caught wife with an email and phone relationship?

Question

i love my wife but i feel that i cant trust her. she had been acting suspicious and i looked in her sent email folder and found about 1000 emails from a guy from a mmorpg. i was looking thru them and found that they made plans to meet about a year ago, hotel reservations and all . i confronted her and she says they made the plans and met but she never had any physical contact they just had dinner twice, he lives out of the country. i also did some research and found out they had been calling each other long distance on our cell phones for over the past year.
i have been together with this girl for allmost 10 years and marrried over 2 years , i love her to death and i want to believe her and forgive and forget but i cant get the thoughts out of my head. i even went so far as to make her swear on a bible about the physical part with this guy.
i feel like ive had my heart and my trust trampeled beyond repair. help pls

the thing is too i may not have been the most motivated husband with my career too and maybe was a lil too involved with mmorpgs too, i know my wife is capable of letting things get this far and not get physical. but since there is no way to prove otherwise its driving me nuts. also she says she booked the hotel room for him but never actually went there or inside it. i have the dates he was here and as far as i can recall she was home those nights as well but theres still that whole trust issue and not being able to know for sure what did or did not happen physically. i know she cheated at least mentally but how does one get over those feelings of betrayl espcially over such a large portion of our married life?

Answer 1

I'm sorry your going through this its so obvious that your wife was looking for something..what did she get? you will never know, only her, dude and God.. stop beating yourself up..u can only except what she tells you unless you was there, you said she booked the room but she was at home.. you will never know . what time did she check-in? ok it take some people only minutes... but regardless u still will never know the truth... ..sometimes married people do get bored and look for other avenues to fulfil whatever it is they're looking for..it could of been just conversation.. once again you would never know.. communicate with your wife more, if you two want to save your marriage and its worth saving then seek counselling.. remember just because of your situation that's no excuse for your wife to step outside her marriage... do not take the blame for it or it will happen again...
God bless u..

Answer 2

I can't say if the woman's a liar or not, but I cannot believe she went so far as to set up hotel accomodations, meetings, etc, and didn't get "physical" with him. If the emails were exotic, and there was no one there to stop it, do you really believe nothing happened? And so what if she swore on the Bible. She hid this from you for HOW LONG? She's deceptive. In my opinion, you have good reason NOT to trust her, until she earns that trust back, which should include her calling this guy right in front of you and breaking it off. If your heart and trust have been "trampled beyond compare", then you need to move on, Hon. What kind of life is it going to be always wondering where she is, who or what she's doing, or if she'll do it again. (Been there, done that, and I know how much it sucks) It's just not worth it. Sometimes, what you do is just unrepairable. You have to determine for yourself if there's any way she can ever earn your trust again. You have a good right to walk away from this. Betrayal like this is VERY hard to get over. But it does make you wiser. (Sadly, a little more wary, and suspicious of people too) One thing I cannot stand is lying. When you're busted, you're busted. Tell me the truth. In my case, I had to go to the source to get the complete truth, because HE wasn't going to give it to me.
It did make me a lot stronger, and smarter though. Hang in there....you ARE going to be okay either way. You deserve better than this. Make it happen..with her, or without her. If she can't be loyal and faithful to you, I guarantee you, somebody out there can!

Answer 3

Unfortunately you are not God and her swearing on the Bible can't mean too much to her afterall she cheated on you both emotionally and physically. She is only sorry now because she got caught. She is admitting things to you now because she got caught. If she wouldn't have been caught she would have kept this thing going and one day she may have gotten the courage up enough to divorce you and be with this guy. She snuck behind you for this long, and chances are she may repeat this behavior once she gets her marriage in a more comfortable state. She's not happy that's obvious but she doesn't want to tell you that, she's scared and has too much to lose and doesn't want to look this way in front of family and friends, and I'm sure there's a part of her that doesn't want to hurt you. Ask yourself is it worth the headache of torturing yourself every day for probabaly years to come? You will never trust her again and if you do it will take literally years and part of you will always wonder. Believe me, this will turn you into something that you're not. It's torture. And I'd rather go through the heart ache of losing someone now so you can be stronger for someone who really deserves you.

Answer 4

Let me take a wild guess...you're hurt and she doesn't understand your pain. She think it's nothing...To you it means the world. A major part of you that you hokd so close to your heart is broken into pieces and you can't seem to find the pieces to put it all but if you could. But yet, you still love her despite what she's done. You can't get the image out of your mind. Some days are good days and other are like thunder that stike with a vengence. Where do you go from here. You want her to understand and comfort you in your time of healing... But yet you ask yourself, is it worth it. Can you really save this relationship or marriage. How can you, if you can't trust the one person whom you hold so dear to your heart could do this to you. Do you blame yourself or ask if there if you could have done somethink diferently this would have never happen. These are just some of the questions that run in and out of your mind. So, how do you deal with all of this? How can you ever trust her again? Do you question her every action? Yes...To be honest with you, only you know what or how far you can let this go on. No one can tell you to leave or dump her and start over again...Only you can make that decision. Whichever one, I hope it's the one you can live with. Good luck....

Answer 5

Sorry, but if she met him it is more than an e-mail and phone relationship. There are many lines to be crossed in a relationship but I think physically meeting someone you have been emailing is a huge one. She is searching for something you can't or won't give. Don't take it personally some people live in the fantasy of on line and equate it to real life and some people don't count their behavior on line as "actually" doing anything ( I have a similar problem). You have been hurt and my heart goes out to you. At least you have discussed it, me personally the meeting would have ended it but I am a very right or wrong person apparently most aren't. I am a firm believer of intentions. If she had never intended anything to happen then why the meetings? I would suggest either going to counseling or cut your losses dear. The Internet gives fuel to the fires of unaccountability and lets everyone explore their dark sides.
Good luck hun.

Answer 6

Its hard to give you advice because theres going to me half leave her and half work it out, but in reality its all about what kind of person you are and she is. If you are both forgiving then it would work. A lot of it is just time. Personally, if my husband hid something and actually went out of his way to have dinner and all that with some other woman, i wouldn't even care about the physical part because all that right there is enough for me to leave and lose complete trust. It seems like you have already hit the point where you can't stop thinking about it because you know her doing all that was wrong even if she actually did something with him or not, ya know what i mean? Because it is wrong- plain and simple. If you really want to be with her and you can put aside her little "getaway" go to counseling. I think you deserve to live a life without feeling this way, however you can achieve that-go for it.

Answer 7

Talk to her before this gets way out of hand and you say something that you may not mean to and it hurts her and she leaves and then asks for a divorce. I had a friend that that happened to and it all worked out for him but it may not you. Just explain to her what this is doing to you and ask her to stop. Tell her the that phone calls are a bit too much and if she doesnt feel the way you do about you then it is time to move on.
If you two do get the chance to work things out then you have to remember to forgive and forget and start off new. Things like trust is hard to repair but if she is willign and so are you then it shouldnt be so hard.... Good Luck

Answer 8

Rather she did or did not do anything physical, she has betrayed your trust and that is something that you will probably never get back again in this marriage. I don't like divorce but I think you will never be happy or satisfied with her again because you can't trust her. She proved that. If she did it once, she'll do it again with someone.

Best to let her go and let her do as she pleases as hard as it is and if you can't do that, then you need to learn to look the other way and not let this bother you which would totally be wrong to do. Be a man and step out of the picture and find someone who will be true to you and only you.

Answer 9

One of the major problems with MMO's is that lots of other people are constantly giving your wife lots of attention, compliments, and gifts. The image she presents to the virtual world is deceptive. Always attractive with a slamming body. She'll look at all these people praising her and wonder why you aren't treating her as well as you when your relationship was new, and start thinking about other opportunities.

It is one thing for her to meet someone she knows from the game. It is another do it behind your back. It was a betrayal of your trust, wether it ever got physical or not.

I am not going to tell you to get a divorce, as so many of these clowns love to do. You should discuss it with her and agree that she stop playing online MMO-style games entirely, immediately. No dropping in to say good-byes, no selling or giving away her in-game items, no whatever. Cancel the account, uninstall the game, and break the game CDs in half.

If she cannot bring herself to do that (which having played for years I can understand the reluctance), your marriage is in peril.

Answer 10

If the situation was reversed she would never forgive you. Just because she hasn't had a physical relationship with the other man doesn't mean it isn't cheating. 10 years is a long time and she should be faithful to you. Dinner with him is cheating, you are her husband and supposed to be her soul mate. You may forgive but I don't think you will ever be able to forget. You will always have doubts in your mind and that is an awful way to live. Good luck though.