I have a very old friend i have known since i was 10 years old. He has always had feelings for me, but i have never felt the same way, but it has never been a problem.
Over the last few years, he's lost both his parents and is very lonely. He came to my wedding and wrote in the guest book, how lucky my husband was to have me and i have had texts from him since i got married last year saying that he wished he had asked me out years ago and that i would be with him.
I want to be able to go and see him, after losing his dad recently, but my husband knows about the texts and is not that happy.... what do i do, he is one of my oldest friends and i want to be there for him at the difficult time, but i dont want to upset my husband.
2007-05-31 22:17:24 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I just wanted to tell everyone, that i dont fancy him at all, never have, he is just a friend to me. I really appreciate all your advice thanks.
2007-05-31 23:06:59 · update #1
what you do is talk to your husband or bring him with you to visit him.tell him that you dont like him and to trust you.i have a guy frien my friend likes me but i dont, what my hisband tells me you know what are you dont, dont fuc* up ,lol he tell me that all the time.he trusts me. if he trusts you he would let you go see him.just tell him .
2007-06-01 00:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by yummie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband obviously treasures you because he so far hasn't complained that he feels your straying with your heart. Don't give this other man the sympathy vote. Sometimes the grass can seem greener, more exciting, more needy, more wanting. Think back to why you married your husband, all the things he does to make you smile, his every smile, his sweet words, the kind things he does and the things only the two of you share that the whole world wouldn't understand.
Compliments are lovely as are admirers but marriage is a vow entrusted with God's blessing.
Your husband cannot guarantee you there wont be tough times or that at some point one or both of you wont want out of it, but in his heart you know there is only you for him. If I was your husband I would be crushed at the thought that you even considered having feelings for him or going to 'comfort' him. Are you willing to risk your marriage and your husband's heart and happiness over a complimentary friend?
I'm sorry if I cause offense to you but I do think you may be thinking dreamily about this situation. You may be about to make a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life.
Your husband married you because he loves you, there is only you for him and whether he says it often enough or not he most likely feels that you are the most awesome creature on the planet, he would defend you with his life, care for you with his heart and kiss away your worries.
You have no guarantee this other man can be to you what your husband is. You are feeling sorry for the other man, not love.
Learn to say no. Or visit him WITH your husband then no one will risk anyone getting hurt. Maybe if he accepts you as a couple he will stop messing with your head and your heart by sending you these messages when he knows you have a man that will take care of you forever.
OK my conclusion is... the husband loves you and trusts you and may still love you if you break his heart and crush his soul. The old friend doesn't respect the vows/beliefs/commitments you have made, your own decisions.
Stick with your husband. If you do fear the worst (that you may have feelings for the old friend) cut off contact unless you want to throw away your marriage.
Hope that helps xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-05-31 22:34:18 · answer #2 · answered by vanessa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really know your feeling. I had such experience before. I was really cruel at that mement, said 'no' 'never get a chance' stuff. He must have hated me because he stopped talking to me. We never forget each other really. sometimes i even thought about him and wish him all the best. Years ago, we met up again thru a friend. A few of us had dinner together, and we talked about each other's life. He doesn't have the strong feelings for me like before and he doesn't hate me either. Isn't it a good result. I found my love and have a happy life now.
2007-05-31 23:21:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Cottontail your loyalty is to your husband. D guy might b goin thru a difficult time but if he cared ab u he wouldn't of created a situation that makes it awkward for u to have a "friendship". You were getting married he should've kept his feelings to himself after all he had all those years to ask n he didn't bother. Sorry chicks. Good luck x x
2007-06-01 03:54:49 · answer #4 · answered by Dolly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you don't go at all since this guy can take it the wrong way or you can go with your husband together to offer your condolences and after the funeral talk to him and let him know once and for all that you are happily married and will appreciate it if he stops bothering and harassing you cos this is harrassment.
2007-05-31 22:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reassure your husband that you have no feelings for this man! This is a life long friend! Your husband will understand eventually! If you had any feelings for this man you wouldn't have told your husband! He must know he can trust you! Do what you feel is right!
2007-05-31 23:26:12 · answer #6 · answered by emzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here goes your friend shouldn,t of have sent you those texts, he came to your weddding the happiest day of your life (woz it) the fact that your husband saw the texts he has everyrite to be p...ed off, are you sure that you want to see him because he iz your oldest friend and you want to be there him during his difficult time or iz it that you want to see him because he told you how he feels about you , remember you are married to the man who you fell in love with and chose to spend your life with , dont jepadize your marriage over it, write him a letter and tell him that you are sorry to here about hiz dad dying , but as far as any thing else goes its a no-go unless you want to be with him then you ave to tell your husband ,,,,,,,,,
2007-05-31 22:53:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not jeopardize your relationship with your husband. He is the one you chose and love.
If you need to go talk to your friend,ask him along.
If not just leave it, your old friend will recovered as time pass.
Sensible friend will not do these thing on your wedding day.
2007-05-31 22:57:47 · answer #8 · answered by jason w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling you gotta enable me comprehend could I stay or could i bypass? in case you assert which you're mine i'm going to be right here til the top of time so which you acquire to enable comprehend could I stay or could i bypass?
2016-12-30 11:36:24 · answer #9 · answered by barakat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go to this guy because it sounds like you just pity him. Maybe just continue a mail relationship, distant, but caring. You can't go after every injured bird out there, as sweet as your heart is, you do have your significant other to worry about and he needs you too.
2007-05-31 22:26:49 · answer #10 · answered by penelope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋