I know I had great advice from all of you out there... I am wondering if I should be lowering his child support payments if he cannot afford food, gas, rent, car payments, bankruptcy payments, 1000.00+ in parking tickets and numerous pay day loans..I know he can file with the courts to have child support reduced ,,, if this happens should I comply before it goes to court or see what a judge would say???
As of yesterday the father of 3 will not see or speak to his kids until he straightens out his life... blaming me for taking his blood away etc. etc. acts like he is the only person who has separated from his kids... he had plenty of money when we separated to live on ... he blew it on bad choices and now can't afford to see his kids because he has no money for gas etc. food for them etc.
2007-06-01 04:53:11 · 32 answers · asked by Realistic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No dont lower it. He made the choice not to buy appropriate tickets, permits etc he knew he was running the risk of getting caught. He should be putting his children first any how. He is just running away and blaming you because it suits him not to have contact, he cannot possibly admit it his his fault because he is not man enough to. He is attempting to deflect the situation. He had made his bed let him lay in it.
2007-06-01 05:00:06 · answer #1 · answered by tempest 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Ok, here's a different view, and I'm ready for the thumbs down.
HIM: He needs to go to court asap to get his support lowered. Unfortunately he probably can't afford a lawyer, so the judge might jerk him around and may not care. Still, child support is supposed to help the kids, not hurt the parents. Regardless of how many kids a couple have neither parent should be homeless or unable to eat.
YOU: If you have to ask on Yahoo! on whether your children's father should be able to eat and live, you have an issue. Also, from your previous question, you said you left your husband for another man. Why would you put your kids and family in this situation?
Sounds like you BOTH made bad decisions in your lives. Now you BOTH need to work together to make sure your kids have what they need. This includes not only $$$, but also the love and support of two parents.
2007-06-01 05:32:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Totally up to you, but its nice to see that you are taking into consideration that he is the father of your children and a human being and your trying to figure out whats right for everyone... Its unrealistic to say he needs to get a second and third job if he really cares about the kids like some people have responded... if that were the case why don't you get a second or third job if you NEED the financial help so bad... Don't you care about your kids also~ is what those people might as well have said by responding that way... Good luck to you...if you really can't decide bring it to court and let a judge decide... It would be wonderful if there were more exes like you in this world... that realize that exes (and father of children) are people too and they aren't your personal atm :)
2007-06-01 05:27:51 · answer #3 · answered by busymum 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No matter what, his children are his children and he needs to support them. If you accept less then that means you have to make it up somehow. For some reason men seem to think that the child support money goes to the ex to spend as she wishes. You have rent to pay, food, clothing, doctor and dentist bills and more. I made the mistake of signing for less on divorce papers because I trusted my ex when he said he would pay me more anyway. As soon as I signed the papers he stopped giving me any extra. I worked 3 jobs from the time my kids were 3 & 4. I missed everything when they were growing up because if I didn't work , they would not have had the basics that they needed. You are taking care of the kids - let him get a second job. They think it's a joke to raise kids while they are out looking to spend their money on new girlfriends.
2007-06-01 06:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way let the child support just pile up and when he does have money it goes there. It is not yours or your kids fault he is broke. My daughters BIOlogical father always tries to make me feel sorry for him and I just say to him well I am sure there are some decisions in your past that put you here and my baby is not paying for them. He owes over a grand and one day when and if he ever falls into money my daughter will get the money she deserves.
2007-06-01 06:44:11 · answer #5 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he a good dad? Does he love his kids and want to be a part of their lives?
We all make bad choices, its just how the rest of the world penalizes us for them. If you think it would help him and keep you and he on good standing for your kids sake, then why not cut him some slack. Just tell him that when he is back on his feet that he can help you with the kids more.
I dont see any reason for exes to stop trying to do what is best for the kids, if dad has a better existence then they will too. And if the 2 of you can work together on things that will make your children a lot more adjusted than what normal parents do, bicker and fight to the last dime.
It is your choice, sounds like you are a pretty good ex wife to even be considering this option.
2007-06-01 05:14:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hang on a minute - this is not about you it's about your children. Of course you MUST lower his child support payments, just imagine the damaging effect this must be having on your children. Remember you once loved this man enough to bear his children, your responsibility is to your children and that includes ensuring they see their father in the best possible light. You may have fallen out of love with this guy - your choice, however I am sure you children still adore him. Please do not be selfish - your children's whole future depends on the way in which you handle this.
2007-06-01 10:13:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. And entirely your call. The compassionate thing to do would be to give the guy a break. If he's really THAT bad off, then chances are seeing his kids every now and then is probably the only positive thing he has going right now. On the other hand, if he's not responsible enough to handle things like parking tickets, then the least he can do is to try and take care of his kids with whatever he can afford. This is ENTIRELY your call.
Only question is this: If he were a millionnaire would he be the type of man to take care of his kids and be the father you want him to be? Is MONEY the only issue? Because if not, then there's your answer.
2007-06-01 04:57:53 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
This is a man who has chosen his path in life. He is the only one that can straighten it out. You are being co dependent , in that you want to fix things for him again. This is what is wrong with him no one every made him stand up and face the mistakes he has made. He wants to blame the world instead of himself. The judge looked at his finances when the order was given . He made wrong choices to get in this shape. Let him find his way out it is called tuff love. He needs to learn to take care of himself and not blame others. Don't bail him out take care of your family and let him learn to do the same.
Let the judge tell him what is fair so he can not blame you again.
2007-06-01 05:30:14 · answer #9 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to love him. And to love your children. As an adult, he needs to take responsiblity and sort himself out. And part of that might be allowing him to have to go to court, to face up to the mess he's created. But don't restrict his access to his children unnecessarily as it will hurt him and the children too. It looks like helping him financially won't help him grow, it sounds like he needs to work through that himself. But maybe you could help him in other ways - help him write his cv to find a better paid job, or find him a book to teach him to budget so he can manage his money better. I'll be praying for you and your family.
2007-06-01 09:11:30 · answer #10 · answered by itchy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If u needed a opinion u already have the answer to your ? u must feel some type of grief for yourself or your kids because u recognise that situations do change and bills do come and go that boot bill will be over in a year and if u lower the payments he might be able to pay other bills so go with your heart
2007-06-01 05:16:34 · answer #11 · answered by lillovin 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋