Should I confess to my husband?

Question

I've been with my husband for 7 years and since the birth of our first child things have been very stale, despite many chats about trying to spice things up. I'm feeling really guilty because I've kissed two guys on separate occasions and went further with one, although not all the way. This was about a year ago and I haven't been able to get the guilt out of my head. I just wanted to feel attractive again but now I totally regret it. I want to make my marriage work and don't know whether to confess to my husband in the hope that he'll forgive me and we can make a new start. I hate myself for what I did and there's no way I'd do it again.

Answer 1

DON'T confess. It may be a relief for you, to get it "off your chest", but it will hurt him, and destroy any trust between you.

Forget about your kiss, etc. Tell your husband that you want to spend time together, just the 2 of you. Get your mum or someone responsible, to babysit one evening and book a table at a nice restaurant. Get dressed-up, have a few drinks, then TALK together. Go home after a pleasant evening and cuddle up, make love.

Put the romance back into your marriage. Make time for each other. If you can't afford to go for meals, etc., then go for a walk, or sit in the park.

Answer 2

Seven years is a lot of time to married and you cannot spoil that. Before I answer let me remind you of Adam and Eve. They both sinned and were forgiven by God but the were still sent out of the garden. Though you may get forgiveness from your husband if you tell him, if he doesn't want to have anything to do with you then that's just the consequence for cheating.

On the other hand now does not seem like the right time to confess. Your marriage is stale and he can be pissed off by anything now. Take into consideration he may not be happy also.

Try to build that family bond and both of you need to find your first love when every thing is fine again then you can tell him in parts and make sure he knows that you are sorry, don't look fake about your confession, be genuinely sorry.

Answer 3

Forgive me for being judgemental, but you should have told him a LONG time ago. NO ONE deserves to be lied to or cheated on.

You need to come clean, and be ready to face the consequences. Some people can get past this, but lots of people just can't. Be ready to accept his decision. If you really care about him, respect what ever it is he decides and follow through with it.

Don't use an excuse like "you just wanted to feel attractive" -- lamest one in the book. Buy yourself a new dress -- get a new hair do -- get your nails done. There are a million ways to make yourself feel attractive. Cheating is not one of them.

If you think things are stale, then how do you think he feels?

Geez...sit down and talk to him. Be honest. Be ready for his honesty. If the two of you don't have AT LEAST the ability to talk honestly to each other, then you have nothing.

Start back at square one -- if he is willing to do this. If not, let him go. He deserves to be able to move on.

Good luck, and I hope you can learn from this.

Answer 4

dont listen to these abusive idiots with their throw away comments! You're not the cheating type, I can tell as you feel so guilty. Some men just dont think women's feelings are important, they're ok, you dont matter. If it was them trying to get their kicks with a hot girl, they'd make up any excuse under the sun about why it was your fault they had to do it!
Dont tell, forgive yourself, and talk with your husband about improvements. The real problem isnt just in the bedroom, its deeper than that, or you'd have sorted it by now, and Spice isnt always the way to go. What about love and cuddles? Feeling special and romantic instead of just tired parents? Get that back first then the bedroom bit will fall in. Get rid of your guilt by forgiving yourself, it may be holding you apart unconsiously. You're not that guilty anyway! most guys dont think its cheating if they carry on like that in pubs (if they're drunk, actual full sex doesnt even count....)

Answer 5

No, I would think that you need to let sleeping dogs lie. There is no reason to bring things up that will hurt him and jeopardize the relationship and the family unit. Your guilt is sufficient, and there is no point in kicking a dead horse.

Try and reignite the flames in your marriage. You obviously weren't getting attention, and you sought it else where--while this is understandable, it is WRONG. You need to find out why you are feeling the lack of attention and what YOU need to do with him to get the passion and romance back in your marriage. You will do it again if you don't address the problems in your marriage now. It isn't ALL up to him--you both play an equal part in the success of the marriage--HOWEVER you are the cheater, so it is YOUR responsibility to get things started, and you have a HUGE effort to make, to get the marriage going again!!! Forgive yourself, and move on.

**{ I would be telling you to tell him, had you gone "all the way" however, a kiss and a little groping isn't worth the pain of divorce.}

Answer 6

If you love him and want this to work take these secrets to your grave. There are something that like this that might make your guilt go away by admitting them, but you are going to hurt your husband, he is going to feel that you have been telling him lies, he will question everything for the entire 7 years. Just leave it well enough alone. You feel guilt because you know you were wrong in doing what you did. Now do something that will make your marriage better than ever. Dont drag him into your personal pity party. Good luck to you

Answer 7

Girl, confessing is a very tricky business.
First up, it NEVER fixes anything. Confessing will just breed a mis trust of your every move in your man, and that breaks down a relationship like in no time at all, so just get that confessing thing out of your head. If you need to confess, do so by kneeling by your bed and do so in prayer to God, who, by the way, is the only one able to truly forgive you. Humans are just not able to forgive and forget completely. Just let you man think you are as clean as a rose and things will come right if you go forward from here and work at your relationship

Answer 8

No do not tell him you cheated. If you need to talk to somebody talk to a friend you can trust (and not someone you might end up "kissing") or maybe even a counselor. Whatever you do don't tell him it will destroy your relationship. Probably your best bet to spice things up might even be to get couples counseling or see a sex therapist. Have a serious talk with your husband about how you feel about this whole thing not just a little chat. Something you could try to get his attention is go get a sexy little outfit and put it on and surprise him when he comes home one day. Try something like that. Just don't give up. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

You are glossing over the "went further with one" part. That could be really far.

Don't confess no matter what these other people say. It's not going to make you feel better, and it's not going to make him feel better. It's going to ruin everything. If you are really going to stop, that would be a big help to the marriage. If you want to do stuff like that again, you have to question your commitment to the marriage.

Do not confess.

Answer 10

So you went out and had some fun, you had your ego boosted and now you regret it. You have learned a very valuable lesson in life, but, if you tell or confess to your partner then think how it will make them feel, i can guarantee it will be a lot worse for them, they will carry the guilt of not being able to measure up to your expectations, do you really want them to be hurt because of your actions? you will not feel any better and it will only drive a wedge between you both, think!.............does he really need to know? both of you need to talk about keeping the flame going in your love/sex life, if he does not want to talk then you must initiate and persevere until it it obvious that he has no intention of contributing to the relationship, and by then you can, at least, say that you have tried!