im kinda confused about my sexuality, and i really need help. I dont know if i gay, or staight bi or what?

Question

i have been confused for quite some time now. Im not sure whether i like guys or girls or if im just going through a stage. Like when i think of girls it seems that i feel that they are beautiful and cute and such but i really dont have a desire like most guys do to just have sex with them all the time, and i really dont really think about them in that way. Im not sure if im trying to block the idea out of my mind because all my life i have been taught that being gay is bad, but i do find myself thinking about cute guys. I have never tried any thing with guys, and i am so confused ( as i have stated may times before). So basically i am 17 and am a junior in high school. I guess i like girls but i find myself liking them in a more cudely way, not really too sexual. I think of guys and think that i might want to try doing things with them, but feel that their insensitive most of the time, and then again somethimes i dont have those desires. Can someone help please, this is killing me.

Answer 1

It is entirely possible to think that women are beautiful or cute without being sexually attracted to them. It sounds to me like you are gay, but you are still young and the only way to figure out what you like is to date around. For now just have an open mind, try to forget anything negative you may have been told in the past about homosexuality and listen to your instincts. Many gay men don't come out until college or later, and questioning your sexuality while you are in high school is completely normal. Try experimenting sexually with guys and see if you like it.

Answer 2

Because you are 17 and a minor, I really believe that those who answer you should demonstrate some sensitivity to what is obviously a very important question to you. As a mother to a 17-year-old son myself, my heart aches for you because you don't know how to identify yourself. Being a teenager is a turbulent and often confusing time of life as it is. Throw into the mix an uncertainty about your sexual identity and it is doubly hard. I am straight and a Christian. My beliefs do not support the notion of homosexuality. This question might get some answers from those whose beliefs are similar to mine, but they might be judgmental and not nice. Then you might get answers from those who are gay and want you to embrace your homosexuality, if indeed you are gay or you might receive similar answers from those who are not gay but who have nothing against being gay. No matter who answers your question, you are likely going to get a flurry of mixed answers which could only add to your confusion.

My suggestion would be to talk to a counselor who has no preconceived notions about homosexuality one way or the other. You could ask for your school counselor to refer you to someone, or you could look in your phonebook for a referral service or hotline that you could talk to without having to go through your parents (if you think that might be a problem). I think a qualified counselor could help you sort out how you truly feel so that whatever you decide about your sexuality, will not be influenced by the opinions of others, but rather on what you know about yourself, from what you have been able to discover through counseling.

I wish you all the best. Hang in there.

Answer 3

Its not so very hard to understand old chap, your a teenager and your hormones are going north and south (and don't tell me that your past all that...some poor souls have to endure wildly fluctuating hormone levels into there twenty's).

Your not going through anything that any other man on earth hasn't gone through or is going through ... relax, i mean it RELAX!!!

Its going to take time, Patience and common sense. I know it seems to you like all the world is happily getting on with sex and such and "WHY AREN'T I !!!"... guess what, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE YOUR MIND UP ANY TIME SOON!! I was twenty one when i first had sex, there is no rush. Just Concentrate on your studies, go to parties, have fun (BE SAFE) and see what happens.

There are IMPARTIAL advise lines out there.. use them, If you need more help then try talking to a counsellor.

Answer 4

By the way you say "the opposite" with guys I'd say that the attraction is all physical on that spectrum, so maybe it's just a little phase you're going through. It's impossible to say whether you're gay or straight because your feelings are totally mixed. Even straight girls get physically attracted to other girls from time to time, but only physically and sometimes out of jealousy, not because they want to be in a relationship with them. I'd say give it some time to let it pan out. I promise that in a year, or possibly two, you'll have sorted it out for good before you have to start worrying about labels. For now, just enjoy it, and date who you feel attracted to. x

Answer 5

A lot of people have replied to this with a try a girl, try a guy, see which you like better type answer.

I truly think it is more complex than that. Sexuality, and relationships are more complex than that.

You may not be ready to have a sexual or intimate relationship yet. But are seeing those around you in intimate relationships, and think you should be like that and be in a relationship, or having sex.

To me, what stands out in what you have written is that you say about girls is that most of the time you aren't really thinking about them. Then you say about guys that you feel they are insensitive most of the time, and sometimes you don't have desires towards them.
Both those statements to me say that maybe you aren't ready yet to be that close to anyone.
Or that maybe your sexual drive or desire isn't that strong as far as being with anyone else at this time.
You are 17, and there is plenty of time for you to develop intimate sexual relationships with people. You have many years ahead of you. There are people who find that they prefer to have no sexual relationships. Or prefer not to during a certain period of their lives.
It is entirely personal to each person.

There is plenty of time for you to develop your own identity.
You are already doing so, and questioning who you are at your age is very normal.

Pressuring, or pushing yourself to date people to find out if you are gay, or straight, bi; isn't necessary. Allow yourself to discover these things gradually, rather than pushing yourself to be a certain way.

If you want to date people truly, then of course, go ahead, but never push yourself, or them. Or allow yourself to be pushed or pressured.

If you are concerned about fitting in, then think about what interests you have in common other than just sexual.
Those are the people you will probably 'fit in with'. Regardless of their sexual orientation. Never let yourself be limited by a label of what sexual orientation you are or are not.
Life is much bigger than that.

If you want to talk about it more, do you have close friends who are accepting and you can talk to? A sibling, or other family member who is understanding? Or even talk to a school counselor.

Answer 6

The only way you're ever going to know where you stand as far as your sexuality is to experience both sides and decide from there. Just try to find people that you're comfortable with (if there is a gay/lesbian/bi support group in your community/school, that's a great place to start) and see how things evolve from there. Just make sure that if you do go forward with exploring it, make sure that you are extremely comfortable with the person(s) you do explore it with.

Answer 7

first of all, only you can ultimately answer that question. and for many, myself included, it takes a long time and some serious introspective soul searching.

I spent my first 29 years terrified to even consider such a thing. I knew I liked guys, and being with girls made me very uncomfortable, and I only did it to give myself cover. But, still I was terrified of admitting it.

You sound kinda like me when I was your age. But, again, only you can answer this question. You may be clinging to the idea of liking girls because you are SUPPOSED to like girls and keep trying to push away the idea of liking guys because you are NOT supposed to like guys.

I have pretty crude way for helping you in your quest for an answer....when you jerk off, who/what do you fantasize about....opposide sex, or same sex? if you can be completely honest with yourself, I think that will give you a clue.

Answer 8

Let me put it this way: when I was 14 I was in the same situation.
You just got to jump the mental blocks, hook up with a guy and see. If you like it alot then your prob gay. If you find it dull, boring or really really disguting then your most likely straight. Thats the best I can give you. I really don't have it all worked out myself. X.x Good luck!

Answer 9

If you are gay, you are gay.
There's not much you can do about it, denial will only further complicate lives.
The insensitive guys are straight.
Only another gay guy will respond to you in a positive way.
You really don't need to make any decisions at such a young age, just be patient.

Answer 10

You sound like you know what you want. You "like" girls up to the point of 'cuddling with them." Then there are the guys (who you wouldn't mind 'trying to do something with", i.e., sex). Sounds to me you know what you want!!! You JUST DON'T LIKE ADMITTING IT! And I know how you feel, I used to feel the same way. Well, get over it. There's NOTHING to feel guilty about! Did YOU get a list of what you wanted out of life and you checked off f*g? Cause I sure didn't, yet that's what I got, and you know what? The day I accepted myself and who I was I became HAPPY! Truly happy with myself. I didn't choose this life, but I accepted who I was/am and THAT allowed me to find happiness!

Good luck!