how do i get my 16yr old son, out of bed,do some studying, and motivate him?

Question

kindness dont work..softly softly or threats dont work either..

am at the end of my tether!!

yes i know he is prob normal!!!! but hes soooo lazy!!!

fab ideas, lets just say, hes been down the boarding school route, and is now in a day school, at huge expense to me and his dad.. he seems happy to be in bed all day, and up all night..

NO he doesnt need OUR help.. he needs to realise that he is ruining what chances he has of succeeding...
we have helped, cajoled, coerced the last few years...
he is the one who needs to help himself!

sorry dont recall who said we need to help him, but.. dont you think we have!!

hes doing 6 gcse's... it aint exactly eating into his study leave either!!

Answer 1

Hi:
I loved some of the answers people gave! Great imaginations out there!

Answer. Nothing really.

Get on with your life! Hey, they ain't goin change...seriously. Ride with them, don't give attention to the negitive behaviour!!

Get on with your life, and ignore them. They will eventually come around, and it may be years, but that's life in some people's lives right now. Not forever! so why worry, and worry, and well, eat your life's energy out.

They got a bed. They got food. and well, they are going through some changes and leave them alone. Don't bride, don't pamper, don't, don't.

Ride the sweet wind of life, and LIVE your life. These are tough times, not like when we were much younger.

Luv Ava

Answer 2

Bribe him with something like chocolate or computer games.

Maybe prevent him from watching tv or playing with his friends and only reward him with these things when he behaves respectfully towards himself and others.

Have a heart to heart. Be careful not to seem over concerned or he may carry on like this for attention. Has he lost someone or something close or important to him recently in his life?

I think he may be a little depressed or if he has just got over an illness may be physically drained.

When I was 16 I was the same. My parents gave me such a tough time thinking I was lazy or something was wrong with me. I was physically shattered ALL the time and I had no excuse or reason for it. It's horrible being miss understood. I still have 10 GCSE grades A*-C, 4 A levels and a degree so fear not, I literally slept up to 20 hours a day.

I was eventually diagnosed with ME. If anyone EVER called me lazy again when I cant help but to fall asleep I would consider that disability discrimination.

He needs your help xxxxxxxx

Answer 3

I was in exactly the same position as you ,, what i did was to stop threating him and actually carry out the procedure of no tv .. no washing done ... no tea made .. no games .. turned of the leccy and went on strick... he was a bit determined and a bit angrey but i just let him get on with it ..sat there and did nothing for him... few days later, and it will take this so be patient and persistent he got on with it.. hes in a routine and doin what he should be ..now ive got another four kids and it was possible .. so no excuses mum.. be consistent .. calm .. determined and carry it through... IDLE THREATS DONT WORK ... be strong it will give you the better son at the end of the day for a very long time.. good luck.. xx
ps... offer him a reward of money if he does well in his exams whatever you can afford ...xx

Answer 4

Dear Tiny Lou,

At sixteen, you have the problem that your son THINKS he's a man, but is really still a little boy. The suggestion from James H about the vacuum cleaner is a good one. If there's a lot of noise, he won't be able to sleep in. Also, you might give him a deadline for getting a summer job. If he cannot pay for his gasoline, car payment and insurance, there will be no transportation for him. He will have to get rides with friends because you won't be taking him everywhere. That has certainly motivated my daughter. She did not want to spend her junior and senior years riding the bus and begging for rides with her friends. If the grades don't stay where they need to be, the keys are forfeited. Works very well here. :)

Good luck!!

Answer 5

Wait for the opportune moment when you have his complete attention and sit down and have a heart to heart discussion.

Before that moment you create an outline to cover every point you want to make. And in doing so you want to be able to make it Crystal Clear to him what your expectations are. Your points should allude to his future and you want to be able to direct him towards being a successful responsible young adult. Success is earned and not by staying in bed; but rather moving his hiney in the right direction. Give him choices, make him be accountable for his actions. Threatening doesn't work .....so you will need to word your expectations carefully; build and praise on his accomplishments. Hope this helps a bit. If not try reverse psychology.

Answer 6

well, i have 14 year old, i didn't even need to do anything, the example of a lazy loser was in front of his eyes - his father, my ex - over 40, no job, no wife, no gf, no money, nothing. and another example - my new husband - good job, own house, perfect career, young wife. so as soon as he wants to be lazy i just tell him remember - the future is in your hands. but of ourse my children lived in powerty, they know how life can turn. so maybe it is worth to show your son how life can turn if he is lazy at his young age?


ye, by the way, maybe he doesn't study cos he doesn't understand much? maybe u should consider first checking how is he doing at school and maybe u will have to get a tutor. my son also once was procrastinating with homework, when i went to shcool to talk to a teacher it occured he was way behind all the class so he just needed help. good luck

Answer 7

Tell him the better the grades the more money he will be rewarded with. Good old fashioned bribery :)

I done this to my daughter who was not doing to well in regards to her grades, so i said each C grade £2 each, B= £5, and £10 for A grades.

Certainly done the trick and we both get what we want :)

All the best :)

Answer 8

Well you could always try setting fire to it, that should motivate him a little. Failing that a quick trip to the Naval recruitment office, get him on a ship and he's then someone else's problem

Answer 9

Why dont you and him have a little chat about how things should run around the home? Also let him know you just want whats best for him. Let him know his behavior is tiring you out. Maybe he does'nt even realize. or you could always show him your letter to ASK.THEN THE ANSWER.Just a suggestion.Good luck

Answer 10

try to make the studying more enjoyable, dont make it seem like an impossible task. If you help him with it it could make your relationship better and it would encourage him to get up and out of bed. Try adding breaks into the study time as well.