Second marriage?

Question

what's a gal to do when future husbands child goes into needy, meltdown mode 4 weeks before the wedding? I can see the manipulation but he cannot.

Answer 1

If you love him enough to marry him you are going to have to deal with this child for the rest of your life. So start now. Talk to the kid tell him/her that she/ he is not loosing a dad but gaining a new step mom. Someone that they can come to. Talk to your B/F and tell him that it is something he will have to deal with also. Good Luck

Answer 2

It's probably not manipulation. Divorce and remarriage affects every child differently. If the divorce was a bitter one (fighting adults and using their kids), then this remarriage is just going to bring up all the manipulative skills the child has learned from manipulative parents. On the other hand, if it was amicable divorce, then this meltdown is from fear. Fear of you, of losing dad, of someone replacing mom etc. The father needs to sit down and have a gentle talk with his child and then call you into the room and all three of you can talk too.

Answer 3

You better watch out. You need to do everything possible to let that child know they will still have their daddy after you are a part of the picture. That's all they need to know. This wont be the first child to break up a relationship. Have you not heard of this before? If not you better do some growing up before this marriage. That child was there before you and may very well be there after you are gone. You call a child's actions manipulation. You need a mirror.

Answer 4

Get ready for lots of passive sabotages from this kid. I could care less what others think about the emotional. Until this brat can learn to respect you which will take time and patience on your part, you are going to have to accept the fact that this kid resents you being with her parent while the other is out there buried/dead/misguided with new lover/(add whatever happened to the other parent here). Patience is key and you will have to let Dad/Mom of little drama queen to steal your significant other for a while. Be aware of her, be a friend, but DO NOT BE A JERK AND DO NOT TELL THE PARENT OF THIS KID THAT SHE IS A LITTLE BRAT! You will lose respect and the parent will run to the child to comfort them thus why so many kids can manipulate their parents against the "EVIL" stepparent. It will take patience, a loss of privacy and free expression, but once people see her being a biatch to you and you come out smelling like roses, she'll cave and then you can start a parental relationship.

Answer 5

How old is this child? Maybe you can try to spend some time with him/her one on one in a special way... or perhaps the three of you need to take a few days together... Is the mom still in the picture and on friendly terms? Maybe mom and step-mom to be need to present a united front to the child in supporting this marriage.

Instead of considering it manipulation, think of what this kid is going through... and get it out in the open and talk about it.

Don't say "I know how you feel" though, because you can't possibly unless you went through it as a child. Opt instead for "I can only imagine how confusing this is and you're probably wondering what changes will happen... Let's talk about it so we can be happy together."

Answer 6

Every child that is part of family, goes into these stages. Some get impacted differently than others, but its usually similar. Its obviously harder for kids to move on than adults. So needy or not, you have to at least act supportive to that child and your future husband. If you complain, he might get second thoughts about you being the stepmother of that child. No man wants a cruel woman watching over their child. I'm not saying you are cruel, but who knows. Manipulation or not, its hard for a child to adjust to these types of changes. I watched my little brother become extremely aggressive after my parents split out of anger. They don't understand. But on the other hand, if the child's mother is coaching the child, then maybe you need to confront her but on a friendly level and let her know, whether she likes it or not, when their child is at your house, its you whose really watching over him. And this behavior is unacceptable.

Answer 7

Good luck with this one. You can add a few comonsence words in as the child is acting this way and if your future hubby has any common sence he will see. Or you can keep your mouth shut and hope for the best but just so you know just because you are getting married does not mean this will change after so are you sure this is the life you want cause it only gets worse. Good luck.

Answer 8

How old is this child?

You & your husband should figure out what's bothering her & try to help her through it. Act as a united parenting front - compassionate, caring, but instructive & guiding.

Kids meltdown & manipulate because they are scared, don't know how to communicate their feelings, feel out of control, etc. As parents it's your job to teach them how to deal with all of these feelings & issues in a mature, responsible, polite way.

Answer 9

Well, be supportive of your Husband and allow the child to get used to the idea that dad is getting married again. There is always the hope in the kids that mom and dad will get back together, but if you marry dad, that hope is gone. Be patient.

Answer 10

Make the best of the situation. He may or may not see it but he definitely doesn't want to if he does. Get ready and good luck. Children from former relationships are often the reason why subsequent relationships are more challenging at best and break up at worst.