he served me with divorce papers? We have been separated for 5 months - he walked out - and treated me like crap. I tried very hard to save the marriage but he does not want it.
He went to the lawyer to get advice - but when I went to see my lawyer he flew off the handle. He opened up to his friends about separation, but when I did he was very angry again.
And now I am hurt after getting served, so my tone of voice with him is of anger and disgust. He insists that I be friendly with him. WHY DOES THAT MATTER TO HIM?????
We'll be divorced in a few months anyway! Is there something I am not seeing?
2007-06-01 03:40:01 · 8 answers · asked by Centered 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We do not have any kids. So there won't be anything connecting us after divorce is final
2007-06-01 03:46:42 · update #1
Theres no real way to feel...You have to take it one day at a time...You don't have to please him into making him feel like everything is okay....Just continue to put yourself and your needs first and don't worry about how he feels....This is something he wanted so I don't understand what's his problem....Your main focus should be moving forward from this difficult time.....I wish you the best of luck***
2007-06-01 03:58:14 · answer #1 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is zero need to be "friendly" with him, but make sure that you are not letting your anger and hurt make you into an ugly person. Deal with him only on a professional level, do not talk about anything like memories and such, just keep it related to the divorce. If he gets mad, hang up or walk away after you very politely and calmly say "I do not have to put up with this any longer, good-bye". Do not get into any arguements with him about anything, if he does not agree with something in the divorce, ask one more time and if he still does not, just calmly say, "okay, I guess the lawyers and judge can work that one out." and move on. He wants to control the process, that is why he got mad, he wants to have you act the way he wants and that is why he is trying to insist you act friendly. Do not deal with him on any kind of a personal level that is not directly related to the divorce, that is very, very important. If he gets you thinking emotionally, he will gain the upper hand. Remember, guys do not usually operate with emotion, but rather logic and women tend to be much more emotional. You have to fight that urge and just become calm, cool and focused. Talk to who you want, he is only worried that you may make him look bad to people and that is why he got so upset about it when you did. Do not give him that kind of control. He left you, he made his choice, do not let him tell you who you can talk to about what, do not let him try to bully you. It is hard, I wish you luck.
2007-06-01 11:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's got quite a few problems and that this divorce will probably be a blessing for you. I suspect that your attitude matters to him because he's probably feeling guilty about his behaviour and needs you to say it's Ok. I don't think however that you do have to do this, it's his choice so let him live with it himself.
That said though, it is always better to remain calm, diplomatic and friendly even when you prefer to commit murder. If the divorce were to become bitter that would cost you both dearly not only in emotion but also in cash. I've known friends who have gone through acrimonious divorces and it was horrible.
You're got good reason to be angry and unhappy but put that aside for now. Once the divorce is final you're welcome to tell him off if it will make you feel better but only once and then just put him out of your life. There is no value to sinking to his level, he needs a telescope to look up to you, take solice in that certainty.
2007-06-01 11:58:32 · answer #3 · answered by Shutterbug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont take this the wrong way. If you are friendly with him he might have it in his head that if your nice he can have you anytime he wants you. could be a control thing too, because he does sound like a control freak over what you do. Whats good for the goose....
2007-06-01 14:28:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I try to be friendly with mine. I divorced her. The only reason is my son.
2007-06-01 10:44:21 · answer #5 · answered by dirbe22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To avoid hard feelings and not to behave like a enemy on getting separated..
2007-06-05 07:59:28 · answer #6 · answered by m_cyberfriend 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are friendly, he can tell himself that it is OK with you and he can feel less guilty. Tell him to shove it. You can only be friends with people you can trust.
2007-06-01 10:47:01 · answer #7 · answered by tiaburkeangry 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is just trying to make him self feel better. He left you and wants you to tell him its OK. Go on with your life and forget this loser.
2007-06-01 10:49:37 · answer #8 · answered by mnwomen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋