im with my partner and he said he never wants to get married, but he wants a child with me,i dont understand why he wont get married but wants a baby with me both are life long committments but he wants 1 and not the other. but i would like both. what should i do?
2007-06-01 02:17:09 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i forgot to say he has been engaged be4 tho.
2007-06-01 02:18:48 · update #1
It's clearly unfair on your part if you will follow what he wants but you can't force him to marry you. If you can't be happy with him without marriage then talk it out so he will know what's on your mind & settle it or let go of each other. ☼
2007-06-01 02:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, it's not just about what HE wants. Although they both SHOULD be, neither a baby nor a marriage are life-long committments, especially for a man.
Let's say you do what he wants and have a baby without the marriage. What's to stop him from just walking away in a year when it gets difficult? At least if you have the committment of a marriage you'll know he's planning to stay, and you have some LEGAL protection if he decides to leave.
The fact that he wants to make a baby with you but not commit to staying would make me VERY nervous! You have to think of yourself (and possible child) first and take care of YOU!!
2007-06-01 02:24:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is very important, expesially if you are going to have a child. You are right both are life long committments but he has been engaged before. So obviously something had gone wrong, you should tell him how much you love him and that you won't hurt him. Tell him your wants, and if you are truely having second thoughts about a baby because you won't be married maybe this isn't meant to be.
2007-06-01 02:21:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This to me sends warning flags all over the place. What is going to keep him home, or even with you once you get pregnant or have the child? That future child will deserve the love of a true family. Ask any elderly person and they will tell you that he should marry you. You don't grow old being a fool. If he's not willing to commit, then maybe you should find someone else. Think about this carefully. The decisions you make now could very well affect the rest of your life. Best of luck to you.
2007-06-01 02:33:32 · answer #4 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, marriage is a legal and publicly acknowledged commitment--it is an expession of love--so is an 'engagement.' A relationship can exist without a legal tenent, but it cannot be based totally on the lack of trust. He is lacking this. He will possibly use this fact, when crap hits the fan, to bail. If he can't even commit to you in some kind of fashion...be it verbally, with a ring, a necklace, a home...then what kind of commitment is he really going to give to his child? Your child? To be as responsible parents, there for the child?
Sorry, but I wouldn't recommend having a child with this person. He wont even commit to you on a personal level. Thats not a good thing.
2007-06-01 02:26:03 · answer #5 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT have a child with this man if he refuses to marry you!! Do not do not DO NOT. I was in the same situation years ago. My boyfriend at the time insisted that he wanted a child with me but didn't want to get married. So like a dumbass, I went along with what he wanted. Well, he left me high and dry...before the baby was even born. And to this day he has nothing to do with my son. He has seen him only a few times, and refuses to pay child support. When I went to court to try to make him pay support, he moved to another state and now they cannot enforce the child support order.
Nice, huh?
He doesn't want to marry you because he knows he can back out anytime he wants once that baby is born and nobody can do anything about it.
You'd be stupid to allow this to happen.
2007-06-01 02:25:07 · answer #6 · answered by Masha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
say fine. I'll have a kid with ya but when you become old and decrepid and you are of no use anymore, since you think I'm not worth marrying I'll see your worth and leaving you in some boarding home! LOL
Some peeps have bad memories of people being married like their parents, some as just scared. some just want to own you through having a kid with you. could be a number or none of these reasons...
My opinion, start playing Georgia Satellites "Keep your hands to yourself" tune and act like it. If he ditches, he just wanted a trophy girl with kid.
2007-06-01 02:23:27 · answer #7 · answered by avengress 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are prepared for a lifetime of raised eyebrows from your daycare, pre-school, school, pta, sports, parents, etc, etc. when they find out you are "living in sin" with kids.
My neighbors have 2 kids now and are not married, while I could care less I know a lot of people look down on it. But always remember it's your life!
2007-06-01 03:54:37 · answer #8 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not married, there will be several drawbacks, none of which involve having a baby.
First, if he has a job with insurance benefits, you will not be able to partake of them. The child will however. Also, if he gets a pension or profit sharing from his job, you get none of it. Finally, if he is ill and in need of medical attention, you get no say in the matter as you are not related to him in any way.
Personally, I would say "No marriage, no Baby and goodbye." But the choice is entirely yours.
2007-06-01 02:20:24 · answer #9 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you want the commitment of marriage, don't settle for what he is offering you. If you are already living with him, why would he want to marry you?
Please don't bring an innocent child into this unsettled relationship.
It doesn't matter at all that he was engaged before. When I was younger, we called it "going steady".
To answer your question. Marriage matters. The people who tell you it doesn't matter are single.
2007-06-01 02:19:53 · answer #10 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋