Children still won't talk to me after years of swinging!?

Question

My 8 kids won't say boo to me, they hate me and call me "DIRTY TRAMP" because their step father and I decited to try swinging!

I heard stuff like so if you get AIDS do you expect us to look after you after your stupid behavour !
This one really hurt we came through this world through that "HOLE" and now our fouling it!

Only 4 kids were her at house when I married their step father and most of the time they stayed at their fathers house but I really pushed to have my youngest son here with us!
When their step father hit him he told everyone and theeir step father recieved the a return on his hitting in spades! No one would allow him to hit anyone else so he knew better, until the day my youngest 16 at the time found out about us swinging!
We tried bribry, threats and husband finally through son against the wall and threaten him! Big mistake because my son had 3 Black belts at the time and he put husband in hospital cops came and we got outed and arrested for abuse on minor!

Kids found out and well their was hell to pay, but being baligerat I decited that to hell with all of them I would continue and they will have to accept it, and after telling them that I got my *** kicked but good from my ex. their father took everything from me including the house that was in his name but I was living in because I was raising the kids!

6 years later I realized I was not getting kids to accept my lifestyle in fact they removed me from their lives all together Holidays, family gatherings, vacations together and so forth, but what really hurts is My GRANDAUGHTER being told I'm "EVIL" and if I try to contact her I will be in prison do to restraining order he mother got on me!

My youngest has been to IRAQ for 2 years this time and when he get home the whol;e family is going to vacation for 2 weeks Amusment "PARK HOPPING" and what really hurts again I wont be their to see GRAND CHILDRENS EYES when they go to DIsneyland for first time!

What really hurts even more is their father and his wife are planing on going with them, and I hate that because he did not give birth to a set of Triplets, quintuplets, or my youngest!
Yet he get everything I get nothing all because I chose to use my vigina in a maner the offended them all!

One even said a HOOKER has more value then I did because she was most likely doing it to feed herself and her family I was doing it becasue I was a degenate animal!
My youngest over in IRAQ wont accept my letters or care packages, he returns them all unopend!

My current husband soon to be NEW ex. Husband has decited he needs a change after I told him I want a divorce, he left 2 night ago and I find myself LONELY and with no one to talk to!

IS their a way to get my family to understand I did it because , it was my right! I grew up where a woman could not put out without being a whore or worse!

I know I was wrong why wont they listen and forgive me for my stupidy?

HELLO FOLKS: I found out over years nothing is secret form kids for long even the deep dark ones like this one!

KIDS FIND OUT EVERYTHING !
Hell when I was married to their father my lodest three found out I was having an affair before their father did!
Yes they told him too!

Are you crazy waiting for baby?
Or has your impending motherhood put your brain on standby?

It's been 6 years scense I left the LIFESTYLE AND THEY STILL WONT TALK TO ME!

Answer 1

You had the right to do what you want but you also brought alot of shame on the rest of the family through your actions so try to look at their side of it instead of just your own.

You have to realize you may never win them back after so many years of really bad choices on your part but begging, pleading and crying won't do it so you need to stop that because it is annoying to them and it degrades you even more.

Until you change your life and show them you have changed, they won't want anything to do with you.

First thing you need to do is sit down and write a letter of apology to each of them and mail them. Tell them you don't expect them to forgive you right now because you know the wounds are deep but let them know you are really sorry for your choices and are working to make yourself a better and more honorable person.

One thing you need to do is get to church. Get involved in some activites there and also some Bible studies. You might even talk to someone and get some counseling. Work to make yourself a better person by following guidelines in the New Testament and learn to humble yourself.

Change the way you dress if that needs improvements. Learn to be modest and dress your age, not like some teenager or swinger. Give up being provacative unless you are married and in the bedroom with your husband, not a boyfriend. Part of your changing will be setting a good example for others.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. It may take a while so be patient and stay involved in things at church so God's Word will influence who you are. Then when your children see the new you, maybe they will realize you were serious and want to be around you more often.

This won't be an easy road but God will get you through it if you just stick with it and be serious about things. You CAN do this :)

Galatians 5

16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.
18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery,[c] fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,
20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies,
21 envy, murders,[d] drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

My apologies for the length but hope it will help you in some way. God bless

Answer 2

Wow! You jeopardized your whole family for a few fleeting minutes of self satisfaction? Hope you got some satisfaction because, that is all you are likely to get.

I understand your need to be selfish but, I do not understand why you thought it was necessary that anyone know the private details of your sexual escapades. There is no way they could have found out about you little indulgences unless you allowed that to happen.

They may at some time come around but, I think for now you are out of luck. And just because you gave birth does not afford you any rights in the choices they make as adults. There opinions did not matter to you so why should your opinions matter to them?

Sorry, I know I am not being sympathetic to your cause. Your children are hurt that you taught them values and the importance of sex and yet you threw away your values and made sex seem cheap and unimportant.

Answer 3

For a while you're going to have to try and ignore all the gossip and hateful comments; you need to focus on the present and the future.

Your future depends entirely on you, not on other people.

Look inside yourself (takes time, effort, and commitment) and ask yourself 4 questions:

1) What do I like about myself? (list as many as you can)
2) What do I hate about myself? (limit yourself to just 2 or 3)
3) What can I do right now to start improving myself?(choose one thing today)
4) What can I do over the course of this year to improve the other things on my list?

I know it's hard to ignore, or respond positively (even neutrally) to hurtful comments, and it's even harder to put up with a situation in which people you love are giving you the cold shoulder and/or ignoring you...

BUT

Until you feel confident that you have improved yourself, and until you are ready and able to be a positive influence on others, you must accept the fact that some people have a negative opinion of you. Let it be. You don't have to reply to every comment from others. Turn the other cheek. Remain silent if you have nothing kind to say in return. Focus on what you yourself know to be your positives (#1 in the list above). Don't seek out everyone's approval just yet. If they ask, you might want to simply tell them that you are working hard to improve yourself, and you hope they will keep an open mind about you.

It takes a very long time to re-establish trust and respect once you've lost it. You have to be very, very, very patient.
Most of all, you must not let other's opinions of you decide how you feel about yourself. Even if they never change their opnion about you, you have a life to live, so get on with it.

Good luck to you. I'm not religious at all, but if you are...
God loves you.

Answer 4

I don't have a clue to what you could do to ease you back into their lives with welcomed arms. It has been years and it does not seem like they are bending with time.
Even though it was your right to do the things you did. As a mother, you did not have the right if you wanted to set a loving example to your children who held you in such high regard. And they did, so for years, you must have been a very good mother. Maybe too good since they refused to accept that you were human, capable of making mistakes.
As a woman and a mother, I do not condone a swingers lifestyle. For the very reason your children have shunned you. Usually I rip into people who don't think about the big picture. But, I actually could feel your pain in your question. I am sorry I do not know the right words to fix this for you. If I did, I would share them just so your family would take you back.

Answer 5

You've asked this question 4 times and have gotten every answer under the sun. Some that are negative, some that are positive, some that are neutral. What exactly are you looking for? Sitting here typing out 2 page explainations of your former lifestyle isn't going to fix anything. If you need to just get this off of your chest, that is what blogs or online diaries are for. Good luck with picking up the pieces of your life.

Answer 6

This is the sort of situation that invites some investigation, but by no means should you be overly alarmed. By itself, this symptom does not indicate a specific consition, but it may represent a type of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that is characterized by obsessions. Schedule an evaluation bya child psychologist or other pediatric mental health professional. It's not the type of situation you should 'watch and wait'. I consider you show your concern to your parents!

Answer 7

So sorry honey for what it is you dealing with but as you had the right to play around when your kids was younger they have the right to not want to be reminded of those times, you talk like it was something that wasn't affecting them but everything a parent does affects her children weather it be spending a birthday in the hospital because the pan burnt your hand making the cake for them or being at the babysitters for more nights then in their own beds. a good parent is going to spend as much time with the children as possible because they grow up so fast. you are just one of the unfortunate ones you lost out then and now are going to lose out even more.

Answer 8

You know what you was doing was sleazy, and you didn't stop to think about how your kids would feel knowing the most important people in their life are whores, once your a parent you cant think about you anymore, you have to set a good example for your kids to be better people then you were and are, and to help them succeed better in life, you put your own lustful desires above your own kids which it takes a very cold hearted and selfish person to do that. You do need the Lord as we all do. All you can do is pray to God that they forgive you keep praying with ceasing

Answer 9

ok... you need to stop doing drugs. Dont try to fake it you're obviously on some illegal drug, and if you arent you should go see a psychiatrist to get perscription medication. The only way to win back their hearts (which more than likely wont happen, but I suggest you do this anyway) is go through "rehab". Do and say your seeing a doctor/therapist who is helping you, get on a perscription medication and stop what your doing. You need to stop thinking about your "needs" and begin thinking about the children who are growing up without a mother. You need to stop this mind frame that "i have i right to" cuz that only makes things worse. Be an example to the growing children by doing and saying im taking care of the problem!

Answer 10

You brought this on yourself.
You married an abusive jerk and lost your family because you wanted to be a tramp and could not keep it secret.
How did your son find out?
Did you "accidentally" let it "slip"?

Too bad, so sad.
Get over it, douchebag.

You need to see a reputable family counselor.
There is a really good one in Chicago.
His name is
Jerry Springer.