My wife of 18 years has cheated on me in the past and had certain behavior patterns during those times when as she put it "it was just a kiss", we separated 4 years ago when I caught her in the coffee shop with a man having breakfast, after a 8 hours in jail for disorderly conduct she left the house and 4 months later we were back together, it was pretty good until I started to detect the same behavior 3 months ago, so I left now I miss her (i must be sick) and I keep calling her,before i left she was explosive when i would question her as to why she is witholding love. She in fact had called me a control freak for 15 years but she tuned the tables when she left 4 years ago. when she came home I was kissing *** bigtime and she would "control" me or I should say she would display her power over me by withholding any affection. she uses this because she knows it tortures me. She still waers her ring, but she said dont bring flowers to my work anymore.she says we need to go slow.
2007-05-31 19:13:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This sounds more like an addiction to her than love for her. Especially if she makes your life miserable. You need counseling for self-esteem issues. You don't know what it feels like to be respected and truly love. Seriously, seek professional help and you will see that you don't love her, you are addicted to her. You seem to have come to enjoy the way she treats you and that screams low self-esteem, my friend. You deserve better but need help, and you're not alone in that. Don't feel inadequate or weak for needing help. Seeking help takes courage. You have that courage because you left a bad relationship. Best wishes for a better future.
2007-05-31 19:21:32 · answer #1 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should take your wife's lead and take things slow. If she is still wearing her ring and still talks to you then you can win her back.
There are other ways people show love. Check out the book The Five Languages of Love - they are Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. So when you say you want more affection that could mean your primary language is words of affirmation (verbally affectionate) or physical touch (like hugging). This is how you feel most loved, if your partner shows her affection to you. Just because she hasn't done that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She just doesn't speak your language.
You should also check out marriage builders.com. They have a Plan A that you can do if your partner has cheated but you want them back. Basically be the nicest person to your partner, like kill them with kindness in the meantime work on yourself to make yourself happy. I'd search for it on the site for more information.
If anything else, think back to all of the good times that you guys had and be grateful to have had her in your life for the last 18 years. Look back at all the experiences you've had together and thank God that you had the opportunity to share them with her and stop focusing on the bad stuff. Be grateful for the things you have and you will have more to be grateful for. By thinking this way, you will feel more postive towards her and that could attract a more positive reaction from her.
Good luck with everything.
2007-05-31 19:52:52 · answer #2 · answered by smileygurl80 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage has to be based on trust. When one partner commits adultery, the trust is broken, the marriage bed is defiled. Time for the divorce lawyer. It's the only reason God allows divorce.
Find some one who wants to be committed to you and enjoys the privileges of marriage. Why waste your time on such a loser. Why let her keep hurting you and playing games on your head. You are worth much more than that. You deserve to be respected and loved. Not disrespected and left to the cold side of the bed. There are a lot of women in the world to choose from. Not all are cheaters and cold fish.
2007-05-31 19:29:25 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what is happening is that you are mourning the loss of your marriage. This doesn't mean that you should go running back, it means you need to find a new way of coping because being mistreated by her is not working to heal your wounds.
the reason you keep doing it is because it is all you know and it has become a habit. But habits can be changed.
If you are truly done being controlled by this woman, find a new outlet for your grief and move on.
2007-05-31 19:20:50 · answer #4 · answered by :) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there appears to be a pattern going on here.
if you can take her back after that may the 2 of you should think about swapping or a swing club it might satisfy her enough
2007-05-31 19:24:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suck it up and live with the decision you made. She chose to cheat and you chose to leave. Deal with it. Nothing gets you over old p u s s y better than new p u s s y.
2007-05-31 19:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by Big Daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like to me...."once a cheater, always a cheater". She must not be satisfied with you to cheat on you...with that just ask yourself: "Am I willing to be with someone that's going be with someone else?" Because the truth is that she'll never change......sorry.
2007-05-31 19:30:09 · answer #7 · answered by aihsacak 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have an addiction to what is known as Used
P u s s y. You can get help for that at Loser.com
2007-05-31 19:18:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is tired,bored and confused.Leave her alone for a while.She is not sure about you two.Let her think about it,let her make sure if she wants to be with you.More you cling,less interested she will be.Just hold back your feelings and give her room to bride.
2007-05-31 19:23:36 · answer #9 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Once the bullet has left the gun, don't attempt to put it back in the barrel, it could be dangerous.
2007-05-31 19:17:35 · answer #10 · answered by brad 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋