I'm turning 30 this year and had a major meltdown. I have been drunk everyday for the last 6 months, hated my job, wanted to end my life, lost our baby and had a couple of affairs on my wife. I recently came to terms with what I did and sobered up. I also told her everything and she is confused on what to do. How can I gain her trust again?
2007-06-01 05:14:23 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How can I gain her trust again? You are going to have to kiss her a$$ and count your blessings for the rest of your life.
If she decides to keep you bear in mind the party’s over. No more late nights, no more controlling arguments about the remote control (read between the lines) and no more free rides. Unless you want to experience the heartbreak and emotional rollercoaster you put your wife through.
Dude you are screwed.
2007-06-01 05:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by The truth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you loose your baby before everything else started? If that's the case then it was your greef that prompet you to do all these other things.
Few people know what it's like to loose a child, it can have a very serious impact on your life, unlike anything else. A few years ago I lost my first daughter, still born, and went on a 8 month benge. I lost a good job, was drunk almost nighly, would dissapear from my wife for days at a time (literaly I would tell her I was running to the store for cigerettes and come back 3 or 4 days later). I never cheated, had plenty of opportunity but never let it happen.
The only thing I can tell you is give it time. She may decide to leave, and there is nothing you can do to change that, but tell her about me and that I eventually got back to a loving husband and care for my wife more then ever. It will be hard to get past these issues, but me and my wife have had 7 years together sence all this happened, and we are still happy (most of the time, but that's marrige)
2007-06-01 05:30:59 · answer #2 · answered by honest guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The "mid life crisis" thing is just a flimsy excuse, so stop using it.
I'm glad that you got your wake up call and have started to turn your life around.
The only way you can gain her trust is by being true to your word and showing her through your everyday actions that you can be trusted. It will take a lot of time, if it happens at all, so you have to be willing and patient.
You also have to be ready to accept it if she simply does not want to give you another chance. You've been drunk "everyday", had "a couple" of affairs and you lost a baby. That's a lot for someone to have to deal with. Be patient with her and understanding if she decides to leave. Learn from the experience.
If you haven't started already, get some counseling, for both of you. Good Luck.
2007-06-01 05:27:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't.
Any lady in her right mind would dump you and flee, never to return. Betrayal is the deal breaker in a marriage, hon, and by sharing the passion with someone else, she'll hsve a tough time getting past the visual of you pronging another lady. And her respect and admiration for you are in the toilet too.... And make no mistake, as an alcoholic, you are already in a relationship,,,, it just isn't with her, and it never will be.... you've just become a dry drunk.... There's about no way you could be a worse rat. If she is willing, you may try a few years of counseling, and I say a few years, because any counselor will tell you it will take two years to repair the lost trust with betrayal.... In her shoes, I'd run,,,,, oh, yeah, I did run, and found a guy not with all the baggage.... she may too. But without counseling, you have zero chances.... sorry for you hon.
2007-06-01 05:22:56 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How did you lose "our baby" if you are the male half of this relationship?
30 is not a mid-life crisis - that's just your excuse for your immaturity and bad choices. I would suggest that you attend counseling (intensive psychotherapy) to deal with all the issues you have as it doesn't seem like you are able to deal with life on life's terms. It sounds like you have been looking for quick fixes and didn't care who you hurt while you were out there looking for your fix - whether through sex, alcohol, drugs, whatever.
As for your wife trusting you again - that's something that will take a long time to repair and will mean that you will have no privacy for a long time with your cell phone, computer use, time away from home, etc. Are you willing to be scrutinized a lot until your wife has regained her trust in you? Are you willing to go to therapy, AA and do whatever it takes to mend the relationship? Because this is a MAJOR OFFENSE and it will take a lot of effort and patience on your part and a lot of time to repair the mess you made with your selfish, immature choices. It doesn't sound like you are mature enough to handle that.
Good luck.
2007-06-01 05:23:00 · answer #5 · answered by Stefka 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that this was a midlife crisis. I think what you are trying to say is that you were going through a depression. First I want to say that I am sorry for the loss you and your wife suffered in losing your child. This initself has tramatized your lives. You both had hopes and dreams for this little person in your worlds. Women suffer a tremendous overwhelming loss when they lose a baby and men are no different in their feelings. You drank ,you hated your job, you had 2 affairs and wanted to end your life because you were trying to escape from the pain in your own life. I am not saying that what you did and what you were thinking was right ....but I don't think you intentionally meant to hurt anybody you were beating up yourself! It took some time but I think you came to realize what it was that you were doing to yourself and how all of this affected someone else's life. The one thing that is good now is that you see it and that you don't ever want to go back there again! You understand that the way you were headed was not good and there would be no answer in it for yourself. You know now that you are better than that and you do want to make things right in the here and now. The only way that the two of you can even start to make it is through marriage counseling...or talking with someone in high status at a church. Trust can be earned again if you both still love one another and commit to never making the same mistakes again! You will both have to start over with each other and it will take everything you've got in the right way of hope and understanding to promise to protect one another from ever getting hurt again. You can never cheat, never drink, and never think to end your life again. Your focus would be on loving your wife in the best way and making her feel secure in her world with you. You have to change the things you can and communicate with her on the highest level. You will have to let her work on her pain and understand how you will have to carry a lot of it to get her through. You will have to hold her and hug her in defense of things she may ever say or bring up about the past and it will take years of hard work to make the both of you strong. If you really in your heart are sorry and you know you will never act on anything again that does not have her best intrest in mind......You can make it....through the bad and the good. This will be total commetment on the relationship alone and disconnecting with old friends and only spending the best quality of your lives together. You both will need help and guidance with a lot of respect and consideration from one another. If you see it ....reach for it....if you can touch it ..grab it and hold it dearly for the rest of your life. Best wishes and may everything work out for the both of you.
2007-06-01 06:10:48 · answer #6 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you will never gain her trust again. She may forgive but she will never forget. You have to prove that you are turned around not for a few days, weeks, or months, rather for a lifetime. Any changes that you decide, cannot affect her in any major way. She probably sacrificed much more than what you have inflicted upon her. Thus you have to realize your faults, and make up for your wrongdoings at your own expense.
Betrayal is very very difficult to heal for either party.
Being open, honest and true is the best start.
Good luck.
2007-06-01 05:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by MAVE 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You want someone to forgive you for your actions. Ask yourself if your wife had done these things would you forgive her? You should have been their for the lose of your baby.
You want somone to hold you hand and say everything you did was okay. You are also too young for mid life crisis . I hate to see you at 50. You will be a real big jerk then.
If you wife forgives you . You better kiss her a***** the rest of her life , because there is no other person in the world that would forgive and forget except God.
2007-06-01 05:24:06 · answer #8 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can have a mid life crisis at 30 or any age you like. You told her all. Good for you. After she has calmed down and let you back in the house ;) Take her out to a nice dinner. or a wonderful romantic weekend. Let her know how bad you feel. Yes you can fix it. It will never be the same but she will still be there.
Good luck
2007-06-01 05:27:42 · answer #9 · answered by kkapustka 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? Learn here https://tr.im/zzzGc
It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.
2016-02-11 03:29:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋