Is my marriage over?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. One month after our three year anniversay, he left. He said that he just did not believe that he wanted to be married anymore. We have had our fair share of "arguements" but nothing that horrible. His problem is that he has lied to me since we've been together about little things. I did find out that he cheated (supposedly an isolated incident) about two years ago. He asks me to wait and just give him time, but he has been gone almost 2 months, but still makes daily contact with me. I am not sure if I should just go ahead and throw in the towel.

Answer 1

This is a toughy! My ex-husband and I just got divorced, because he told me that he didn't have "faith in our relationship". Now he wants back, at least your man left before he filed the papers. I say give him some time...he maybe trying to figure out what he needs to do, and I actually think that's fair on his part...at least he hasn't completely given up, and he has been keeping up communication daily. Have faith, marriage is sacred and should be worked on until it can't be worked on any longer, exhaust all your options before giving up completely. Maybe while he's gone you can take this time to figure things out yourself...this kind of puts the ball in your court, since he's the one who left, you get to set the standard if/ when he decides to come back. So ...start weighing the pro's and cons of the relationship. Look at the problems you two have been having and try and figure out how to overcome them...whether it be counseling for him, or you or both of you together. Need more communication? Need to spend more time together? Start setting goals for your relationship... and figuring out ways to change unhealthy past behaviors. He needs time fine...but don't settle, when he comes home there needs to change, ecspecially if he hasn't figured out make changes already, but I think that maybe what he is trying to do...he may be trying to make personal changes that will benefit the relationship.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to say but after three years he doesn't know if he wants to be married? There is more to that then he is saying. The whole lying ( even if they are little things) and cheating incident is not a good combo ....... it only speaks of what he is capable. If he is asking for time ..... then you should give he all the time in the world to find out whatever it is he is looking for ...... but during that time you need to live your own life independent from his and not placing it on hold ...... you might find out that you are the one that doesn't want to be married to him after all. When someone truly loves you ...... they wouldn't need time to figure anything out. The daily contact sounds like he is threading you along so that he keeps his options open ( that is an old trick) Do yourself a favor and give yourself time.......

Answer 3

The fact that you even said "supposedly" before you wrote "an isolated incident" makes me believe that you do not believe your husband was only unfaithful once. If that is the case, YOU need to do some soul searching yourself. Maybe you need to 1. file for separation just in case and 2. seek some marital counseling even if you just do it on your own. If you do not have faith in your marriage yourself, how can you expect your husband to have faith in it? I think you really need to think about what YOU want and not think so much about what HE wants. Marriage is a two-way street. You need your time too. Trust me, you will want your time if he decides he wants to come back. I've been there, done that, can write the book!

Just remember, he doesn't call all the shots...you have a say in this too! Communication is the KEY to all relationships!

Good Luck sweetie! :)

Answer 4

I'd throw in the towel unless he actually tells you what is up. A health problem? He thinks he's gay? Some kind of gambling or money issue? Cheating again? Sounds to me that he just isn't into commitment.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. It's tough.

Answer 5

Sorry this is happening, sounds like just what he said, didn't believe he wanted to be married. cheating is no isolated incident, it was planned and calculated, maybe its time to move on,he sounds like he hasn't grown up yet , do you have children? if not dont have any,you may end up alone, with a child, if you choose to divorce, live alone for a while, get yourself together, and enjoy life, when one door closes, another opens, good luck hon, dont put your life on hold for him,

Answer 6

I wouldnt just throw in the towel but the whole damn line4n closet. Cant you see whats goin on here.. He is trying to have his cake and eat it to.. Its either on or off. My ex husband put me through that and I found out why later when I showed him the door. He had another girl and was waiting to see if it was going to work out with her before he dumped me but instead I beat him to it.
You are worth so much more than this and who gives him the right to put your life on hold.

Answer 7

It's over, there will be no reconciliation after that kind of separation. Trust factors will always be diminished and the chances of it working are not very good. The sooner you get on with your life the better off you'll be. Good luck, God Bless.

Answer 8

Please leave that same thing happen to me.I waiting all for nothing> All he did was cheat while i ended up hoping he came back. He just wants u around just in case his plan dint work. Don't do that to yourself or children if u have any.Get out so that u can heal if you don't your just prolonging the pain.

Answer 9

I left my husband before. It was during that time I realized how much I truely love him. Counseling works wonders....it has helped me so much. Go talk to some one you will be glad you did later....

Answer 10

He walked out on you and cheated. You have every right to leave the marriage since he violated his vows already. Don't feel guilty, you're better than him.