YOU BROKE MY HEART
When I first laid my eyes on you
I thought this was real love.
And when I saw something new,
My dreams flew like a dove.
And to think, I always loved you.
But I guess I was wrong.
You said to always wait for you,
But I have waited way too long.
This love was a mess since we were younger,
Because you weren't the one,
And I couldn't wait any longer.
I asked you out one day,
But you turned me down.
For believing in you
I thought myself a clown.
Now, my love for you is gone forever;
I'm not gonna take anymore chances with you.
You think you're so clever?
Well, you don't have a clue.
You took my heart,
Played with it ,
And broke it in two.
You broke my heart,
You broke it apart.
am only 12...
wut do u think??
2007-06-01 03:00:21 · 14 answers · asked by Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Lisamaria. 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
it was fixed by someone, but the rest i did it :)
2007-06-01 03:08:07 · update #1
if i could change the title, what would it be?
2007-06-01 03:37:36 · update #2
You have the sense for rhyme and meter. The more you write the better you will become at rhyme, meter, and internal rhyme, as well. So I encourage you to continue to write about your experiences.
Instead of giving us a blow by blow about exactly what happened, it would be more poetic if you used words that introduce us to images, for example, the word "like" could introduce us to a comparison you make, or a visual image that tells the story better than the actual words you used.
"As" is another word that helps into the transition to tell us less factual detail blow by blow and give us more images that communicate what happened and the feelings that accompany what happened, from your point of view.
Keep writing darlin'.
2007-06-01 03:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by margot 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
12 needs to write of younger subjects. Life is a journey, love changes as we age. Don't take on a subject that requires your voice to pronounce "am only" on anything, this will weaken your poetic voice. You are who you are now, don't write about anyone else. Good poetry captures the moment now. Find a way into the event that shows what happened without telling it word for word. I like your imagery in the beginning of the poem, you need to stick to pictures and not story tell too much.
2007-06-01 03:24:30 · answer #2 · answered by osisdorsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sad that you have a broken heart at only 12. You have written a very nice poem for a person of any age. Keep up the good work. And, don't worry, broken hearts heal. There are more fish in the sea!
2007-06-01 03:23:28 · answer #3 · answered by Beach Saint 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wright my own songs for my band so i know alot about poems. but that seems more of a free lancer poem. and i am really not into that. if you started your own band you could easly be a song wrighter. your poem lacs origanality sorry to say it.
2007-06-06 13:29:12 · answer #4 · answered by Hilry-Lilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds fantastic! Go to www.helium.com They pay you every three months to write. And will publish it for everybody to see online and rate it.
2007-06-08 12:37:31 · answer #5 · answered by Lucy44 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just may make a great writer or poet one of these days . with work like this it could happen, keep it up.
2007-06-08 17:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by thumper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds like a player, sorry about your broken heart...brought tears to my eyes, very good poem...
2007-06-07 01:08:06 · answer #7 · answered by Mee~mOe~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice. but a little too general. arent all love poems like this???
2007-06-06 17:21:33 · answer #8 · answered by riaz4918 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a pretty cool poem.Good on you and keep writing
2007-06-01 03:04:45 · answer #9 · answered by jamiesonkelli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your a poet and dont know it
2007-06-01 03:05:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋