How to deal with bitchy women during pregnancy?

Question

I am 14 weeks pregnant with my second baby. (I am 27 now, and had my first at 25, after 1 year of being married to the man I've been dating for 5 years). I work in an urban/academic environment, and a lot of the women that I have to associate with are very career-oriented, and have openly expressed their opinion that having kids before 35 is a huge mistake. A lot of them think that having children at all is a huge mistake, and act in a very condescending manner around me. What can I do to deal with them? What kind of snappy comebacks can I have when they make snide remarks about "procreating at such an alarming rate"?

I don't think that you HAVE to have kids early. It's just a choice I made because I feel that this is the right time in my life. I don't want to be judgmental of their decisions, but I also want to defend my own choices.

Answer 1

Personally I am surprised at the attitude of working 'career-minded' women these days. They consider stopping to have kids almost an insult to their impressive resumes! To each his own, but if they are going to prefer their cubicle to a crib, then they should also respect the fact that you are bring a life into this world.
They are the same women who stop at 47 and think, oh no is it too late and cry on about how their 'time' is running out. Running out indeed, when they've had their period since they were probably 12, and could have kids as early as age 20 and above. Their body was READY, and they were not, and they ignored their prime. In the long run, you will have a career AND kids, and they will just think the missed the bus.
I think its sad they put off for tomorrow what they can achieve today. A life spent in office does not give more than regrets on a lonely deathbed.
Anyway, you cant really be making comebacks because its stressful sparring with barren, cold office machines. Just keep your chin up, be firm and tell them to stop making such comments or you will have to report them for harrassment!

Answer 2

I know their comments must really infuriate you, but try not to get too snappy or you will start becoming like them - frustrated and bitter.

Instead, be content in the knowledge that motherhood is a gift and that every baby is a blessing. Your calm self-assurance and joy at being a mother is the best "comeback" you can have.

They are simply dealing with feelings of guilt and inadequacy, perhaps because they have not embraced motherhood as they should, and are living lives only for themselves.

But if you really want to say something, when some express concern over "procreating at such an alarming rate" just say "I know, I think it's so incredible how blessed I am!"

Combat negativism with positivism and hope. And don't ever forget to pray that God will soften their hearts.

Answer 3

Actually, there is no reason to defend yourself against them.
You dont have to.

Even though it makes you angry, as it would anyone else, you really will not feel better about it and they will still be the same way.
You can politely ask them not to make comments or share their opinions with you if they are going to be rude or condescending about your situation.
Everyone is different and will have their own opinions...

And anyone who says "procreating at such an alarming rate" is a probably someone who should not procreate at all. ;)

Just laugh at them girl.

Answer 4

Relax, girl.........It's pretty obvious that they're jealous of you finding true love and making a nest for you, your mate and your babies while they're still groping with their careers. Whilst it's a good thing to be financially independent, being a mother has its benefits, too. Look at you: You're a career woman, too, aren't you? So what is it that they have, that you don't have? Don't let their snide remarks get to you. As long as they don't harm you or your baby, you're doing fine.

Twenty years from now, when you're approaching old age, you'll have big kids and maybe even grand kids. In other words, you'll have a large family. I wonder what they'll be doing at that age........probably, still drumming their fingers on the desk waiting for another promotion.

Answer 5

Good for you for not being judgemental of their decision not to have kids or to postpone it. I dont think you need a snappy or witty comeback at all. Just tell them that everyone makes decisions that are correct for them at the time. Make it known that you're decision to have kids was not a mistake just like their decision not thave kids is not a mistake. By showing tolerance towards their decision, they'll come to realize how narrow-minded they have become.

Veritas - I usually agree with your answers whole-heartedly. But...not every woman wants to "embrace motherhood" nor *should* every woman want to embrace motherhood or feels tremendous guilt because she doesn't want to procreate. We're all different and there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to "live life for yourself". I never wanted kids and was perfectly content with that decision (God, on the other hand, had other plans for me.) There is nothing wrong with wanting kids adn there is nothign wrong with not wanting kids. We're all different and that's what makes our society interesting!

Answer 6

tell them that having a baby at 35 years old increases your chances of complications such as miscarriage preterm birth down syndrom and other complications and for them to say thats when you shouldwait to have a baby is the same as saying that it's a good thing to have these complications. do not listen to them there jealous, probably lonely women who have nothing better to do then cause a pregnant woman stress. inform them also that them talking to you like this causes you stress which also causes stress on your unborn child. many blessings and congrats! -Ams

Answer 7

Maybe they've run into a lot of the snotty attitudes that are being posted on here by younger women who think procreation is the be-all and end-all of achievement? I'm pregnant with my first child at age 39. I am looking forward to having my daughter, but I thought it was important to prove myself as a human being first rather than a functioning womb. A lot of women who came before us stuck their necks out to make sure there was just as large a place in the intellectual, business, academic and scientific realms for women as men, and I, for one, respect and appreciate their achievements. Many women who are today in their 30s and 40s watched their mothers sacrifice all for motherhood and marriage, only to get dumped by their husbands for younger models, and now that generation of older mothers are struggling alone because they have no education and no skills outside of the home. The divorce rate in this country is 50%, ladies...even if you think it will never happen to you...many of us think that it's just not smart to bring children into the world if you wouldn't be capable of single-handledly raising them on a good professional salary. And achieving that takes time.

And no...most of us are not jealous of younger women who are forsaking careers for motherhood. We're alarmed that the strides made by the suffragettes and the feminists are being rapidly undone when we read posts on Yahoo Answers from teenage girls and women in their early 20s who just want to have babies.

Answer 8

it's really none of their business. This is your life and you can have kids whenever you want to. Nobody can tell you when is best to have kids or not. It's all up to you. Don't let them get to you. Your pregnant, just let whatever they say go in one ear and out the other. Don't even bother to say anything back to them. It'll just make them talk more crap. Try not to let it show that it bothers you either. Be strong!

Answer 9

Don't buy into it. Being bitchy back will only create disharmony around you. Best you can do is to be happy, and really enjoy and nuture yourself. Have you considered their snide remarks are more to do with what they are missing ? jealousy even ? Good energy feeds good energy. Don't feel like a victim, if you look good, and seem to be enjoying your pregnancy, they will soon tire of hassling you. My opinion? pregnant women radiate, and other women hate not being the 'beautiful one' :-)

Answer 10

Smile pleasantly at them and say nothing.
People react to you because a pregnant woman is a symbol. Your pregnancy, and what it symbolizes for them (their own choices and their feelings about them, their own unacknowledged wish for a child, their own feelings of guilt if they don't wish for a child, all the comments their mothers make to them about not getting any younger - you get the idea!) is threatening to them, and they are lashing out in fear and pain. Just go your own way, be compassionate, and let them deal with the issues your pregnancy triggers for them.