I've made a real mess of ending my relationship?

Question

I'd been with my boyfriend for 2 years but we had alot of problems - he was irresponsible with money and drank too much and we argued alot. I moved to my mum's and let him stay in my house until he found somewhere else to live. I know it was stupid but we carried on texting each other, I did really miss him but cant decide whether we should give it another go or not. I had to come back and stay at the house for a couple of nights to sort my stuff out (as my mum's is 250 miles away) and we both ended up crying and said we'd try again, now we've started rowing again. I feel like I cant live with him and I cant live without him

I've decided to go back to my mum's and not stay in touch for a couple of months then see how we both feel, but I know I will be desperate to ring or text him. Its so complicated and I'm devastated and so is he. Any advice would be much appreciated

Answer 1

It's normal to feel the way you feel when you care so much for someone. At times you might feel you can help him change by sticking with him and give him another chance. Also at times you might feel that he's taking all your effort for granted. Do you know what this is called? A vicious cycle. What you have in mind to do is the best thing. Give him a couple of months "without any communication", to see how he reacts. Time can only tell you if this guy really cares enough for you to change his ways. And time can also help you be a stronger woman with a better head on your shoulders, when time is up, you'll have a clear mind and a good picture of what you want at that point of your life.

Answer 2

You are probably doing the wisest thing by moving away and not communicating for a few months. This time apart will give you both time to think things through, and to decide what you can do to make the relationship better for the other person. You say you feel as if you can't live without him, but if you are going to constantly row, you are very soon going to find that you cannot live WITH him. Both of you need to decide how you can resolve your differences without resorting to rows. Only then will you be able to live happily together. If he is as devastated as you over this situation, then he too will be willing to work from his side to make it better. Before you start the period of no communication, have a talk with him, and explain what you both need to do during this time, and make a date to meet up later, and see how things go from there. Be strong, and good luck.

Answer 3

1. Both of you need to learn how to "fight fair." Look it up on the internet, go to the library and get a book on it, or see a marriage counselor;
2. Both of you need to grow up and acquire some responsibility and know the meaning of responsibility;
3. Relationships are not just living in the same residence, sleeping in the same bed and having sex. You can put a male and a female of almost any animal together, and that will happen.
4. In a serious relationship and/or marriage each person has to be willing to give at least 110 percent;
5. Learn how to communicate and learn the meaning of compromise;
6. Stop trying to change each other. YOu are what you are and he is what he is. People generally don't change because another person wants them to be/do someone/something else;
7. Get your education and/or excellent skills before running off to live with someone to the point where you can be self supporting and self sufficient. Then you will have more choices in life and relationships;
8. Stop trying to blame and/or find fault with the other person. Clean up your own act first. There's no way you couldn't know he had these "habits" before you moved in with him -- if you didn't, you jumped in too quickly. Proceed with cauthion in future relationships. Get to know the person before playing house!
9. Ever hear the old saying, "Why buy the cow if you're getting your milk free?" Think about it!
10. Get busy and get a life of your own. You have to be able to love yourself and be satisfied with yourself before you find/give true love.

Answer 4

sounds like you need time apart, but i do understand it is hard to not contact him since you miss him. The bad part is if he's not good with money and he is irresponsible that isn't going to change, and the same problems will be there when you get back home. I think you moving in with your mum is a good thing that way you have choices. Living with him you may not have them as much. Good luck, sorry I'm not so much help.

Answer 5

If you cant even spend a couple of days without arguing it it time to move on. You two arent trying you will just be going through the motions. Give yourself a chance at real love and dont move in with a guy until you are married. Then you can focus on the marriage not this behavior that occurs before marriage. Only 15% of those that cohabitate before marriage have successful marriages according to the statistics and if you live together two years you are less likely to even marry.

Answer 6

I am so in the situation your in! we have ALOT of problems! but yet we keep coming back to eachother and say we'll work on it but we never do! we recently got engaged and guess who ran off with my ring this morning?! getting sick of the games so im just going to tell him how it is and we'll do it again but I'm not going to call or text him. Leave everything up to him and if you see that hes trying after so long then its worth it. If it continues to go on let him go and try to go out with your friends and keep him off your mind. You may not be In love with him,maybe your just attatched and used to him..If you are in love with him then theres a way that it will work out. either now or later. wish you the best!

Answer 7

If you both want to work it out then you need to sit down and decide what sacrifices will be made...like set days and limits of when he can drink. Figure out what to do to better handle the money, etc. If he loves you like you think, he will make the changes, and if he doesn't......let go.

Good luck

Answer 8

There are plenty of people who lie online A friend of mine in London spent a full year talking or IMing a woman in LA he met online. He only saw the pictures she posted in her profile. After a year of talking every day, he decided to go to LA for 3 months to get to know her better, thinking he was in love with her and possibly wanted to propose to her. He ended up flying home after only 3 days because she lied to him about EVERYTHING -- her age, her weight, her kids, her occupation, her interests, everything. He went into a serious depression after this as he could not believe that someone he really thought he knew and loved and was considering marrying had lied to him about every aspect of her life.

Answer 9

He is irresponsible. Get a life, go out meet different people, do things. Get him out of your mind and life. You have your future to think about. With or without someone in it. Sounds like he is using you. Big time. You will learn words are nice, Actions speak a lot better/louder.

Answer 10

"Live and learn", but it sounds like you haven't learned yet. Letting go, is sometimes hard to do, but you must let go of him, and your past. Learn from the mistakes you've made. He isn't going to change for you, so it's time for you to move forward with your life. Yes, it will be hard, but you can do it. Don't sell yourself short, wait for the right guy to come into your life.