My fiance paid off his debt(10k) with the bonus(13K) he got from work.Now this makes sence and leaves him with 3k.We have been engaged 2yrs waiting for his money situation to get better so we can get married.He talked about having a cheap wedding/honeymoon(like 5k total) and i told him i would pay for half of everything(which is only fair) so he would not get in debt again.Well instead of saving the 3k for the wedding/honeymoon he went out and spent 2k on a gun(he all rdy has 2) and i feel the other 1k will disapear too.How can he tell me he wants a cheap w/h then go out and spend that kind of money on gun?When we get married we want to get a house/new furniture too.now i have some money but i don't feel i should be the only one paying for everything(wedding/honeymoon/house)I have talked to him about putting money away together for these things but he does not want to.
2007-06-01 09:59:30 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What he's probably thinking is that this will be one of the last purchases he gets to make as a single man. Before I got married but was still engaged I made some large purchases also. The thing that might going through his head, because i know it went through mine is that this'll be one of the last times he can buy something expensive without having to worry about somebody else's opinion. Probably doesn't make it the best decision in the world on his part, but i hope this helps you understand maybe a little more what he's thinking. In regards to some of the previous posts I wouldn't be worrying about any red flags yet. A lot of the guys i know did stuff similar to what your fiancee has done. Guys are a very different animal than women. I wouldn't start rethinking your wedding plans or anything of that sort. He more than likely made this a last ditch buy while he had the money. Don't start thinking he'll be like this all the time due to just one impulse buy. I'm sure you've made an impulse buy yourself. The thing to really look at is how financially responsible has he been excluding this purchase and that will be a good barometer to measure off of.
2007-06-01 10:05:25 · answer #1 · answered by logan28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to see how he got into debt in the first place - by purchasing needless things.
Talk to him about his spending habits. If he gets into debt, his credit score won't be great, and buying a house will be tough for the two of you.
Relationship is give and take and if you two are going to get married, he does need to take into consideration that he can't be spending needlessly.
It's not fair for you to have to pay for everything, but at the same time, maybe he figured that because the bonus was from HIS job, he should just spend it on whatever.
Planning for the future can be a tough concept for people that are used to buying what they want when they want, but on the same token it's going to save him a lot of headaches later.
Sit him down, let him know this is a serious thing and try talking to him again. Hopefully he'll listen.
2007-06-01 10:06:21 · answer #2 · answered by hockeygirlchelsia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish, but almost sound like he is. Honestly $5 grand is a little low for a wedding+honeymoon budget but if you guys already reached a mutual agreement on that budget then it sounds like you guys won't have to wait that much longer to get married. Yes, it is weird that he spent $2K out of $3K already (and for a gun too??) but maybe you could ask him if he's expecting anymore bonus or extra income anytime soon that you are not aware of, which he'll use towards the wedding? If that's the case then his reasoning of getting the gun might be (barely) justified.
2007-06-01 10:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by Bobbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are engaged but have no concrete wedding date you are saving and moving toward, he probably was not thinking about you at all when he made this purchase. and that is not a real good thing. someone said once that a girl is not really engaged until she has a ring AND A DATE. could you say to him, "now that you are out of debt, i would like us to set a wedding date of -------, 200-, honey, and make this announcement to our friends and family. " he does not need to be told again that he will have to pay for some of the arrangements. if he is happy and goes along with setting a concrete date at a reasonable time in the future, then you know that he is committed to you and your future and will save and plan for this wedding. if he gets upset with this, then he either 1. does not think he should pay for his own wedding ( traditionally the family of the bride pays for the whole wedding and the groom or the bride and groom together pay for the honeymoon, but some couples do pay for the whole thing if they are older or do not have families who can afford it) or 2. he loves being engaged without actually having to marry anyone!!!!!!!!!!! so, you wrote for advice, and my strong advice is to set that date and see if he is enthusiastic, or becomes distant and makes all sorts of strange excuses. and if he does, you might consider just taking a break from him for awhile. if you can, good luck....sometimes i wish i knew how these situations turned out!!! haha.
2007-06-01 10:22:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he wants to play with his money I would'nt spend what I've saved for a wedding.Marriage is important and to me I think he realizes that the gun was more important.I would'nt marry him because if he's that cheap theres no telling what else he might go out and buy later on down the road.That money he spent on a gun could have been the furniture money or at least some of it.You have to like everything about a prson before ou marry them.Theres no need in going farther if this is something you can't deal with.
2007-06-01 10:21:40 · answer #5 · answered by blknmild28 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, that's a good thing wanting to pay off all of your debts before getting married. The gun was something that he felt like he just had to have. Although as you said it would have been much better to buy the furniture for the house. I would inform him that he still has to come up with his share of the wedding expenses and his half of the furniture. Stick to your guns.
2007-06-01 10:26:13 · answer #6 · answered by Cheryl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiancé is being himself. There was a reason he had a debt, there's a reason he doesn't have extra cash lying around. Some people are terrible at money management, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. You are not being selfish, you're being naive; what do you think is going to change once you get married? where is the money for the house and the furniture going to come from? Better be prepared to fend for yourself financially if you decide to stick with this guy.
2007-06-01 10:06:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he wants to marry you then he needs to start taking this seriously. he has to know money doesn't grow on trees and its not easy planning a cheap wedding. personally if he loves you he should take the gun back and get he money and put it away cause he though he might not want to save with you then he should at least open his own savings and not touch it for a couple of months. i think he is being selfish and he needs to think about what comes first in life and its not a gun that's for sure. in the mean tI'me save your half of the money and save no more and when you have that half tell h im you do and you ready to get married and that he better have the half of the money.
2007-06-01 10:05:56 · answer #8 · answered by Adina B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is an instance in which actions speak louder than words. If he doesn't want to use the excess money for the wedding, and he doesn't want to put money away for your future purchases, i.e. house and furniture, this indicates to me that he really doesn't want to marry you and have a future with you. He isn't cheap, he obviously doesn't mind splurging, especially on himself. And the fact that you are willing to pay for half of everything shows that you aren't selfish. Unfortunately, you are being fooled and misled by this player and manipulator. Move on, don't waste anymore time with him.
2007-06-01 14:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, he may need to enjoy some freedom with his money. He is so not willing to get marry. Give him some space!
Second, these quuestions are for you to think about:
Why do you want to marry this guy? (you'll know if you have the right reasons when you answer yourself this)
Are you talking about your wished and desires at the same level, or is you the one who talks and he listens (wedding, house, honeymoon)?
2007-06-01 10:15:27 · answer #10 · answered by Cabbage head 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋