what do you do when ur spouse makes you feel like your always doing something wrong?

Question

here's a senerio. me & my husband have been together for 2 years. but we've only been married for 8 months.mine and his past hasn't been the greatest.however, since i've been with him i've completely changed my life around.and no matter if someone calls or i run into someone. he always makes a smart comment.like if i'm cheating on him.he's the only one the has ever made me feel like i'm doing something wrong.when in fact i'm not.i'm constantly letting him know that i wouldn't do anything to ruin our marrige.but, i know it doesn't register through him.i am now asking him almost every conversation that we have.if you couldn't trust me why then did we get married?the only answer he gives me is because i love you.well i feel that if you really love someone and your married you should be able tpo trust that person.right? well some answer this cuz i'm getting to the point of isolation.

Answer 1

You have a choice: You can stop living your life like a free and adult human being and live under his unbearable rules, or you can live your life as you feel and tell him to get over his petty jealousies. Nobody can stand to be picked at constantly and if you don't put a cap on it, it'll just grow into a monster you can't control.

Answer 2

First of all, thank you for adding me to your contacts.

Marriage is hard and takes a lot of work. If you all lived together or slept around before marriage, then it is natural there are feelings of infidelity. Trust is built over time, but pre-marital sex causes folks to unconsciously question if someone is really committed to the marriage. Hence, these snide comments about cheating on him. And I'm sure you might have those feelings to a certain extent about him.

So, how do you recover from these things? Accountability is helpful. Doing intimate things together, like praying or worshiping together also helps. Spending time together doing things you both enjoy will help as well.

Bottom line is that it'll take time. 8 months of marriage isn't very long. First five years of marriage are hardest.

You can email me through the Yahoo Answers website if you want to talk to my wife and I about these things.

Answer 3

Isolation is the first step in abusive relationships. Don't let it happen.

There are two reasons, basically, someone accuses you of cheating when you aren't...either they are insecure or they would cheat themselves if given the opportunity.

Do yourself a favor, if you haven't had children with this man, don't. If you have, don't have more. What you're dealing with is not going to go well for you in the long term, unless and until the two of you seek professional help. If he refuses professional help, get out. Get out..today. Run quickly and don't look back.

A general piece of advice. If you've been with someone and the relationship hasn't been the greatest, don't marry them..and don't have children with them. Neither one makes things better.

Answer 4

Oh sweetie if i could give you a huge hug right now I would, It's so difficult for everyone concerned when a family breaks down, especially for the children and don't you ever think that somehow it's your fault or that your dad doesn't love you or your little sister because he does. Sometimes people just don't make each other happy and they go their separate ways, your Mum and Dad may have fallen out of love with each other but both of them will Never Ever stop loving you and your sister. As for you Mum's B/F, it would always be difficult for you to see your Mum with another man who wasn't your dad and it's always going to be difficult for the new man to settle in with children who are not his own, your bound to be protective of your mum and you wont want him to try and replace your dad which he will never be able to do. Try talking to your mum about how you feel, it's difficult for her as well, she wants you to be happy but she also deserves to be happy herself but im sure she'd much rather put your feelings before her own. I don't think this new guy hates you I think he's probably more nervous of yours and your sisters feelings towards him, he doesn't want to come across like the man of the house but he feels like he has to defend your mum when you 2 argue which then results in you and him arguing. Please talk to your mum about this or even your dad, if your unhappy your dad has a right to know whats making you so sad and maybe you and this guy can find some sort of common ground.

Answer 5

If he's jealous then he's a very insecure person, thats a sigh that he can't be trusted, True Love is: Trust & respect. He doesn't sound like he does you! When you go into a relationship, except for changing things together, you shouldn't have to change much about yourself, if you do that you will loss your identity & thats not a healthy relationship. It sounds like you don't have a healthy relationship. Get rid of him before he starts hurting you. He has a sick way of showing you he Loves you. You do know prople use the word LOVE to control you. It sounds like thats what he is doing.

Answer 6

Sounds like he has been burned by someone he loved in the past...maybe a girlfriend he was serious about before you. I had these same trust issues when I married my current husband and instead of him working with me to help get over my trust issues he ended up adding to them because he would get mad I don't trust him blindly and act out. There is trust and there is blind trust, I don't believe in the latter of the two, because there are too many cheaters in the world.

Answer 7

I'll talk to him. The easier option of course, is to just let it pass and run away from the fight and pretend so that we may preserve our life back in our comfort zone --- for staus quo.

But lying in bed many years from now, what price shall you pay just for one chance - that one chance to come back to this moment?

He may inflict insults and ridicule you but you should never allow him to rob you of your dignity ever! NEVER ever!

Make a stand. Do it for yourself. Don't let him rape you over and over again with his smart comments. If you don't do something about this, you will be a victim for the rest of your life.

And I don't think you want that. Otherwise, you wouldn't have sollicited for opinions here. Be smart and do the right thing for yourself. Love yourself. Die to that life you have now and be born to a life that you truly deserve.

Answer 8

He is insecure but he really loves you. Make him feel that he is very important to you and you care a lot about your relationship. You have tell him also how you feel about his comments. The thing to do is for both of you to agree to make your marriage work. That should be your common objective.

Answer 9

Its like reading my own story..
however i was lucky coz we hadnt married..

so when I reachec a point where i felt that i couldnt take mroe.. i left him..
I agree with you.. these guys are psycopaths..
too pocessive and they forget that their spouse is a human being just like them..

I suggest you take a break from this thing (maybe temp).. and let him realize his life without you.. maybe that will get his priorities straightened up..

Answer 10

Lack of confidence, does he have a small penis?

Serious question because that usually stems from that.