Ok I am seprated My X still pays all the bills. Imean everything.. Even if I want to go out with friends.He does this because we have three young children at home 2,4.8. I have never work once I had children.. I am stay at home mom.... We didn't want to change their lives so much. It was already messed up with us fight all the time and him leaving.. We thought for now this was better for our children not going to court right away..So my question is I went out with two differnt men and both of them had a promblem with my x still paying for me... We are not friend we do not hang out.. We only talk for the kids or about bills..Both of them said they felt funny that another man was still so involed in my life... What do you think and why...No mean answers like get a job,,. We have a disabled son I am home to make a better life for my kids.. Thanks...
2007-06-01 05:53:26 · 16 answers · asked by Mamabear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And by law where we live if you live at two differnt addresses and both agree to it you are legally separated...It has been 10 months and two dats in that time.Yes I know we need to file..
2007-06-01 06:08:31 · update #1
oh and believe me there is NOOOOO chance of us getting back ..Even if we went to court right now ..He still would be paying..So I don't get it..Thanks everyone I love the different answers..
2007-06-01 06:16:23 · update #2
The guys you're dating just don't realize that it will be that way for along time to come. Your husband, possibly ex-husband will always be involved. As a parent, paying child support, and possibly alimony. The only difference right now is it's voluntary instead of court ordered. YOur dates need to understand that about life and divorces with children.
2007-06-01 06:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by Carp 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, congragulations on what sounds like decent situation as far as the separation. Although, it sounds like you haven't had much luck on finding a decent man to date.
If a guy has a problem with you still getting support from your ex husband, then he is probobly a controling type person, & unfortunately a lot of men are. Now, if your ex husband isn't in the picture, & is not always over at your house, then your financial agreement really isn't anyone elses business. Also, depending on how long you've been dating another individual, it seems pretty forward of them, to me, to have any concern in this matter what so ever. I think that you just haven't found the right guy yet, so don't give up, keep looking. If a guy has a problem with this now, then he always will, that is just not going to change. My sugestion is to be totally upfront on your next "new" date by telling him what's going on, & how big of a problem this is for you, & if he has any uncertainty about this, then it probobly won't work out.
I mean eventually if you move into a relationship that is long term & possibly even looking like another marriage, then of course you will have to reconcider this arrangement. But for the time being, I wouldn't change anything except the guy that has a problem with your current situation.
I live together with my girlfriend now for five years, & she has a daughter that I am very fond of, & take responsibility for, but her ex husband still pays child support legally, & I don't have a problem with it. I mean I can't get her on my insurance because we aren't married, & I haven't legally adopted her, so every little bit helps. There is just so much more to a relationship than control. From my viewpoint, if one person is in total control then it is not healthy & not much of a relationship. As long as your ex husband is not a part of any new relationship you may have, then his absense should never be an issue. The only time I would think this could justifiably be a problem is if I was constantly having to see the ex, this would kind of be uncomfortable, but out of sight is out of mind, so just keep looking for someone who is compatable with your way of thinking, as well as compassionate & understnding to the situation in full.
Good luck
2007-06-01 06:48:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jason W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not mean...Just the simple truth. It appears to me, you have taken the "seperation" to the next level, with your dating.
I support the "stay at home mom" idea 100%. I DO NOT support women I do not live with. That would be you and your future husbands thing. Unless alimony is ordered.
The men didn't have a problem with your husband. They had a problem with you. Okay, so you have a handicapped child. I know at least 10 people here locally that have the same issues. You really expect your ex to maintain this? You really expect a "decent" man to accept this? You are getting ready for some real losers in your life. I can hear the players lining up outside your doors now.....The cow...without having to pay for it...wooohhooooo!!!
I have a problem with the fact that you are now a single parent and don't work....period.
My children would be living with ME, since I would be the one with the money. You would get a job at McDonalds...to support your NEW lifestyle. And, I would hire someone to care for the handicap child while I worked.
Chris Rock said it best...You are accustom to a certian lifestyle.....Your husband is accustom to sex....is that part of your deal also?
2007-06-01 06:18:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I can see why the guys would be uncomfortable about your husband (he's not an "ex" - you're separated, not divorced). Be honest about that. It is an awful lot of involvement for someone who is separated. Is there a divorce in the future? If not, then you most likely won't find many guys willing to date you.
I see nothing wrong with "hanging out" with male friends. You need adult-time too after being at home all day every day. But anything more than a casual friendship I think will be hard to find in this current situation.
I admire your husband's willingness to do this for his kids.
2007-06-01 06:05:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure I understand what their problem was. I mean it IS your X's responsibility to provide for the children he sired. Even after a divorce, he will pay child support at least, so he will be financially involved until the children are adults. I think those guys need to grow up and get real.
2007-06-01 06:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by mikey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kerri,
The problem may be that you are not an independent woman. The arrangement you and your "x" husband has works to maintain stability for the family, but does not allow you to grow and move on. The children are small so they do need mom and dad, but what happens when they are grown? How will you support yourself and be fulfilled?
I think you need to get some counseling to figure out what you want to do. College courses, joining clubs or working part time may help you make this transition.
Good luck.
2007-06-01 06:03:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time to get ready to move on girl...Get a job now or you will loose custody . Its great your husband pays for all your needs but this won't last when its over... Wake up.... The men u see want to make sure you r available thats why they r not happy . Careful not to fall into another relationship right away..... You will always qualify for aid from the state w/ a needy child but make sure you r using that for him. Your husband sounds like a good man . Be sure this is what you want . He doesn't sound selfish thats for sure . He is being smart for him to show responsibility. When he doesn't do that the COURTS will hit him hard ... Hes a smart man........Either way be ready for a lifestyle change..... Ive been living that way 3 yrs. but Im married to a selfish man who is even letting the house go.... He so stupid but he does this to hurt me. We have been going through this 4 ...3 years. I hope the courts see this ...they will then he will be sorry..... Your lifestyle should not have to change drastically.....
2007-06-01 06:08:45 · answer #7 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you aren't going to be with your husband you need to get to court and get this taken care of. It isn't better for the kids to have this situation unresolved. I am sure that you will get child support and alimony, so the money will still be there, but it will go through the correct legal avenues first. I definately wouldn't date you in this situation. You need to show that you are moving forward with your life...it seems that you are trying to hang on. You are an adult so there is no reason not to move forward and take care of the divorce.
2007-06-01 05:59:09 · answer #8 · answered by dyer4dolphins 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no way in the world i would want anything to do with with you other then being friends . This is why ,say i fell in love with you and wanted to keep you for myself .How could i do that if you never even got a separation to me it looks like you don't want him completely out of your life and you may get back together some day then where would i be .LONELY and heart broke .
If i was looking for just a little action then bring it on but don't expect any thing ells.
2007-06-01 06:11:38 · answer #9 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do not and should not tell anyone right off the bat the story of your life, nor your financial matters. What you have worked out with your ex-husband for the sake of your kids is up to you and him, and should not be anyone else concern. You take care of your kids, you provide a home for them, clean cook, care, and educate. Therefore YOU HAVE A JOB. THE HARDEST ONE ON THE PLANET.
When and if you decide to date, as far as your prospective future boyfriend/s are concerned the alimony and support payment is a private matter.
Make sure your divorce is LEGALLY FINALIZED and all the financial issues resolved legally, so you can close this door firmly, and you, your kids and your ex-husband will be better for it. Good Luck.
2007-06-01 06:02:12 · answer #10 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋