When a guy lets a women get off the bus first, or lets her go through a door before him, or holds a door open for her, and lets her go ahead of him for anything.. the old-fashioned 'gentleman' concept .... what do you think about that?
For some reason I really don't like it when some stranger does that for me. I don't know why I don't like it. Maybe for a number of reasons, like the following:
1. Maybe I don't want to be treated differently from a man.
2. Maybe its just weird because women don't do that very much for men (or for women).
3. It's silly, but if someone does even a small thing for me, I feel like I 'owe' them something.
4. I feel like that man could treat other people throughout his day just as he feels like, but letting me (or another women/girl) go off a bus before him is 'gentlemanly' and erases all his faults - it labels him as a 'good' man.
[more possible reasons below...]
2007-05-31 22:02:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
6. Women are typically seen as passive compared to males, and males are seen as active/pro-active (and in control) - so the whole 'opening a door for a women' thing gets to me because its almost saying 'you can't open the door' to me because I'm too weak or passive and I need to be protected. (I think the 'gentleman' idea is tied up in the idea that women need to be protected by men. Today, I'm not really sure what from... so I find that concept irritating).
7. I am completely capable of opening doors etc. I am also patient and it's no problem for me to wait for a guy to get off the bus etc before me, if he was in front of me. I like getting off last. So the 'gentleman' thing is annoying because It's totally and completely unwanted, unrequested, and unhelpful.
8. If I let a man get off the bus etc before me, it is very very annoying when they are really stubborn and will not, ever, let me let THEM get off first - because they think that is not being a gentleman.
2007-05-31 22:09:56 · update #1
I'm just saying that the stubborn "I shall be the gentleman no matter what" thing frustrates me - and the "gentleman" idea in general frustrates me. I wanted to be treated the same as anyone else. I guess I feel frustrated because it seems to be a 'nice' gesture but it reinforces gendered roles and stereotypes. So its good, and the intention behind it is great, but what it does, or makes me feel, is bad (in my opinion).
On the other hand, its nice being treated 'special'. However, I would rather be treated the same as everyone else.
What is your opinion (guys and girls) on the 'gentleman' concept??
2007-05-31 22:14:09 · update #2
Straightdowntheline - love your answer. But: When I've 'politely' refused the offer - the 'gentleman' will always keep insisting and is really really stubborn. When I've won, he often gets really offended! Which makes me feel bad - and then it makes me feel angry for feeling bad. Because when I let a man go first, he will often insist (and keep insisting) that I go first - and it gets ridiculous - everyone waiting for me to back down and just accept his offer!! So while I can certainly let a women get off a bus before me - I can't with many men - so its not fair and equal! I feel like I can't choose. I have to accept his offer even when I don't want to, but he won't accept mine.
2007-05-31 23:15:48 · update #3
I generally like the "gentlemen" idea. Coz I come from a culture of no-such culture. We squeeze buses and trains with men, got cut in the queue by men. My society is a society of "kia-su-ness" literally meaning "scared to lose". So, regardless being guy or lady, as long as you are first, it's alright. So, you rarely find a guy asking you to enter the elevator first, or pull a chair for you. Sometimes, ladies like to be treated as queens, it feels good to be treated in the "gentlemen" way. I haven't got sick of this idea yet =
2007-05-31 22:13:58 · answer #1 · answered by schongal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I reckon it's touching -agree with straightdowntheline, it's not gender related, more common courtesy, male/female if you see a pregnant lady or elderly/ disabled standing in public transport - give up your seat, good manners cost nothing and if you feel you "owe" when treated to a display, give a thought not to the bloke who may or may not be a good "man" but rather the parents that instilled the concept of "good manners"
mate.. burn ya bra and be done with it....there is no scarier being for a bloke than a feminnazi (females that scare the bejesus outta the poor blokes trying to do the right thing)
2007-06-01 05:37:28 · answer #2 · answered by renclrk 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forget the 'gentleman' stuff. It is common courtesy to hold a door open for someone following you - no matter in what gender order. For someone to leap out specifically to open a door specifically for you - well that is a completely different kettle of fish. If that should happen you are always at liberty to politely decline the assistance before it is performed, or if they're so desperate for your attention save them the bother and ask them for their number.
2007-06-01 05:22:43 · answer #3 · answered by CountTheDays 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i am a guy and i give women the way on all the mentioned occasions.the reason why i do it is because that my upbringing tells me to do that.i do not mean to be rude but most women like men giving them way it does not have any hidden motive behind it ,it is just the way it is.
2007-06-01 05:10:33 · answer #4 · answered by blueswimmer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry Amelia, I thought we were gonna get along, but this question is just plain stupid and reinforces for me the impossibility of women.
2007-06-01 12:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if we ever happen to be in the situation of walking into or out of the same building I'll be sure to let the door smash into you. 'Cuz I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings.
2007-06-01 05:11:09 · answer #6 · answered by ahauntedhistory 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
umm i open the door for anyone, and let them pass
remind me never 2 let u go past first
2007-06-01 05:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by *~Rux~* 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋