and she confessed without getting caught. However, it was almost 6 months long, extremely intense and she was ready to marry the other guy. She didn't make a clean break and stayed in contact with the other guy until recently. Said she still loves the other guy (although you don't know this) but came back to you (the husband) to try and "reconcile". Could you trust her again, even with lots of counseling? Could you get through this or would you end it? Do you really believe that this would have been the only time, even if that's what she told you?
2007-06-01 06:22:04 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is easy, Divorce her. Leopards don't change spots. She did it once she'll do it again. You deserve better. If you have to consider leaving her, then you have low self esteem issues. Why lay awake at nights wondering if she's with someone else? Cut your losses and move on.
If you love her and you have been the best husband you could be, and she strayed anyway then she's not worth the effort you have put into the relationship. The fact that she confessed withut getting caught is arrogant. She probably figured you wouldn't leave anyway, so why not fess up. The grass on the other side was not quite as green as she thought, so now she's back; but for how long?
My ex-husband had an affair, but I stayed because I thought me and the kids couldn't make it without him. But trusting him was very hard. Every time he was late, decided to work over-time or hang out with the boys,my mind would wonder. (He was out with boys when the affair happened) and to make matters worst, the other woman got pregnant (yes DNA says it his) By the time I found that out, I had already made the decision to stay. What made me leave is that I went to therapy (secretly), resolved some childhood issues, got my self esteem up and I moved on. My ability to tolerate the situation stimmed from some child abandonment issues that I carried all my life.
You have to decide how much you can tolerate?
Good Luck
2007-06-01 06:33:28 · answer #1 · answered by littlecraps 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sad to hear this situation. This happens. What I would do first, before ending this is to see why she would go to someone else. Did I neglect her. If it's something about myself i need to change, then I would do so first. However the choice was you're wife's and the other party's, so it's not all your doing if your misdeeds had anything to do with it at all.
If I were you I would feel extremely angry to the other guy for fratrinizing, dating, and getting my spouce in bed. I might hunt just go after him and give the man a good, solid blow to the head, but I don't recommend it. Instead, if you want to eventually trust your wife then you need to have her learn to trust you and learn that you won't fly off the handle when she says something honest that you don't like. Then you need to tell her how her disloyalty hurt you and get her to promise not to see or communicate with the guy again. You won't trust her right away, but keep working at it. Make a commitment to date more and bring her flowers and show her you love her. If she truley loves you in return, she'll change and stay loyal to you. One day, years down the road when this is long over, you'll find you trust again.
2007-06-01 06:35:56 · answer #2 · answered by Christine H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each person has their own limit so to answer is just simply telling you our opinion based on our limits...My Limit was 14 yr later and married 2 x's same person..This was along haul. Can this situation be worth the effort, sure. Both people have to choose to forgive and go forward with the counseling. It is point less if they can not forgive. Trust once gone has to be earned back, that doesn't mean when things get tough n you get pissy through the affair up, that is not forgiving..It would be a long hard road that would either make or break both people involved. Ask yourself what your limit is and there is your answer...If she will cheat again hmm only time will tell..
~Angel~
2007-06-01 06:32:50 · answer #3 · answered by ~Angel~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That really sucks. Really sucks.
Marriage is something sacred and any betrayal, stomping on, or "whatevering" on that sacred bond is forgivable. But in my opinion, NOT RECONCILABLE. If it happened once, who is to say that it will not happen again?
You are going to do what your heart tells you to do, and I can not say what I would do if I were you in the same situation or myself in the same situation.
All things aside, do what YOU think is right. Knowing that this may or may not happen again. Everyone can tell you what they would do but only you can decide what is right for you. If you do decide to try to make things work, make sure that YOU can forgive her for what she has done and that YOU can accept your decision, and stick with it. If you decide to move on, then make a clean break and MOVE ON. If you are going to stay, truly forgive and let it go completely that it ever happened. That is not to say turn a blind eye to any suspicious stuff, but in 20 years, this will still bother you. I promise it will.
No matter what happens, make sure that you understand why you are going to do what you are going to do and stick with it.
Best of luck to you. I am sorry that this happens to anyone.
2007-06-01 06:36:11 · answer #4 · answered by Stephen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldnt believe that this is the only time something like this happened---depending on how long you and she have been together---a cheater is a cheater---if she hasnt cut all ties with this jerkface then she probably wont---shes the type that needs the outside attention from other men and i would probably say that this wont change----its easy for me to tell you to just move on-which would probably be the best thing for you to do but i know its not that easy either.....if you dont feel you can trust her anymore--you probably wont be able to without years of counseling...and she would have to be honest with the counselor too--which hardly ever happens--I imagine she doesnt want you to have someone else EVER, but she wants you AND someone else--it cant work like that--she'll always be looking for that other man for attention whether it be "him" or someone else---living with what you have to think about and worry about all the time is not fair to you--i know from experience that i didnt want to have to feel like i was babysitting all the time with my husband--if he was out of my sight--i was out of him mind--so i felt i had to follow him around all the time and be suspicious all the time--and thats no kind of life to have--believe me---if you can--just let her go--if you feel that counseling might do you and her some good--go for it--but i just dont think she will ever not be a roamer--i stayed with my husband but i dont trust him as far as i can see him and sometimes not even then--and its not a good life--think it over well....hope this helped and good luck!
2007-06-01 06:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by TWIN91 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um, I would say the man who stays with a woman who was ready to marry another man is making a grave, grave, mistake. She's trying to "do the right thing", but she's hurting everyone in the process...she's selfish! I would say a drama queen, and her husband is a pathetic doormat. Ever seen Jules et Jim...it'll only end in tears.
2007-06-01 06:34:21 · answer #6 · answered by pola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man if I was you I would get an a divorce for a more attractive lady. Besides she's only staying with you because she married to you. I know you are hurt, i would be to, but i couldn't stand my love kissing and sleeping around with another person and just get over it. So I would get an divorce.
I'm sorry you got cheated on, love for you.
2007-06-01 06:32:18 · answer #7 · answered by Zoey H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe it could be the only time. First you have to realize she would have never done it had everything been A-OK on the home front. Fix what was broken and forget it or cut her loose. She may have confessed because she wants you to dump her if you don't love her (which she obviously feels)
2007-06-01 06:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I found out my wife was cheating on me while I was in Iraq. Whyen I got back I found out it was true. I filed for a divorce and took full custody of my daughter from her. My suggestion, is if u have proof get rid of her
2007-06-01 06:27:07 · answer #9 · answered by cones2210 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would do just like I did to my ex-wife....divorce her! Found out that she had been having affairs the entire time we had been together...even had an affair with one of our good friends husband. She admitted one to me and found out it was more like 21....you do the math.I say kick her to the curb
2007-06-01 06:27:55 · answer #10 · answered by Derrick D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋