chopra, How wonderful an opportunity! In my 56 years in this life I have been in too many situations to count where other people were concerned one way or another what some one else looks like. Many times it was negative, sometimes positive and mostly their opinion of someone they did not know well. Presentation is everything. If you look confident and you have yourself ready for your event. You are great! We are not always that lucky. Sometimes we are discovered in a rose bush by a suitor...Oh well. These things happen. The beauty comes from the part of you that is in discovery. Discovering your own gentle nature, your love of a certian taste, smell or feel. The way a balmy breeze whispers across your arm. Discovering you really do like the sound of a healthy cruising Harley. Wahoo"! Dropping a tear over the last leaf of Autumn. I have watched people and animals and the delight and dismay. The chuckles and outright laughter. The strength of love and peace that washes over my fellow creatures as they urge their fledglings into their own being. I had a Wonderful Mother. I always felt so cute around her and I believe I was. She has been gone for fifteen years now and finally I have inherited my kindness, my ability to not see beauty so much as feel it. The more beauty I feel the more beautiful I know I can be. I would enjoy watching this person blossom under this philosophy. We would giggle and cry and confide and just enjoy one another. Then one day I might take a glimpse of myself in a window or shiney plate or whatever and ...hmmmm. I don't remember my eyes being so brown before!.....relax, here's s hug. "Thank You for being with me today". Friend2Friend, J

Answer 10

Well, I think that the simplest answers are the best. But this really isn't a simple question.
It's really quite complex. How does a person give advice to help someone feel good about the way they look? I mean do you tell a fat person, that they look thin? Or a short person they look tall? Or someone with a birth defect or that has been in a disfiguring accident that they look normal. I don't know.
I think that if someone feels bad about the way they look, then maybe they just shouldn't look at theirself anymore, then they wouldn't see what is making them feel so bad.
I think that how you look is the least of anyone's problems. If looks it what someone needs to make them feel good about themselves, then no matter what, they will always be ugly.
I am not a Buddist, but I do agree with the saying that outer pretty comes from inner peace. But how does someone aquire inner peace if their told they have no outer pretty?

So I guess my advice, would be to stop taking advice, and just live the life you was given to the fullest. You are the way you are, and look the way you look because that is how you was meant to look and be. You're looks have nothing to do with who or what you are. Accept what you have been given, and love your life, not your looks. Stop looking at yourself, and start looking at the rest of the world, you'll see alot more uglier things than yourself. Start to love yourself, for you are loved.

Answer 11

Interesting question. Let me add to the ideas with a couple of anecdotes.

Imagine a plump teenaged girl. A few pounds overweight at that age can be devastating. She's got a lovely face, great eyes and hair, but she's active sturdy and strong (a real tomboy!) rather than delicate and graceful, and she's carrying about 10% more bodyweight than optimal for her. She thinks she's plain at best, or even downright homely. She despairs of ever being pretty. She dives into her studies, "knowing" that her intelligence is the only thing she's got.

Fast forward to her mid twenties, and watch the look of utter surprise appear as she walks past a darkened store window and catches sight of her candid reflection. Someone has told her not long ago that she is beautiful, and when she scoffed, that it was all about the way she moved and the confident outgoing passion she showed in life. This young lady has just seen by accident for herself what another spoke of, and the realization that lasting beauty springs from something other than the standards she'd used to judge herself will stay with her for the rest of her days.

The second is a story of the merits of "difficult friendship". One friend has asked another's opinion of something painful, and after listening to the answer attentively, says thank you with these words. "It's very difficult to be your friend, but it's really rewarding too. Whenever I want the truth I come to you first, because I know no matter what I'll either get it or you won't say anything at all. And I know whatever you tell me won't be malicious, no matter what it is, but just the facts. You'd never use the truth as some kind of sick weapon, and you tell people the hard stuff when no one else will. That scares a lot of people, but those of us who stick it out really appreciate all that once we get to know you. I just thought you should know."

Who benefitted most from that speech? The one who asked for and recieved truth, knew its value, and mustered the courage to say so? The one who in a world not perhaps structured to value what it should risked being emminently honest and found a way to combine that with a caring heart thought the combination was a lonely one? Both, don't you think? And who of the two is beautiful? Both, in ways that had nothing to do with external appearance and much to do with inner self.

It may not yet be inner peace, but recognizing and accepting the good qualities of another or of your own must be a major step along the path to it.