Advice from my LGBT friends on here?

Question

My partner and I are definitely expanding our family within the next few months. This we are very excited about!

We are caught between two possibilities. One is using a cryogenic lab close to us, using an ICI donor (which is basically home insemination). It is way more affordable than we ever thought possible, but it could get costly if we don't get it right the first time. Basically we are looking at $350 per vial including the shipping, or we could drive 3 hours and pick it up.

The other possibility is I have a very good straight friend of mine who has agreed to be a donor (his wife is fine with it as well). He lives in Cali, we live in Vermont, so we told him we would pay his airfare, and he would stay at the house of course.

Basically, we don't which to choose. Both has pluses and minuses, my partner does not like the idea of me having sex with him, which would be more practical of course. Also one way we know the father, the other we don't. Suggestions?

You all are great. There are definite pluses to knowing the father (medically) and minuses, where there could be drama etc... One thing I told my partner last night is I want to feel like this is our baby not like I'm having his baby. And honestly they both could run about the same amount.

But I am really anxious to get this done, plus my biological clock is ticking away and it may stop anytime now LOL.

When I said run the same amount I meant the amount of money could run the same factoring in airfare would be about the same as a vial.

Answer 1

Congratulations! When I saw your question I think I even went "awww" at my desk... so I'm sure my co-workers think I'm even more nuts now... whatever... Regardless, I see what you mean about cost versus the unknown. Would it be possible to do more of your friend donates sperm and then you have them inseminated into you? I mean I've heard (mind you I don't know how true) of lesbians who do the turkey baster type method. However you would know the father that way and that could be awesome for a child! If he's a close friend I would say go that option, as that will bring your two families closer together. Good luck with whichever way you decide to go and many many blessings to you! I'm very impressed with you and your decision to be a mother! Take care and hug your wife for me, then say congratulations! :)

Answer 2

First off..CONGRATULATIONS!! This is such a huge step for a couple and i know you and your wife will be so good at raising a family. Tired, but good :-)

Okay, so im going to rationalize each of my thoughts on this and hopefully one of them will make sense to u! lol. My personal advice would be to invest the money into the ICI donor. If you know that you are fertile and everything is healthy internally, the chances are fairly high that you'll be successful at least within the first 2 attempts, and i think it's well worth the money. Also, having your wife be an active part of the at home insemination process is one of the most beautiful experiences. My girl and I are looking into that as well and she's sooo happy to be able to take part in it all. I think it would be rewarding to you & your wife.

We have a few male frenz who are willing to donate, but the idea of knowing who the father is doesnt really sit well with either of us. We're afraid it might cause awkward situations later on life, u know? BUT if u are secure in the friendship with the man from Cali, and you believe him to be a good role model (that is if you want him to have a part in the child's life), AND you dont foresee any conflicts of interest in the future, than that would be my second choice to opt for.

Either way, good luck. Enjoy it, Dont over-stress. And keep ya girl posted!!!

Answer 3

I would go with the donor..bc of the work that they put into the sperm making sure that it is healthy..Plus it gives your wife a chance to be a part of the making of the child.With you using ur male friend it kinda of excludes her from you two of u doing this together. That baby will be made in the privacy of ur home with the ,very, two ppl that will forever be a part of his/her life...you and she will make this baby from the love you have...she will be a part and this and this will be something that the two of you will share and have that will last a life time....
...But if you choose the other way..... draw up legal paperwork on the do's and don't in which he and his wife are allowed ..friendship is friendship but business is business...If you chose this route i would contact Legal Aid in my county to draw up the contract.Legal Aid is an income based lawyer office that helps with small contracts,small cases where both parties agree and it will hold up in any court of law should he or his wife breach the said contract.or go to the library maybe search the web on the laws about having it done in this manor with your (male) friend..I am a studying Paralegal ..i wish i were able to draw some up contracts for the 2 of you but the laws change from state to state...bc i would hate to see things go south for your family(anything can go wrong will go wrong)...Congradulations to you both.I know the 2 of you will make the right desicion for your family
Angel4U and I wish you the best of Luck

Answer 4

I think it is a big plus to know the father so you can be aware of the medical background. However, I would agree with your partner that it may be uncomfortable for her (and the friend's wife) if you have sex with your friend, and it could change your friendship with him. Perhaps you could bring both he and his wife down, and all go see an attorney to find out the legal issues and go from there. Maybe if everyone would be more comfortable if he donates in a cup then your partner insert it, that way it is like she got you pregnant. Or, have both partners there and bring you both to climax, (it is also more likely to become pregnant when the woman cums as well), and as he cums, do so inside you. I hope this helps! Good luck on a new baby!

Answer 5

I would go with the ICI donor. You never know how your male friend or his wife would react once the child is born. Too much potential for drama there. I hate drama.
Reputable donor labs do extensive background checks on donors, so you would know some medical history, and other info.
I'd go with the anonymous donor, but that's only my opinion.

Answer 6

I say go with the friend.... Since you mentioned airfare, he do not have to know that the fertilization actually happened. See, if your friend appears to be a good donor, in the future, if something should happen to the child, at least you will know that there is someone out there that you can put your hands on to help out. It might be drama in the future but, 1st, have him sign a contract stating that in the event of her pregnancy, he agree to give up all parental rights. Therefore, if she get pregnant, you do not have to tell him. If something happens to the child, you know that he can be someone that can possibly help. This may sound selfish but, you must protect you and yours......Hope this helps. And best wishes to you and your lady..... I will keep you both in my prayers....Good Luck......

Answer 7

There are many pro's and con's to every decision.. The one thing that you cannot know yet, is how the guy would react later.. (or his wife for that matter). Once the baby is born will they change their minds and want to be part of it?.. There have been many cases in court over issues like these.. My guess would be to talk to an attorney prefereably with a doctor present to go over other possible alternatives..

Answer 8

I agree with your partner -- $350 for the Cryogenic lab, is a wise 'Investment'.

Maybe you straight friend is willing . . . to 'donate' only?
If so, you'd know the father then.

Answer 9

Well if you happen to dont wish to be his buddy anymore then do not be his buddy. Or if you happen to dont wish to quit speakme to him utterly, then simply variety of have him as a university buddy that you simply speak to however dont fairly hang around so much with. But if hes bothering you plenty then simply confront him and inform him that you simply dont fairly wish to be his buddy anymore.

Answer 10

i'd go w/ sperm donor. its less expensive(considering airfare,and food and all that s*** 4 the dude) and it makes your partner happy. so yeah thats my advice, for whatever its worth