I need advise about what to do about my 9 year old daughters friend please.?

Question

A couple of months ago My daughter and I invited her "best friend" to go camping with us on the 4th of july. Lately her friend hasn't been talking or playing with my daughter at school. I told her to ask her why. The girl says she's not mad just that the kids call my daughter a "geek" and that she doesn't want to be a "geek" too so she hasn't been playing with her. It doesn't really bother my daughter at all but it bothers me. Basically this girl is telling my daughter that she's ok to play with outside of school away from the peer pressure but at school is a different story. Should I just let my daughter handle this or should I step in and tell her she can't go camping with us? I told my daughter that if she's going to be friends with this girl that she shouldn't have to hide it. Should I call and talk with her mother or just let it go and see what happens? Thank you:-}

Answer 1

It is true a real friend would not do this. B-U-T we are talking about small children, not the older teenagers. These FADS come and go, next week it could be someone else's turn to get the ax, and your daughter could very well be part of the croud who gets on her case. Also, this friend is betwix and between right now - it is very likely her good nature will win out in the end and she will do the right thing.
Don't forget when kids say " everyone" they mean the three girls they eat lunch with..... so I would not make more out of this...she's too young to make this an important issue - if you do then she will remember it.

You want to also be sure the lesson your daughter gets out of this is: "If someone wrongs you it don't give you the right to wrong them in return."
You see, if this friendship truly is dying, there is little anyone can do to change that. holding on to the past, and keeping things "the same" is human nature ...human desire. change is inevidible and we must adapt. For this, if change is to be that friend will eventually stop wanting to go camping anyhow - there is no need to push this upon them any sooner than it would come natually. I would consider taking a real friend of her's along too. Maybe friend #1 will have a change of heart when she is the " Odd Man Out." and maybe it will just give her the motivation to reflect on herself.

Answer 2

Calling the mother will only cause more problems for your daughter so I wouldn't do that. How sad that kids can't just be friends instead of such snobs.

Take the girl on the camping trip but make it a point while you are there to discuss what true friends are and have both the girls answer what they think a true friend is first to see what they understand about it (ask your daughter last). You might learn alot about their thinking and you might also be able to educate them, too. You might also try to get your daughter to have other friends over occasionally so she can bond with them and spread her wings a little.

It's only natural for this to upset you ~ just like a mother bear wanting to protect her cub :) Sometimes, though, you just have to suck it in and set a good example and let them learn a few lessons along the way.

She shouldn't be influenced by your feelings on this ~ she is innocent and likes the girl so let her enjoy that while she can. She'll grow up fast enough. In time her feelings may change as she gets older and sees how one-sided the friendship is.

Answer 3

First, if you talk to her mother, you will make it so much worse for your girl. She is already being called a geek. Don't add tattletale or mommas girl to it. This girl may need to learn a lesson in friendship and the camping trip may just be it. Don't plan everything for the girls, but find out what they would like to do and if it is possible, let them. Hopefully their friendship can grow strong enough to stand up to the peer pressure. I know girls at that age, though, and sometimes it just happens. Mine is 11 now. Girls are so moody and fickle at times and switch friends all the time.

Answer 4

Well, your concern is not the conduct of your daughter's best friend. After all, she's her parents business, not yours.

First, do what every mother would do. See how your child is coping and help her make the right decision, based on your judgment.

Second, if you're good friends with her mom, you could mention it but bring it up tactfully. Many parents don't like being criticized for their parenting.

The most important thing is to make sure your daughter's self-worth and confidence is not affected. If the best friend is indeed taking advantage of her and if this relationship becomes destructive, then you have to help her pull the plug and find friends who would actually be better for her.

All the best.

Answer 5

Part of me wants to say to let the kids work it out on their own.
But then the other side says, that your daughter needs help in working out this relationship. You may call and talk to the mother of this girl.
Other wise if you do end up taking this girl on the camping trip, I suspect you might feel a bit uncomfortable with the given situation.

~faith

Answer 6

Ask the daughter to confront the "friend" of what true friendship is.

Just remember to never force things or overly push things. Not taking her friend camping after promising would cause more issues than a solution.

Answer 7

hello.. welcome to gradeschool. There's nothing you can do.. just let it go. If you step in by either not letting her go or calling her mom then your daughter will be upset with you and it will make things a little harder with that girl in school. This sort of stupid stuff happens all the time in school. Their both young and they will grow out of it.

Answer 8

a real friend likes you all the time,,dont take her camping anymore and if the mother asks why,,then tell her

Answer 9

don't take her camping.talk to her mom about but don't force her to play with your daughter if she doesn't want to.i hate when 'friends' use you.it's happened a lot to me and it really sucks.