Is it normal to not like the woman your ex husband is marrying?

Question

I just don't like her ............she told my girls it will be okay to call her mommy!!

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you are coming out with a new product called "Hatorade." However, I have to admit that I would be pissed if I had kids and my ex's new spouse told them that they could call him daddy. Consider your hater's pass re-instated. Peace and God bless.

Answer 2

Oh my, do I see your jealous head raising up? Yes, it is normal to dislike anyone that an ex is with, especially if he sought the divorce. Even if it was a mutual parting, you will have a hard time agreeing that another woman is 'right' for your ex, as right as you were for him.

Give the woman a chance. If you do not like the kids calling her mommy, then tell him and her so. Then, they should tell the kids to call her something else--but not a name that you would choose. hehehe!

Keep it civil around the kids and don't complain about her, because you would be surprised how one kid will love her because you hate her and another will hate her because you do. Kids pick up on all sort of things and you need them to mature to make their own opinion of her--because, face it, she is here to stay. THE KIDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ENTITY IN THIS BLENDED FAMILY.

So, instead of being NORMAL, be EXCEPTIONAL and get over it.

Answer 3

It's normal, but you need to keep your personal feelings in check and try to get along with everyone for the sake of the kids.

Don't get upset when she says things like they can call her mommy. I would talk to the husband and explain to him that if the girls want to call her mommy that's fine, but she need not be putting it out there like that. If it's going to happen it will and without her telling them it's okay. She is overstepping her boundaries there.

Answer 4

Sure its normal...because you're looking at her as "the other woman"...but then again turn the table..for a sec...and look at the big picture here..

Don't you think even for a moment here or there...your ex husbands new wife looks at you as "the other woman" as well even if you're the ex wife and she's going to be the new wife ?
Come on now ? Be sensible.. ?

She may just be another person that the girls could actually like and an extra person to love the girls.. (example...Sheryl Crow..when she was with Tour De France Champ Lance Armstrong..he's got 3 kids,she had none, but she loved them like they were her own)..

Your feelings are normal but you should be fair and sensible about this..after all.. if you don't like her thats fine, keep it to yourself but don't act like you don't like her in front of your kids because inappropriate or rude behavior or attitudey behavior is learned rather quickly by children.

She told your girls "it will be ok to call her mommy"..She offended you yes, but I also think you took it way too personal and somewhat out of context...

Why do i say so ? I'm saying so because I understand your feelings, they are your girls, not hers, but also the fact that she said you can call me mommy is what peeves you off... I can see that..because you have always been "MOMMY" to the girls and will always be MOMMY to them..

No one and nothing wille ever change that..but I believe she didn't peeve you off intentionally...I believe she just said you girls can call me mommy its ok, because a) I'll be step mom and married to your dad, b) i want you guys to call me mommy, because I want to be close to you and i want you to know you have your mommy and daddy and you can be close to them but you can also be close to me..because I want to be an extra person who loves you.

Thats how i look at the whole picture..

If i was the new wife i wouldn't dream of having your kids call me mom.. that was wrong of her to do so..but i understand where you both are coming from..

I'd simply just wanna be addresed with my name.. because id be way too uncomfy with the "this is my mom and this one is my step mom" kind of remark by kids..

Just some thoughts..
Good luck.

Answer 5

Girl get a grip and do not trip on names. Your girls know who their mommy is so do not even get into that foolishness. You can teach them to be confident women by not acting like a witch by worrying what the actual witch does. Be a diva and dive into who you are and let that stand on its own for those little divas. It will be a smoother sailing for them if mommy acts like she is not threatened. My ex could marry a horse or Paris Hilton. I could give a darn as long as no law is passed that I would have to be his wife again!

Answer 6

look its normal to get all emotionally wrecked when the ex moves on. I am a remarried mother of 4, my new husband has 4 kids. one of which is 4years old, she calls me "mama (my name)" all together, but i never introduced it to her. She put it together when she was around my kids and heard them calling me mama, i explained i am a mama and my name is(####). She put it together over time. I raise her no different than my own and love his kids as much as my own. I am very much hated by his ex, only because she wanted him back 3 days after she found out he and i were dating. Now he and I have been together for over 3 years, and his ex has borderline personality disorder, not to mention she's extremely narcissistic; none the less I smile politely in her presence. The children know who their mom is and are not confused about any of it, they know I'm not taking her place, just enriching their lives. They are encouraged to love in our home, just do the same. Your their mom, they love you, concentrate on your relationship with them and answer lovingly any concerns they might have. Try to be patient, if she a jerk the kids will pick up on it. If shes not a jerk consider yourself lucky.

Answer 7

She was wrong to say this to your girls. She is NOT their mom and will never take your place in their lives. That is probably what made you feel angry with her. To your first question- Yes. Most females do not like the idea of an ex-lover connecting with someone else after wasting so much time and emotional conflict with them. Breaking up with someone you are bonded to is devastating and then, seeing them with another person is a slap in the face to most people, generally.

Answer 8

My sister's step-daughter (who is only a few years younger than her) calls her Mom. And the step-daughter's kids call her Grandma. Not a big deal. She knows who her real mother is and frankly, my sister and her have a very close relationship. Since my sister and her hubby's ex have had contact only once, it's not a cause of problems.

However, my BIL's kids were adults when he remarried. You might work with your girls to find an appropriate name for step-mother (be nice!) other than what your kids call you and as an alternative to her first name.

Answer 9

Hes marrying her :;. get a grip..!!!.. You should work w/ her to raise those little girls.... Don't you know that is exactly how they will look at her when she is w/ your ex on the visitation She will be STEP-MOM { .Better yet kids living w/dad} She will never replace you ... your love is all they know but eventually and unfortunately for you .....NOT THEM>>>>, they will grow to love her as well as her loving them . {{{{{NOW YOU R SHOWING YOUR POSSESIVE SIDE}}}}} Grow up ...she may have something good to offer them... My Ex husbands wife DID!!!!

Answer 10

That is rude of her, I would go straight to the source, talk to her, let her know where the boundary's are and that she will not cross them.
My step son wanted to cal me mom when his dad and I got married, I told him that his mother wouldn't like that, I myself did that out of respect for her - that is about the only respect that I have for her. But I do know my boundaries when it comes to other peoples kids

Answer 11

see i know just what you mean. my ex husband (almost 28) just remarried 3 months after our divorce (to an 18 year old) and he says that she's her mommy too. i think its completly okay to not like them you just don't need to be immature about it. she got my daughter ready for a pagent....ggggrrrrrr and (baby was only 6 months old) i couldn't handle it. i had to walk away.....plus they picked out a dress all wrong for her and didn't even fix her hair....anyway. i think its okay.