What can I do for a friend who just lost a baby? Send her a card or email or call her?

Question

I'm totally lost for words and need to do something but haven't a clue. Please help. Thanks.

Answer 1

give her some space....it's hard to know exactly what to say it situations like this because everyone reactions in different ways. Send her a solitaire rose saying 'you're in my prayers and available if she wants to talk'

Answer 2

My 2 best friends went through this at various times and both complained when they received cards or flowers.( I also had a miscarriage but no one knew I was pregnant thankfully.)They said that the cards just reminded them of the tragedy. One said, that she just looked at them and thought about the cards she would have received when she'd had the baby.

I agree.

Email is a terrible idea. Its the cowards way out.

Go round with a cake or some other fattening comfort food and just try and be there. She may want to talk about it or she may want someone to take her mind off it.

NEVER say "I know what your going through" unless you have been through it.

ALWAYS try and treat the person the same as before. There is nothing worse than being avoided or pitied.

Hope this helps. Oh and my friend said that the one thing I said when she lost her much planned and waited for baby was: that we have to go through these things to eventually get the baby we are meant to have. One day when she holds her son or daughter in her arms she will wonder at the fact that if she hadnt had the miscarriage, she would never have met this wonderfull new human being. I dont know, it comforted my friend and made sense to me at the time. I remember thinking that I couldnt imagine not having my 2 daughters. That if I had not had a miscarriage after my first daughter my second daughter (apple of my eye) would not exist and that to me was the most horendous thought. That I may not have ever met her.

Answer 3

I lost my daughter at 16 weeks pregnant & i ended up with post miscarraige depression. I just wanted to die, matter a fact i tryd to kill myself, sounds crazy but i couldnt move on. If shes a close friend you really need to go to her house & let her know you are there for her. Help her with the things she needs to get done like her household chores. I didnt want to do anything at all, I couldnt even take care of my kids. All i could do was cry. She just needs support right now & let her know it was nothing she did wrong because i know i blamed myself for a long long time. Be very careful on what you say. Never tell her it was gods will or that everything happens for a reason because thats not what you want to hear at all, you cant replace a baby like a dead fish or something. Just let her know you dont know what shes feeling but your there to listen to help in any way you can. The best advice is to just listen & let her cry on your shoulder. Losing a child is one of the hardest things a mother can go through & she will feel depressed for a while. Dont take it personal if she want to be alone either, shes got alot going on & everyone deals differently. Oh yeah & one more thing never tell her " your lucky you werent farther along becaus it would have been harder" That was one of the worst things anyone could say to me because losing a baby in the first month & losing one in tghe 8th mnth feels the same. Its still a loss of a baby to a mother. Im sorry if im rambling on but i have sooo much to say about this subject, if you need anything send me an email [e-mail] good luck

Answer 4

The best thing you can do is tell her that you may not know or understand how she feels or what its like. but you are an open ear or shoulder to cry on if she needs someone to just listen or talk to DONT ASK HOW SHE IS FEELING!!
.DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Everything happens for a reason
God has a bigger plan
God has his reasons
Maybe it would have suffered later on.
I know how you must be feeling
or anything even remotely like these!
When my ex-wife and I lost our first baby every time i would hear any of these I wanted to shoot the person saying them! I was very short with them and would retaliate verbally on freinds and family that made these comments and eventually we shut ourselves in for a few weeks and didnt leave the house, answer the door or phone! It is going to be a very hard time for her just let her know you are there if she needs anything and leave it at that. I hope that she gets to bury her lost baby. I know that sounds a little brutal but it gives closure and without that I dont think I would ever have gotten over it!

Answer 5

Hi. I lost a baby a little over a year ago and sometimes the best thing you can say is you dont know what to say.
We grieve differently. I wanted to talk about my son, some people dont want to so listen to her cues. All you can say is your so sorry and you are there for her. Call her now and then to tell het you were thinking about her. Write her a nice card or just go over and hug her, if she dosnet back off, just hold her a bit and you need say nothing, that says it all! Little things in her child's honor are especially cherished or things that represent him/her. A poem meant for this printed from the computer on photo paper and frame it. Heres a site where she can light a candel for her baby or even more thoughtful you light it and email it to her. Tell her you wanted to do somehting special in his rememberance. My son is on this page, Deven Tyler. We also like to release balloons for our baby, you can go to her home and bring some balloons to release to the sky or heaven.

Answer 6

My sister has lost two babies and my friend has lost three...so I've been in your shoes one too many times. The best thing to do is to just be there for her. Don't call her or send her a card, but go over to her house. Just be her shoulder to cry on, her ear to vent to. This is a very difficult time for her. I know how hard it is not to know what to say. I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing, so I usually won't say anything, just hug her.

Answer 7

The biggest mistake friends and family make when a mother looses a child is; that they stop talking about, or mentioning the baby as though it never existed (for fear that it will bring bad memories to the mother.) It's crucial for a mourning mother, to hear about that baby. She needs to hear you acknowledge the fact that she carried, loved, nurtured that child in her womb. Also, that she gave birth to it, and that child was a living human being. The best thing you can do for your friend is to make sure that she knows that you're there for her no matter what. Good Luck! nini :-)

Answer 8

Before talking to her, feel her out first if she needs to talk. There are some people who appreciate the "let it be" talk and some who are still bitter/angry about it that they don't like this kind of talk. find out how she feels first.
There are a lot of things you can do to help her get through this. You can bring her meals. She is probably still too distraught to actually make her meals herself. Ask her if she would like some company. Bring her some DVD to watch with her (careful with movie choices). Ask her if she wants to go out to a movie or have coffee. Just little things to help her get though the day.
Remember, you can't take away her pain. You can't make her forget. You can't force her to "move on". All you can do is hold her hand and help her get though this dark part of her life. She will have to "move on" with her life on her own and she has to do it at her own pace.

Answer 9

I agree with the poster who suggested a memorial donation. If you need ideas, you might try March of Dimes, donate a children's book to the public library, or if they belong to a church, make a donation there. I'm sure there are many wonderful organizations out there that would fit this situation. What a blessing to the parents to have this horrible situation help others.

Answer 10

Send her a card, maybe even pay a visit. Don't send an email.

Everyone can send an email, not many people would think and take the time to get a card.

Answer 11

If she's up to visitors, go visit her. No one ever has the right words, just be there for her. The support and love of a good friend is so important at this time. Don't feel like you have to bring her anything. She will appreciate you just being there for her.