Hi .. this may sound silly, I hope not. I'm what I consider to be a pretty outgoing, thoughtful, sincere caring person in my 40's - female. I try and treat folks how I want to be treated; and have been called by many "one of the nicest people I know - to everyone." My question is .. why don't I seem to have any friends? I mean .. I have a couple of close friends I've had for years - but not the kind (and amount) someone like me would have - I would think. I'm married.. but my husband and I are separated right now. I do volunteer work .. I don't get it. What's wrong with me - what am I doing wrong?? Noticing this, especially on top of my current separation from my husband; I feel quite lonely. thanks :)
2007-06-01 10:24:48 · 10 answers · asked by DCD 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
hey there.. first off, u dont sound silly.. my philosophy on this is, we all have tons and tons of aquaintences.. thats just it, they are no more than aquaintences.. you stated that u have a couple of close friends.. there u go... thats all thats important.. its the very few that truely makes it into your heart that counts.. i too am 40 and i have a few very close friends, not living near me, as well.. i work as a house keeper and home health aid, so u can imagine all the people i do come across each day.. but none of them will ever come close to what i feel for my dear friends and i wouldnt have it any other way. if you are feeling lonely and are wanting a new friend, then thats all good.. but dont feel or think that because u have the characteristics of a person that should have about 100 friends all around that thats how it should be.. sorry about your relationship with your husband, but use that time for yourself and yourself only.. go to the movies, play pool, go swimming, ... do things by yourself.. the more you do and find different routines outside your home, the more you will find someone as special as your close friends.. good luck.. and remember to love yourself for who you are and not what u dont have... peace.... pam
2007-06-01 10:46:30 · answer #1 · answered by wolfmyers66 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a great person but if you try too hard to find friends its less likely that you will. I know that it sounds kinda odd but many people can tell if a person is trying to hard and that can put most people off. Try to accept life and the friends you have, just be happy with things the way they are and people will be drawn to you. It's not just being nice that matters its the vibe you put out to others. Think about this, would you rather have hundreds of friends that dont really care about you, or the couple of close friends you already have?
2007-06-01 10:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by Steph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is a silly question at all. I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely. I do think that sometimes there is such a thing as "too nice." Let me clarify that though. I've met people such as yourself who are seemingly nice to everyone and I catch myself doubting their sincerity. While I am sure that you are a truly kind individual, when I encounter someone who is always nice to everyone, it is hard to think they are genuine. As humans, we disagree with others and don't always like everyone. I find it to be nearly impossible that you truly like everyone you meet which in turn means that you needn't go out of your way to be nice to everyone. Being civil is one thing, but it IS okay to express dislike or disagreement. That is what makes us human and therefore, likeable and/or loveable. Perfection can be wearing and someone who finds it so easy to be kind to EVERYONE (even those who don't deserve that kindness) can be rather intimidating to those of us who give in to our natural human emotions. On the other hand, I have not met you in person so I don't know if there are other factors that may be contributing to your problem or if I may be missing the mark entirely about who you are. All I do know for certain is that there are friends all around you. All you need to do is look a little closer and you'll find us. Sometimes I find friends in the oddest and most unexpected places. Best of luck to you!
2007-06-01 10:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by Nina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*** Gave you a star ***
Honey, I am in the exact same boat. I am normal. I don't have a personality disorder. I am open-minded to everything. I respect other people's opinions and feelings. I am somewhat outgoing. I have been considering volunteer work (seriously). I too have only a couple of good friends for years. I'm 29 years old, married wtih two kids and I am not sure what it is about me. I would like to have a bigger social circle, but I just can't make that happen. I have plenty more acquaintances than anything.
So, I am interested to hear what other's have to say to you for advise that I figure out for myself also.
2007-06-01 10:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by ★Banäna . Nightmärẹ★™ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-05 19:10:22 · answer #5 · answered by barile 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My beautiful, sweet outgoing sister went through a divorce through no fault of her own he was very unfaithful and left her for a younger women. It was heart breaking and she said, "she had never felt so alone in her life. Surrounded by family and friends at a party she felt alone, abandoned."
It is the inner need for the one we love to be with us.
She cried for a long time and met a great guy and they got married. She said he did her a favor by leaving her and she and her second husband are so happy. She never had that feeling of security with her first husband. Between you and me, he was a womanizing loud mouth arrogant fool. Her current husband is real sweet.
2007-06-01 10:31:12 · answer #6 · answered by Ruth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not about the quantity of friends is the quality. and yes i kno this might sound sappy but its true. and if your feeling lonely why dont you make a girls night out and have a couple drinks.
2007-06-01 10:31:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
heres a hug..sorry you feel so lonely...have you went out and talked to others?? maybe others dont think youw nat to get to know them... whn walking or shopping dont be afraid tos ay hello to someone walking by...it gets conversations going..try it at work..or wherever ya go..and always smile a smile is so inviting to others....makes others think youd be a nice happy person to be around... ok??? good luck...
2007-06-01 10:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by bettym 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're building walls around you and slightly shutting your friend zone to people to enter. Be easy to talk to so you won't scare people.
2007-06-01 10:28:27 · answer #9 · answered by C A M S ™ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to try and get more fun into your life go somewhere excting where other woman will be
2007-06-01 10:30:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋