i popped round to see how the kids were doing and caught her totally naked with a naked black guy in my front room about to do you know what on my sofa i asked him to leave and demanded to know where the kids were (she'd left the front door unlocked) ....the experience was very distressing and still haunts me to this day i don't think i can get over this even though we are now back together after much calamity. How can i move on, i started going to the gym soon after this to vent my fury and anger and work it out of me in a positive way but its like i resent her every time it comes across
my mind and i do love her so much. i feel torn in two...help
2007-06-01 02:45:41 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think by you going over there by not calling first you had a idea that she was up to something. You were seperated so people think that is a way to have sex with someone else but no its a time to find out what went wrong and to see what you can do to fix it. If you hold a seperation for a long time this will happen that why God said you should not be seperated for a long lenght of time else something like this will happen truthfully you need to focus on you. Stress and anger will make you very ill its probably already has started to happen in your weight and your mental state. Start to forgive her for you it is a process but with time and God you can change this situation if you really want to stay with her. Pray and stay very busy so your thought will not stay focused on something that could kill you mentally, spiritually physcially. Be blessed not stressed You don't appreciate anything good until you think you have lost it. Think about how you can change you into a better person
2007-06-01 03:11:44 · answer #1 · answered by tellthetruth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very interesting dilima. Really the only thing in my opioion that she did wrong was to have sex in the living room with the front door unlock and you did not know where the kids were. The children should be protected at all cost.They could have ran in the house at the wrong time. You say that you split up. So I am assumeing that you two were still married. mistake 2. How are the children handling all this? This has to be the sole question on your mind. If you are to stay with this women, then it has to be for the children. But are you really thinking all this though. It doesn't sound like she is really into this relationship. Going to the gym is fine but it does'nt help your feelings from being hurt. Don't set yourself up for a huge fall. and what ever you do, take care of your children.
2007-06-01 02:57:35 · answer #2 · answered by Nee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over this somehow. You were split up and she had a right to do what she wanted as did you. It was not your front room at the time as you didn't live there. Also, you had no right to ask anyone to leave. I do understand that it hurt though. But if you two decided to get back together then it was a kind of agreement that the past was to be left behind. You cannot hold this against her in anyway or you will end up splitting again. i think you both need counselling.
2007-06-01 02:51:08 · answer #3 · answered by heartshapedglasses 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused.
If you 'split up', then you (and she) should be able to do whatever you want - with whoever you want. If you split up, then 'popping in' would be a dangerous practice - you're living your own lives and should have given each other the 'living your own lives' type of privacy. That would include going to the other's house, demanding people leave, etc.
You're back together now What?? If you have issues with the life she lived while you two were apart, then you shouldn't be back together. You need to be together for all the right reasons and enjoy it. Otherwise... why did you get back together. Sorry, bub...
2007-06-01 03:08:15 · answer #4 · answered by Jeremy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the color of the guy with her is in any way germaine; simply put she was getting ready to hide the pickle. You indicate you are back together now; this indicates that you both must have done some serious thinking. If you are perfect and can walk on water then go live on a mountain top and start preaching to the world. Otherwise, continue thinking and discuss matters with her. Life goes on, and on, and on.........
Put the shoe on the other foot; what would she have thought if she had walked in on you about to play hide the pickle with an albino swedish female? Life goes on; we all make mistakes or do stupid things from time to time. God loves stupid people; just look how many of us he made!!!
2007-06-01 02:53:32 · answer #5 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is that old cliche I'm afraid about time healing....
You are bound to have been effected by this! Who wouldn't but not all women are like that and you will discover that one day. I think you do need someone to talk to.
You need some nights out doing something you enjoy and can look forward to. Try not to think of it too much if you can, although I know that is not easy.
Some of the answers here are just ridiculous!! You sound like a good person who has had a shock and a rough time. Make that a chapter of your life and decide to start a new one now. One that you are going to really enjoy.....
Good luck.
2007-06-01 04:05:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do know how you feel though. A couple of years ago me and my boyfriend were going through a rough time and we'd split up because we both wanted different things. One night we were both out but we hadn't seen each other and we were texting. he was telling me how much he loved me and missed me. We decided to meet up so I went to the pub where he was only to find him stood by the door kissing some girl good bye before walking out to meet me! I was absolutely fuming and I can honestly say I hated him for it - even though technically he was doing nothing wrong because we weren't together. It was just so hurtful to see. He was very sorry for hurting me and would text me every day tot ell me he loved me even though I ignored him for weeks. It was a difficult time but eventually we worked things out. I realised that we'd had a bad time and we'd both done things we regretted. But the most important thing was that we came back together - we went out separate ways but it was always each other we wanted to be with and this helped me through. Its the same for you and your wife. its you she wants, its you she went back to and its you she's with now. Anyone else in unimportant.
2007-06-01 03:49:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you faithful during the split?
You need to join a church, find the Lord, and learn how to forgive.
As long as nothing is still going on outside the marriage then you both need to forgive each other, and move on.
Cherish the good times. Forgiveness is the first key to getting on with your life.
2007-06-01 02:57:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All she wanted was fresh booty. Look at what she settled for. A one night stand on the couch. Do keep working out. That will not only help you feel better but also make you look better. That hot booty is waiting for you also. Let her read the reaction of this question. it will make or break the relationship. Remember you were moving on with your life. You can do it again.
2007-06-01 02:52:32 · answer #9 · answered by New Nana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To forgive is to forget
and to forget is divine.
You were split up so no matter what she was doing was her business (as long as the child or children were not around). If she is back with you and you want to be with her you need to focus on that relationship instead of who she was with, no matter if he was black or white. Talk about it to her and let her know your having trouble getting past it, if you to love one another you can get thru it. Good luck.
2007-06-01 03:46:45 · answer #10 · answered by cutiepie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋