I'm a stay at home mom and getting no respect from my husband.?

Question

My husband seems to think that since I stay at home, my life is easy. And because of this he won't help me around the house. Including helping me with our 13 month old son. I'm the one who gets up with him at night, feeds him, baths him, plays with him, consoles him. I have tried talking to him about this and he thinks that I'm nagging.
I just want a little help. Like maybe getting up with our son Sunday morning and letting me sleep in. Am I wrong in this? Should I just drop the whole thing?

I have left our son with my husband for a day, and when I came home his mom was here watching our son. He said that she just popped by (which she does often) and when she saw I was gone wanted to stay.

Answer 1

NO, i don't think you are wrong for looking to him for help. I am not a mom, but i do have an at home business. so i too am home all day most of the time. My boyfriend's job is physically demanding most of the time, well anything is compared to mine i guess. But I do everything with no thanks, and no help. He can't even keep quiet on the weekends when I might want to sleep an hour later than him. He is rarely home on his days off, and when he is, he is in his chair on his computer all day. I guess you could say i am having a lot of the same frustrations you are having right now. Even some appreciation would help. Your son is only getting to know you as his parent and not his father. Your husband will soon discover that he has no relationship with his son, and he will be bothered(I would think). I don't know what your husband's job is, but that doesn't excuse him from being a father. I have tried talking to my boyfriend, and this is a dead end street, we argue, and nothing gets resolved, he won't change. I have a feeling this is hopeless with any man. You are not nagging, you are trying to communicate. I dont' think i am being a whole lot of help, other than letting you know that you are not the only woman searching for a way to get her point across. Maybe try taking a day for yourself, not giving him a choice other than to be a responsible dad for the day. See how he does, he might actually see how hard your days really are. Maybe ask him to bathe the baby while you fix supper. If he doesn't, then, I let him eat alone, while i take care of bathing the baby. (I babysit for friends). Try asking for little favors, at random. Maybe ask him to grill dinner and you take care of the baby. He doesn't sound like he is a confident dad. So if you handle the baby stuff and ask him to help with other things, maybe he will be better at helping. Your son is getting to the walking stage, how is your husband reacting to missing the 1sts? first step.

Hang in there, i know it is frustrating. I feel your pain.

Answer 2

You need to invite your mother in law on a nice 3 day weekend :)
That way he can see what life is like when you're not around. If you take her, she can't go over and rescue him. He will be left to do all of the things you do and at the end of the three days he'll be worshiping the ground you walk on. My husband just read this and said "That guy doesn't know how good he's got it!" There was a point in our marriage where my husband didn't know either. A nice long weekend away had him begging me to never go away again! It made him realize that what I do isn't "easy" at all. I'm a SAHM of 4 kids and this is the hardest I've ever worked. Office jobs of days gone by were a total cake walk. That being said, I have a great life and wouldn't trade it for the world. Your husband just needs a little reality check! Good luck :)

Answer 3

Well, we teach people how to treat us. Surely you knew your husband's character, and how he would deal with things. Hopefully the choice of you being a SAHM was made by both of you! That's how it was in our situation, I had a great career, two degrees, and really hadn't thought about staying home long. However, once that first child came, I knew it was what I wanted to do, and my husband totally encouraged it, and has been supportive. Totally.
However, once one is a MOM, that's your world. No time for selfishness or second-guessing - it's a lifelong "job", albeit a wonderful one with benefits that can't be quantified.
You are showing your resentment toward your husband, and that isn't good for your relationship. You need to approach things with a more positive attitude, and that will carry over to you being a better wife and a much better mom. Happiness is what you make it; you can't change someone else, you can only change yourself!
Yes, as moms we are all tired and, sometimes we get cranky. But don't alienate the ONE person you married, whom you should always be able to count on being supportive. Nagging never gets a wife anywhere...
Good luck to you.... and just learn to ENJOY your child and husband.

Answer 4

Sweetie don't you dare drop the whole thing, don't show your husband that your a quieter. I do understand how hard it is to become a stay at home mom,been there, done that, and still am. Now your husband is being so selfish that he thought if a wife stay home, you will be relaxing, and just eat bon-bon. Wrong, why don't you ask him to stay home for 2 days and let him do what your been doing since your baby was born. Let him do all those job that us wives do esp. when we have a new born baby.
Or just ask him to do it all on a week end without you interrupting the day. If he do this he will realize that it's better to be working and earn some money doing it, rather than taking care of the baby, wash clothes, cook, clean house, buy groceries and so on. If he loves you, he will respect your wish even for a day or two,.......good luck!

Answer 5

No, you are not wrong, your husband should help you. Many years ago, when my son was very young, my husband jokingly said that all I did all day was sit around and read. The following night when he came home from work, NOTHING in the house had been done, and there was no supper cooked. He looked around at the mess and asked what I had done all day. I told him that apart from breastfeeding my son, had just sat around and read all day. He was forced to go and cook for himself, or get takeaway ( which neither of us enjoy) and make the bed before going to sleep! I had 3 more children after that, and believe me, you could NOT find a more helpful husband and father than my husband became after that day! Men seem to think that there is a little "cleaning fairy" that comes around every day, or a simple magic button that we have hidden somewhere that will clean up and do all the work!

Answer 6

Understandable. Some are still in the cave regarding the two way street. How to pay him back. Get a degree, to land a higher paying job than him. Make HIM stay home with the kid, come home and help him with the chores and NEVER tell him how you hated if when he wouldn't, BUT you cannot come home and gripe or complain... make it so like you can do everything with a smile on your face and life is great! You will condition respect into him without even knowing it. Then when Junior is able to be on his/her own and home alone, tell him to go back to work. Then you both can moan together and be on the same page.
LOL O.K. for the present...
Fact: Woman can and do more and endure more than men.
Men can whine about this but they know they cant handle what a woman can. So they whine to feel better.
Regarding the sleep in for Sunday morning. By all means, fight for that. And when you get up and he's all crabby over watching Junior, ask him, "So, want to do that 40 hours a week?" And when he groans, spitefully, angrily tell him "I DO THAT ALL FREAKING DAY!" "A little break and respect for what "I" do would be appreciated as well!"
Then fight, get him pissed and when he comes back (after his immature leaving and squealing of wheels... the mumma's boy LOL) talk to him and talk about a compromise... ask him what he would like to see and tell him what you'd like to have.
If he's a jerk or wont compromise... sorry, just empty the account every week until he caves....
Honestly, don't give up on it. Don't make him win by stubborn/laziness, you'll just be more depressed over it than you are now. Compromise is key.

P.S. I disagree about a few posts saying its too late. I bet if you died tomorrow, he'd quick;y be a juggling Mr. Mom in less than a week! Seen it in the worst of men, he's just stubborn and hanging on to the Man's castle illusion. Make him do what women are forced to do.

Answer 7

Why would you think your husband would know how to handle a 13 month old son? Until that kid can pitch a baseball your husband is not going to be comfortable taking care of him. You should have thrown that kid into his arms the minute he was born and made him care for him from the beginning. Too late now. In the meantime when you child goes down for a nap or to bed for the night, get yourself into bed to and get some zzzz's. If you can't handle the housework and the child (and some woman can not) then hire a housekeeper to come in every other week.

Answer 8

No you are completely right!!! I am in the same position that you are in, or at least I was. My husband and I have an arrangement, Saturdays are his day to sleep in and Sundays are my day. On the weekends when my husband is home, he helps a lot with our son, but during the week, I do the majority of everything. My husband didn't really help me out around the house, so we hired a housekeeper and that helped with a lot of my frustration. You have every right to feel this way, you work twice as hard as someone who works outside of the house. Keep talking to him about it and explain to him, that you don't want him to miss out on spending time with your son, and that when he looks back later he isn't going to be able to get this time back.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

Absolutely not, you maybe a stay home mom, buy mom also needs a break. Dad should be helping out with your son after all he made him to. I advise you to sit down and seriously start talking to your husband in pitching in. If dad feels your being a nag and refuses to help, then its time to turn the wheel around, stop the house cleaning, cooking, laundry and yes the sex. When he starts asking whats wrong tell him you time is full taking care of your son which is priority and if he decides he wants things back to normal then tell him its time to pitch in.

Answer 10

You probably should have had a good long talk about this before you got pregnant, but a chat is still the way to go. Tell him exactly what you want in simple terms with no ambiguity. Don't make "or else" threats - just tell him what you want. If that doesn't work, then you have to decide is it easier to nag him into getting stuff done - even though you both hate it, or is it easier to do it all yourself and resent his lack of involvement.

Alternatively, you might try the carrot before the stick if he won't do what you want. (Still talk first...) But you might try to find incentives that will encourage him to help out.