Is monogamy natural or is it something we "should do"....?

Question

please no answers about diseases here....Is monogamy something we force on our selves or is it a practice we have been handed down for centuries....or just a practice that works for some...any thoughts?

Answer 1

An excellent Question, Jeff. Monogamy is a practice that has been handed down through a patriarchal millenia -- monogamy or poligamy but we're only speaking of the former here -- so that the males in charge can be certain who it was that sired the children.
It has been theorized that women tend to live communially since child-rearing takes a great deal of energy and more hands make easier work (I could make this into a thesis....)while the men and women who are not bearing or nursing go off and hunt for game. Males tend to live shorter lives, be more territorial and have shorter tempers with the youngsters than females. Lions and other communal units tend to be matrilinial. Humans, it follows, should then be the same.
Monogamy seems to be a forced unifier over x-number of centuries by whichever religions (however I'm not discounting those souls who find their own mates nor my own 26 years with Truckinotter ;) are in power at the moment. You'll notice that these religions are patrilinial. (bad, bad Otter)

Gods, I love debating this subject...... too bad, I go off-line tomorrow until the move is done! Have a good one, Jeffery!

Answer 2

I, honestly, think that the way society operates now with the way we practice 'supposed monogamy' is exactly the way that we are biologically supposed to behave. Before you dismiss my comments please read on. This way of couples marrying and then fooling around on each other has always (Always!) seemed to have been the norm. There must be a reason why this is so. Perhaps it has to do with a man maximizing his genes' chances of survival..and at the same time maintains a secure family bond for children to develop in. I don't know the details...except that generally when a trait has been in existence for multiple generations is usually (always?) a desireable trait for evolution---something that ensures the survival of the species. I am not saying that I agree or disagree with monogamy...From my point of view that is the path that I have chosen....but that is a choice that is to my personal benefit.
BTW I think that this is an excellent question; the type this site is meant for.

Answer 3

Both monogamy and polygamy are natural. We are pulled in different directions by evolution, but it operates slightly differently on the two sexes.

First, let's look at men: On the one hand, if a man impregnates many women, then his genes should spread more widely, which is good. On the other hand, human beings have a very long childhood, so require as much care as possible. It's therefore also advantageous if the man invests time and effort in his offspring once they're born, which is obviously easier to do if he settles down with one woman. A women is also less likely to want a partner who can't devote all his attention to her offspring (more work and less security for her), so there's more pressure on men to woo a woman and make promises of fidelity before he can make love to her.

For women quality beats quantity. It's less important to have children with lots of men: this can have very negative results. Good-quality genes are more important, so the only real evolutionary advantage to sleeping around for a woman lies in finding the best genetic stock. But as she gets lumbered with the baby, she has to be a lot more careful than a man, and there's even more of an imperative for her to find a long-term partner. This also discourages sleeping around, as men are less likely to want to invest time in someone else's baby.

One thing that happens more than we imagine is that a woman marries a man with poor genetic stock, who'll stick by her, but gets pregnant from someone more flighty, who has better genes; she then passes the baby off as her husband's.

Of course there are cultural issues as well: marriage is a way of formalising natural tendencies and helping to avoid strife. Shotgun marriages also happen for obvious reasons. And contraception, of course (especially the pill), changes the whole game...

Answer 4

This view of a relationship reduces the other party to the level of "property" for all practical purposes.
Take into consideration also the value one places on their "relationship" when the primary means of betrayal involves activities involving yours and the other person's body.
This puts greater emphasis on the sexual aspect of the relationship than any other.
Of all the things you should be concerned about, what the other person does with their private parts really should be the least.
Especially if you are using safe sex practices.
I have been in one monogamous relationship- I will never do that again.
Monogamy appears to bring out all those qualities in a person that should be considered less than desirable.
This brings out behaviors such as:

Jealousy, envy, greed, etc...

My ideal partner is none of these things. I do not appreciate feeling like property. It also bothers me if the other person's greatest concern is what I do with my own body.
This point of view also confuses the issue of casual sex/love.
Sex is not love.
Terms such as "making love" only serve to blur the distinction between the two and is largely responsible for the fantastic amount of failed relationships in this society.
Consider for a moment the astronomical divorce rate and tell me I'm wrong.
The concept of monogamy is flawed in my opinion. People should focus more on responsible and safe sex practices instead.

Answer 5

I honestly believe that monogamy is an invention of patrilineal society, and it arose probably 2000 or 3000 years ago.

When a baby is born, it's obvious to everyone who the mother is, but the onlookers only have the woman's word as to who the father is. In a group led by men, what a woman says may not carry much weight.

In a society ruled by might putting the strongest in control, men will dominate. The men want to be sure they are passing on their land, possessions, and such to their own flesh and blood. The only way they can be sure is by controlling access to the female.

Thus monogamy was born.

Some societies have gone to ridiculous lengths to assure an heir comes from the correct male. The Forbidden City in Beijing had only one sexually functioning male: the emporer. All other men were eunuchs.

Call me a Marxist if you like, but it rather seems like private property fueled monogamy.

Answer 6

It's natural - though like most other 'natural' things that humans do, we're capable of overcoming it. It's a weak tendency at best. I'm not saying whether it's good or bad to go against it, I'm just saying that it's clearly something ingrained, but just as clearly, it's not an overwhelming urge.

And you'll probably find fairly strong points of view on both sides. Monogamous people saying that it's the way things were meant to be, and polyamorous (or what have you) people saying that we all naturally feel as they do, but some people just repress it. In point of fact, they're both wrong - it's just one of those things you have to figure out how to balance for yourself. Aside from 'this or that is right for me', there can be no right answer to this.

Answer 7

I think both mono and polygamy are normal and should both be tolerated.

It's part of culture as well. In ours people make such a big deal about "cheating" and the sort while in many other cultures and countries men are marrieing 4 woman.

I think people are paranoid about this stuff becuase it's different to them. For alot of people It's hard to find a lover now a days everyones taken. Maby if people shared more we wouldn't have this problem.

Answer 8

I think for the most part its a natural thing, humans are one of the creatures that tend to "mate for life". We usually have a strong connection to our partners.
Sometimes they end up not being the one for us, though, so we look elsewhere. Everyone is different, though.

Answer 9

I think it varies from person to person.

I know I'm natually Monogamous...but not everyone is.

I personally won't stay in a non-monogamous relationship...but there are many who are very happy in "open" or "poly" relationships.

Answer 10

personally, if I'm in love I have no desire for anyone else........I'm still in love with my partner, she left town months ago and I still cant fully enjoy sex most of the time, I have actually had flashbacks of her while I'm having sex with someone else..........its a horrible catch 22......I'm single and yet still feel married to her........