I have been married for 3 months, but I admit that I love and miss my ex-boyfriend too much. We were together for 4 years, but my ex stalled so much and always postponed our plans for being married, that it was hard to really assume we would ever get married. I was always happy with him,but I just never knew if he would want to.
Well, I moved back to my country because of Visa issues, and starting hanging out with an old friend. After 5 months of dating, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I really just didnt want to waste anymore of my life being single and "waiting" for my boyfriend to marry me.
Well, I know my ex is devastated (we never officially ended things anywyas, and I feel guilty for this) and he is so depressed and loves me so much. I love him too and miss him, and this is making my marriage so difficult. I am SOOO confused. I think I should have waited for my ex, but the reality is that I am married.
What should I do? Will my feelings change?This is terrible.
2007-06-01 09:44:59 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're stupid. Congrats
2007-06-01 09:47:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think your husband would like knowing he was your second choice. With that said, how do you for sure your ex is the same person you loved before. Don't forget he stalled you for a long time. His "so called feelings" he still has for you could be a ploy to get you back and then he still may not marry you.
Still, your husband deserves your complete love and apparently you can't give that to him. He probably senses something is wrong already.
Whether you get back with your ex is one thing, but it is clear that you are not in love with your husband, never have been and never will. As painful as it may be he deserves the truth. Don't prolong the pain. Tell your husband the truth and get a divorce. Your husband deserves to be with someone who loves him.
If you live him, don't rush back to the ex. Take your time. Leaving one and going into another is much too difficult and your emotions are out of control.
Good Luck
2007-06-01 17:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by littlecraps 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very tough situation. But how would this feel to you if the shoe was on the other foot? Your husband...are you willing to devastate him with this information? That's why you don't rush to get married in the first place. You should have given this a whole lot more thought. Sounds like you really got married in desparation. For one thing, the ex sounds like he had no intentions of ever marrying you...four years and nothing!!! C'mon. I think you need to take some serious inventory of yourself and what you have to offer anyone yourself. This marriage was not all about you and want you wanted in life. What about the man your married? You weren't being honest with him or yourself and now you are both paying for it. I think you better "cowboy up" and be the best wife to your husband you can be and forget the old "ex!" If he really loved you he would have asked you to marry him sometime in that four years. Now you have someone who loves you, apparently, and you better make it worth it! I think if you prove yourself to be a good, loving wife to anyone, you will be accomplishing a lot and it sounds to me like you have your work cut out for you!
2007-06-01 16:58:44 · answer #3 · answered by BLM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the old saying, you made your bed. What do you want? Are you looking for someone to say that it's OK that you accepted less than what you wanted and now you should leave your marriage to go back to what you really wanted? Are you giving your marriage 100%, if you're not, then it's not fair to either of you. I would suggest putting as much effort and emotion into your marriage as you are into missing your ex. The fact is, you are married and your husband deserves what he has given to you: unconditional love.
2007-06-01 16:50:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Summers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for you!!! I too still love my ex we dated throught out our high school years. I have been married 3 times and am still not happy my ex has been married 2 times and sometimes I find myself wondering what if? I am so sorry for you and I know just how tuff it is I used to dream of him often and now the dreams have stopped. We still live in the same town he is living down the street from my parents. I say GO FOR IT go get him before your life gets more complicated with children and things of the sort! GOOD LUCK!!! I am now 33 years old and still love him.
2007-06-01 16:53:13 · answer #5 · answered by tafaye 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have married your old friend because you were obviously on a rebound. Aiyayayayay... that wasn't a smart move, woman!
Nothing you could do about your ex- you have to try and forget about him and cherish your new husband instead. Obviously being married was all you cared about- you didn't seem to care about who the groom was! The good news is you're no longer single now... right??
2007-06-01 18:45:21 · answer #6 · answered by Bobbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you ~ I do understand and know how you could get into the position you did ~ and I know that doesn't make it easier. If I were you ~ I'd have to sit down and ask myself some very important questions. 1) Do I want to make my marriage work? If the answer to that is a "yes" ~ then you need to know that love really is a decision. And if you decide to love your husband the way he should be loved, then focus on him and his needs. Turn your focus away from the past and build on your present and future. I wish you luck and happiness.............
2007-06-01 16:51:46 · answer #7 · answered by Casey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to consider why you said yes to your husband now? Does your husband know you have feeling still for your ex? In your heart of hearts you know what you want to do you just need to seek the courage to do it. If you stay with your husband things could get better, your feelings for your ex may slowly get less and less but you will always have something there for him. I wish you the best of luck it is not an easy journey you are on.
2007-06-01 16:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by blondrabbit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not ready to get married.
Three months isn't long enough to know if any marriage is going to work.
Why have you been always in such a rush to get married, and to ANYBODY?
Poor guy (your husband)...let him go and profusely apologize, he will find somebody that loves him and is worthy of him eventually.
I wonder if you will do this to your ex-boyfriend too at some point, wondering if you should have waited and married so-and-so.
You're too immature to marry anybody.
2007-06-01 16:51:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow- thats a matter of the heart and you should never ignore your heart when it comes to love- dump the husband and go running back to the boyfriend.. I would never normally give this advice, but I had something similar happen and I have been happily married to the "boyfriend" in my story for 3 years...
2007-06-01 16:48:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have made a commitment to your husband and need to up hold it. Your ex will move on. You should stop all contact with him. It is inappropriate now that you are married and will only lead to further problems.
2007-06-01 16:56:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋