What do you do if your husband keeps looking at porn? At which point do you say enough? Then what do you do?

Question

Several times I have found porn mags and pics that my husband hid. He says he will get rid of them, and then I find them again. I have cried to him and told him how much it hurts me and makes me feel like I am not enough for him. At first he said I wasn't having sex with him enough so I had sex with him more. This last time I found the pictures, before I told him I found them I asked him if he were still attracted to me and if he was satisfied with our sex life and he said yes. Then when I asked him why he was still printing porn pictures, he still tried to turn it around to something I am doing wrong. I am beginning to think he won't stop and I am just not enough for him. I am not unattractive, believe me I turn my share of heads. I can't trust him anymore and I am beginning to think this will lead to something else if it hasn't already. How do I handle this?

I was so mad this last time that I was going to print some pictures of some fine *** men just to see how he likes it. I went on a website with pictues of men with no shirts (NOT PORN). I didn't even print them. He checked the history on the internet and seen the website and now is trying to act like I am just as bad as him because I was trying to show him it didn't feel good. I might as well have went to a porn site! He didn't like me looking at men with clothes on, so how does he justify looking at women with none?

Answer 1

Relax, looking at porn is not a bad thing. If he was cheating on you then that is one thing, but you have to understand that he is still a guy. He may have given up all other women to be with you, but he still likes to look. Understand he is a guy and that is just the way it is and you are not going to change him.

Answer 2

Ah the porn situation. Most couples go through it. Well I have a number of insightful viewpoints and potential solutions for you. Let's start off by looking at the bright side, shall we? First of all, it is only porn. It may sound like I'm making it seem like not a big deal, but when you think about it, it's not. Be glad that he isn't looking at gay porn or cheating on you. Both could be REALLY worrysome. It's a simple fact that guys look at porn, married or not. This doesn't mean that he is losing any interest in you or anything, but sometimes it is just something guys do. Second, he really is trying not to hurt you. It is bad that he lied to you, but you know he did it out of his love for you. Ok, so solution time. My first solution I got from you where you said "maybe i might like it too." My compliments to you first of all for having such an open mind! You are truely a great wife. So why not go to an adult store, rent a movie and suprise him. Make porn something that he doesn't have to use as a dirty secret and make it something you two can enjoy together. Watch it and incorporate it into your sex life. You can both get aroused by it or roleplay and fantasize after or during it. Maybe you can both get some good tips on how to pleasure each other! Second, I get this from an episode of Sex in the City. You can get him a magazine and put your pictures on the bodies or something. If he HAS to look at it, at least you can be a part of it. Porn doesn't have to be a problem in marriage, but secrecy can be. If you show an open mind and true caring about him (like you are) then I'm sure he will quit being so secretive. I wish you all the best and I'm really proud of you for acting the way you have!

Answer 3

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Answer 4

*First of all I honestly think you are making way too much of the situation. I do understand that you have strong dislike for the whole pornography, and that is fine.*


~However since I am not chin deep in details of your marriage it's really hard to decipher whether or not your husband would be cheating on you in any way at all.~

.Now I think also that like Strip Clubs, pornography is simply visual stimulation and nothing more for men...and even some women out there.

.I know this may seem silly, but I think your husband has an addiction to the porn. And he needs to feed that addiction.

*I do not believe it has anything to do with you personally. Honest to god.*

.So here is what I would do in your situation....

1. REPEAT how it makes you feel once more to him.
2. Go out to the sex shop store and pick yourself up some cute little naughty outfits.
3. Role play......
4. Buy some toys...or oils for massages, and experiment new things.
5. (No I'm not going to tell you to watch the porns with him!)


**Quit being so hard on yourself!! I'm sure you are a gorgeous woman and you have nothing but good things to offer. There is no reason some nasty a** sleeze bag girl on a cheap porn set who sleeps with anyone and everyone should make you feel insuperior or jealous!!

*You are so much better than that.*

.All I think is that you just need to spice things up a bit...and I don't know maybe be a little bold and go get your hair cut a little and put some nice highlights in and get a nice bronze glow :):) I'm not saying you "need" to, but it's the little things, and it can make such a big difference.

.*Other than trying to talk about it again and spicing things up, I am really not sure how else you can handle it....other than divorce. And I think that divorce is a little drastic, but I mean it's your choice when it comes down to it.*

good luck.

Answer 5

really why do girls have a problem about there b/f or husband on looking at porn! ! ! researchers have study ed that's natural and healthy for men. for example would you rather have him go buy a hooker and cheating on you behind your back!!!! some even say maybe some thin happen when they where young kids and they saw this or where around people that had this stuff laying around or and them on TV. and an ant or cousin did something sexual to them when there where Young. so don't take it 2 hard and if you see the people that have problems with this matter are ladies that are not attractive any more or have gained wight ! ! ! ! ! u just dont know if he had a bad childhood!. just keep an open mind and talk 2 him maybe see what he see? ask him if he still finds you attractive? don't get mad! just see it as an addiction

Answer 6

If it's an addiction to porn, it's an issue. Otherwise, if he just likes to look at it now and then, it shouldn't be a problem and there is NO reason for you to feel unattractive or like you aren't enough for him.

So many women REALLY need to work on understanding men better. Yeah, it's a really kewl idea to think you are the only person your man ever wants to see naked again the rest of his life, but it's also just (often) not reality.

Men are visual creatures...you aren't always around for him to look at, so he'll take a look at mags or a video. As long as it's not an addiction, it's harmless. Don't base your self esteem or self worth on the fact that your man is just being a (stereotypical) man.

If you feel his viewing is excessive, suggest counseling. Anything can be overdone, even healthy things.

Answer 7

Coming from a guy. This is normal to took at nude pix or videos. This does not mean that you are not sexy or good looking. All men do it. Also you should not put yourself down cuz of that. If he put you down or blames you for looking at the pixs or videos then that's a big problem. If he prefers to see the pixs or videos and not you that's a Huge problem that's an addiction and he need help. If he puts u down or lies about it he is addicted. Look in to Obsessive-compulsive disorders. You may ask y but OCD is a serious problem and he my be having sexual obsessions and unwanted sexual thoughts that may make him do want he is doing and not realizing it. Or those not want to admit it. I have OCD and I have sexual obsessions but I learn to control them and I never went as far to put my wife 2nd to any pix or video. Wife feeling and her sexuality has always come first. I love my wife and I respect her that's way I got help.

Check this web site out.

http://www.ocfoundation.org/
http://www.ocfoundation.org/UserFiles/File/Questions-Answers-About-OCD.pdf

Answer 8

Your husband's attitude is strange, I'll agree with you there. My wife knows I look at porn, and I never tell her that she's not enough for me. I never compare her to porn stars in my own mind, so there is never any sense that my wife is "not enough" for me. Porn is fun and interesting, and it has nothing to do with my relationship with my wife.

If I were your husband, I would look up some sites for you that show naked men, and send you the website addresses. It doesn't bother me in the least if my wife looks at the males in porn. If it gets her aroused, the beneficiary is me!

I think that the problem you and your husband are having is not with porn itself, but about your weird, insecure, threatened attitudes about it. You're behaving as though there's something *horrible* about it, or plain wrong, but there's not. It's just fuel for fantasy imagination -- good, dirty fun.

Both of you would do well to stop making a big deal out of it!

Answer 9

Me and my boyfriend have been through this so many times, I tried so hard to find reasons and excuses for it to be ok, and me to be ok with it. But everytime I find out he does it, I cry like a baby, it breaks my heart so bad. He tells me it has nothing to do with me, meaning he loves only me and will never cheat on me he just wants to see it every now and then. It bothers me because I don't want to see other men naked or having sex just because I am in a committed relationship and can't have sex with other people. I do not think it is ok or justifiable for a man to be married or committed and still think just because they aren't having sex with someone doesn't mean they aren't cheating just because the girls are on tv.

I asked my boyfriend why he watches that stuff because he will flip through and be like she's skanky, she's a whore, but still watch it when I am not around, though it doesn't effect our sexlife, it makes me miserable thinking about him being turned on by someone besides me.

I totally agree with ncowifeusaf5, you are so right, I asked my boyfriend how he would like it if that was me or his mom or sister in one of those and he got pissed. I was like well- there ya go!

Answer 10

This is a hard thing, I guess you just have to decide where your breaking point is. He obviously is not committed to changing, or he would have done what it takes to quit. This is not your fault at all. I know how hard this is for you. You want to give him the opportunity to do the right thing. There comes a point when you have to realize that he is not going to do that as long as you keep him around. If he is not taking responsibility for his actions- by turning around on you- then he is not ready to change. NEVER let him put this on you. This is not just a "man thing" it is a sick thing. Real men don't disrespect the women they love in this manner. You have to decide when enough is enough. Only you can decide that. I think there is a likelihood that he is not changing anytime soon. Do you want him to pass this behavior to your children? Do you want him to teach you sons this is correct behavior? If you keep him around, while he is doing this then your kids will think you approve of this behavior- it will get passed on to your kids.

I know how tough this can be. I had to deal with the same thing. my ex had other addictions as well, including alcohol. I finally got tired of not being able to trust him and ended the marriage. Lucky for me, I had no kids.

Answer 11

I am very sorry to hear that you are hurting, but I will be frank.

Let me get this straight... he hides it from you, lies to you about it, and blames you when he is caught...

So how much deceit and lack of personal responsibility are you going to put up with?

Does he love you more than he loves his porn? Obviously his actions (right now) indicate that he doesn't. But I would recommend giving him a choice: Either he realizes how much is he hurting you by lying and blame-shifting, and does a complete 180 in how he treats you, or he goes to marriage counseling with you. If he does neither, go to counseling by yourself. And maybe a lawyer.

Seriously, it's a matter of trust and respect.