are all men like this?

Question

My partner of 3 years who i am soon to marry drives me crazy at times. He cannot seem to communicate with me, he never remembers anything i have told him or shows an interest in my life.Example:i had made mistake at work was really worried about it couldnt sleep etc. next day get text from partner - hope you slept well (he knows i didnt!) and all jokes. no mention about my problem and if it had turned out ok. At times he seems superficial. have been referred to hospital - does he ever ask me about have i got appointment yet or how i am feeling - nope!. i could go on and on about it. I feel like all he wants is a house keeper, he does nothing in house, cant work washing machine and goes in a huff if i ask him to help!
I was depressed yesterday as it hit me that i will be spending my life with a man who takes no interest what so ever in my life or my problems.
Am i expecting too much from the opposite sex?
When i pointed out about the text all he could say was well i wont text you

Answer 1

I am male and whilst I love my partner dearly, men and women function on different levels. None of what my girlfriend tells me ever seems to sink in, I am constantly forgetting what she has told me, which obviously upsets her. However this does not mean I don't care about her or her life and infact I make a special effort to take note of things that I can see are important to her. It does not seem as though your guy does this, nor does he help around the house, this is not an entirely male trait. He is a lazy bum, sorry dude but it sounds like you are.
Further than this though have you told him in a calm and rational manner exactly how you feel and WHY it upsets you. Communication is key but men don't like to communicate in the way women do. Keep things simple and direct and try not to bring up past things like the text message you didn't appreciate. This will get his back up and then you will get nothing.

Answer 2

I think it's time to sit down with yourself and honestly re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself some questions.....When was the last time you Smiled/Had fun -with him*..Is he the man you really want to spend the rest of your life with..someone who is self centred...doesn't hear a word you say and if he does...he puts it out of his mind...?? You're not expecting too much from the opposite sex, it's called common courtesy* for your partner to share the ups and downs with you and to actually give you moral support when you need it...Like you said when you mentioned this to him, bout the text...he comes out and says WELL I WONT TEXT YOU THEN* wow-to turn it all around on YOU as if You did something wrong~!
Girl.......You seriously need to rethink about getting married to this fellow. He can't even take a look at a washing machine and gets in big huff- did you bother him when he was watching his tv shows and drinking a beer.......YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE IN LIFE>....and it's not too late to back out and tell him to hit the road cuz this isn't the life you chose for Yourself. You deserve BETTER*~ Best wishes~

Answer 3

If you are this upset about these things now - wait until you marry him. You will be fighting every day. Why do we get a gut feeling and then don't listen? Is it that important to be married? This man is NOT making you happy with the way that he treats you. I am sure you have spoken to him many times and I am sure that nothing has changed. You have to make the decision as to whether or not you want to marry someone that doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated. It is not going to get better - he must learn to respect how you feel and if he loves you he will have to compromise. What if he told you that something that you were doing was hurting or irritating him? You would try to correct the behaviour if you really cared about his feelings. Why can't he do that for you? I am not saying perfection but the effort would be really nice. People need to learn to treat others the way they want to be treated. They need to put themselves in the other person's shoes and see how they would feel.Trust your gut feelings - they are usually correct.

Answer 4

Wow, maybe all men are like that! Cause I feel exactly the same way with mine. We've been married for 9yrs. and he pays none or very little interest in the important things going on in my life! I understand you, you feel as if you're living in your own little world, alone, where he only comes in when he needs something from you. I think all guys are like that, to tell you the truth. I think men don't pay attention to details or important things like we do. Well, then again, I've only lived with mine, so I wouldn't know if there are any caring men out there. I guess you'll have to decide: he's not going to change, that's the way he is.

And you know what kicks me in the butt? He will tell me how sorry he feels about someone else going thru either same situation as me or even less dramatic!!!

Answer 5

I hate to break it to you but most men are like that. Maybe not as extreme as your boyfriend but alot of them do show the same tendancies. Men aren't the same as women - generally speaking, they don't think it neccessary to discuss problems in detail and they aren't very good at understanding emotions and how you feel about things. They don't always pay attention and they cannot multi-task so if you're telling him something, make sure he's listening and not watching the tv, driving or whatever. My boyfriend is the same. he forgets what I'm tell him a lot of the time and I can tell he's uncomfortable and not sure what to say when I have a problem. But I do know he's there for me and sometimes all I need from him is to know that and a simple hug. My girlfriends are there to have a real moan to whenever I need to.

Answer 6

Wow, no way am I like that. Nobodys perfect but im afraid he sounds very self centered.

If my gf was in hospital I would try to get out of work to see her, proably bring her something aswell to make her feel better.

Me and my gf have also been together for 3 yrs and are also thinking of marrage, but we realise that to be married is more about being there for each other and making your partner a responcibilty sometimes above yourself.

*EDIT*

I would say you deserve better, I won't tell you to leave like others have mentioned (as I don't think its my place to).
But you need to think "do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that?".
I think you do need to talk with him, (you could even show him this page and all the support / agreement your getting.)

He may not even know that he's being insensitive, or that he feels like he doesn't know how to console you.

I can only say this much more; If I was in your place I would tell my partner that they needed to change for good! Or the marriage just wouldn't work

Answer 7

My other half helps out around the house, he listens to me and if I had a hospital appt, he would be right there with me! He sounds lazy and I think you are right, he just wants a housekeeper! I think if you are having doubts then you should take a good long look at your life together, he is not going to change, he will always be this way. My other half is annoying at times but yet so am I! His good points outweigh the bad though. Do you really want this for yourself? Just cleaning up after him for the next 20-30 odd years??

Answer 8

No, they aren't. I have been with a lot of people like your partner- they are just too self-absorbed to pay attention to another person. A lot of men and women are like this, to be honest.

But there are so many people who aren't. My current boyfriend pays attention to every detail, he remembers things I tell him and he always shows an interest in my life, and helps me in every way he can. I couldn't have it any other way now. No one should.

You need to really think about whether you can marry this person- it may be something you can work on, or something he grows out of, but it may just be who he is, and how he feels about women. Or- as harsh as this sounds- he might just have grown indifferent to the relationship, and to you. But even if he does really, genuinely love you, it's no use if he won't do anything to show it. You deserve so much more than that.

Answer 9

I know men can sometimes get forgetful, and will normally only listen to a fraction of what we are saying, but this man is definitely seriously out of the norm! I hate to say this about someone I do not know, but it sounds like he is interested only in himself. I am not going to say do not marry hm, because that will have to be your decision, but please think very carefully, and decide whether you are going to be happy to put up with this behavior for the next 20 odd years! Although my husband, like most men, only hears a fraction of what I say, he does help in the house, and does care about what I have done during the day. If there is anything bothering me, I can discuss it with him, and he will try to help resolve it. So, I don't think that you are expecting too much from the opposite sex as a whole, but I do think you are expecting too much from this man, as he sounds very self centered and superficial. During your marriage there are going to be times when you need a shoulder to lean on, and it does not sound as if his is going to be available.

Answer 10

Oh dear when is the wedding cos you need to cancel. I am afraid I made the terrible mistake of staying with someone uncannily like your partner and went ahead with the wedding.(Still feeling as you do now) After 14 years we have 3 kids and I am trapped in a marriage with a husband who I resent .It is partly my fault because I should have trusted my instincts at the time .But luvvie its not going to work so do not waste your life with someone who doesn't or wont show you that your the center of there world. I am at the end of my tether and wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.