I don't want to have sex with my husband anymore. Why???

Question

Me and my husband have been married for 7 years. We have 2 little girls. I love him with all my heart.....but I feel that I'm not attracted to him. I NEVER initiate sex....even when he asks or hints about it, I dont want it. I dont know why. When we are actually having sex, I enjoy it....he's good at what he does. But for some reason....I dont want it. Is there something wrong with me?? It's really hurting his feelings...I have not told him how I feel, but I think he knows. Is there anything I can do to change the way I feel?

Answer 1

Am I married to you? This sounds like my wife. I have been toying with the idea of seeking sex elsewhere. Don't get me wrong, I am completely in love with my wife, but she has no drive. I make sure she orgasms during our once a month session (unfotunately I usually can't do it myself - it takes a toy to get it done). I've asked her time and time again what I can do to get her interested, but get little responces. I need the physical side of the relationship too. We have an AWESOME relationship other than this. I don't know what to do either.

Answer 2

You're probably stuck in a rut and don't view him the same as you used to. If you want your marriage to work, you occasionally need to have sex. That's all there is to it. It's a bond that only the two of you are supposed to share with each other and it's a very intimate act that is important. That doesn't mean you need to have sex all the time...my guess is your husband would probably be happy with two or three times a month!! Plan a night out, try something new!! Wear something that makes you feel sexy all day. Do something though....don't let this go on.

Answer 3

First of all, I will suggest you see your doctor. It is a good idea to rule out any serious medical problems that could be causing this. Next, evaluate the relationship. Are you storing any anger or resentment that could be causing you to feel like this?

If it is neither of these and you still love him and want to be with him, here are some tips.
1. You need to have the desire to desire.
2. You are responsible for your own arousal. Find out what turns you on and do those things.
3. Avoid masturbation. Save your sexual energy for him.
4. If you enjoy sex once you start, then just start. Women's arousal sometimes comes after they start.

Answer 4

A combination of hormones and not feeling romanced. I've been with my wife 13 years, 6 married. She's pretty much the same way (though she's 8 months pregnant so her hormones are skewed right now anyway). Women seem to go through a low point in their sex drive from around 25 to 35. That's a long time for a guy to be patient and feel rejected by his wife, but it seems to be the norm.

Men need more than knowing they are loved. They need to feel that they are loved. And to know that you want them to please you and that they are good at it. No easy answers for you.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that you are having this problem. I'm not sure how old you are, but sometimes women go through hormonal changes and they are the cause of the lack of sexual desire. Perhaps a trip to your doctor to ask if there is something they can give to you to help. If you are taking antidepressants, high blood pressure meds, and many other medications including birth control, it can affect your sex drive. Hang in there and talk to the doctor. If that doesn't help....let him know you love him and love having sex with him, but your lack of initiative is not intentional. Tell him that you won't be offended if he continues to request it..and since he's good, don't turn him down. Not sure if this is helpful. Take care.

Answer 6

You do not intricate on what's in your brain so I think whatever is weighing you down---pressure, despair, and so forth. The undeniable fact that you are now not getting alongside additionally performs a large side in it. Women tie intercourse into their feelings. If the feelings/emotions are off, our libidos endure. Tell him what's bothering you and speak approximately your marriage with him. Let him recognize what your desires and demands are and ask him in go back what you'll be able to do to aid. If it maintains, cross see your physician and/or a therapist.

Answer 7

You need to have a chat and try having some time to yourselves without the kids. I might be that you just feel to inhibited with the kids in the house and making love is a bit sinful!!! But you are a real woman with needs and I think you do want to have a sex life again but find it hard now you are a mum. Get your friends, parents to look after them for a couple of nights and get your spark back you might surprise yourself.

Answer 8

I think this is fairly common.
Next time he initiates, remind yourself that once you get aroused, you do enjoy it. Everytime you see that glimmer in his eye, remind yourself again.
To get in the mood to initiate, use whatever works for you...romantic thoughts or whatever might work. Try different thoughts and see what will get you aroused enough to initiate and know that you aren't going to suffer through it once it starts. Try closing your eyes and remembering some hot sexual moment that occured in the past between the two of you. A little masturbation during that remembering will help too. Once you have enough thoughts that 'turn you on' you will not shy away from initiating so much, and he will greatly appreciate that.
I think women take longer to warm up. But you can "train" yourself to be more sexual by focusing on what works, and having the goal to 'be more sexual'.

Answer 9

You probably view your husband more as being a father to your children than as the man you were sexually attracted to before the kids came along. Sometimes women have a hard time realizing that they are both the same person. You may need to see a counselor to help you figure out what's happening

Answer 10

You could be suffering from depression, hormone imbalance or just plain tired. You could also be so stuck in "mommy mode" that you aren't in touch with your woman side.

Have your doctor do a thorough physical and blood work to rule out physical causes.

If its not physical, try spending some time every day or a few times a week doing things that make you feel sexy. Go work out, get your hair done, etc. Also, take time to pursue your own interests so that you will have something to want to run home and share with him.