I help my son, he's 24. He goes to school and works. As long as he helps himself is it so wrong to chip in a little? He's made mistakes the same as anyone else. Some people think he should suffer for these mistakes. He's had anxiety problems and panic attacks. He overcame this on his own. He was on meds and knew he couldn't afford them and didn't expect my husband and I to pay for them.
2007-05-31 14:57:37 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ambergail he's not married and in school and has 2 kids to support. I don't overdo it. And what is this "Give a man a fish he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish he will eat forever." All I hear is how bad men are. I've got a husband that is so caring and loving. Don't get me wrong he pisses me off every once in awhile, he's not perfect. My son seems to be alot like him. As long as my son is responsible and pays his bills, I'll help him all I can. My husband and I both have the money. Why should he wait until we're dead to get his inheritance and the help he needs occassionally? HE IS RESPONSIBLE so... I guess these family members who fuss about it are jealous. I help my daughter the same way.
My husband's mom is so jealous of our money. She thinks she should tell us how to spend it.
2007-06-01 07:09:15 · update #1
No I don't think you should stop helping him. If all you are doing is helping him here and there then there is nothing wrong with it. Most people help out their children here and there. my mother helps my husband and I out when she can. Of course we, probably like your son, only ask for help when we absolutely need it. Like don't have enough money for food, gas, bills, meds, ect. Everyone makes mistakes. It's human nature. I don't see why he should have to "suffer" because of these mistakes. You are just being a mother. Nothing wrong with that.
2007-05-31 15:04:53 · answer #1 · answered by Steven's Love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
now how much $ are we talking about here? I am 25 and married. Our parents pick up the occasional dinner. They also paid for our wedding and honeymoon. Granted it didnt cost that much, but that's not the point. It's fine to give him $50 or so for gas money or a nice dinner every once and a while. Paying his rent is not! I have seen it with my husbands friends. To many handouts just breeds laziness. Give a man a fish he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish he will eat forever. He is your son. Love him all you can, don't give him all the money you can.
2007-05-31 16:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by ambergail1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Medications aren't meant to cure, they are meant to help one cope.
Yes, he HAS to make his own mistakes. However, suffering is only constructive if something is/can be learned. Understand, you have a life and a self that needs aide. He is same, as are we all. If you feel enough to reach beyond yourself with the ability to be self-sustaining emotionally, financially, mentally, etc. Then help! My gosh, if he asks, help him. But, do not DO for him, assist. Help is to assist, not do for.
Furthermore, one can suffer on all levels of self: Health, Mental, Spiritual, Social, Career, Love, Finance, Family. In which does he suffer? Are YOU the cure? Has he learned from his mistake? Or, will the suffering be constructive as to teach him?
What does he do to ask for help?
Love IS the desire to help others, but love can take many forms. You can help him by letting him learn from his mistakes. Think about how your help will affect him, not whether or not it is right. By asking how, you will find whether or not.
That is all.
2007-05-31 15:13:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is someone making you feel guilty about helping your son? My opinion is, it isn't wrong to chip in a little. It would be wrong if you were totally supporting him while he didn't work and was playing all the time. I think you already know that it isn't wrong, you just need some one else to confirm it.
2007-05-31 15:05:08 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not able to get the entire picture here the question does fully explain everything....But in any case though it is right to make a guy independent by letting him fend for his own,but if it is sure he cant do it without help then there is nothing wrong in helping
Besides if you would not help your son then who will ? nice to see you are so much concerned abt him
2007-05-31 15:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by ricki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wouldn't, it sounds like you a doing a great job being a mother. Some people don't seem to get it that you don't stop being a mother or a father, just because your children have become adults.
Good luck!
2007-05-31 15:00:35 · answer #6 · answered by Detective 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ma'am, if he is so responsible why is he still living at home and getting you to ask questions such as how to lessen his responsibilities to his children (which he had with 2 separate women). Why is it that he is so responsible and your immediate family so well off that you expect him to not have to pay what the court order dictates he is responsible?
2007-06-02 15:35:39 · answer #7 · answered by God spelled backwards 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
as long as he is willing to help himself then there is nothing wrong with helping a little, dont worry about what other people say, its your child and u have the right to do things they way you feel best
2007-05-31 15:00:32 · answer #8 · answered by dillykraut 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would agree with chipping in. But, I would also put limitations on it.
I would never throw good money after bad.
2007-05-31 15:28:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
One minute you are asking how to get his support responsibilities lowered so you can boot him out and the next you want to care for him for the rest of his life. Are you bipolar?
2007-06-01 11:57:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋