Last night my husband came home and completly tore into me. I was told that the the house was to messy or in his exact words "You must like to live like a pig" They house wasnt perfect but it wasnt trashed. There was a few dishes in the sink from dinner, a load of laundry in the bathroom I hadnt gotton to and a few toys on the playroom floor. Thats it!!!! I was then told that I had let myself go and gotton fat since I've had our 2 kids. I stand 5 ft tall and where a size 2 for christ sake!!!!! No my tummy isnt as flat as it use to be but after a c-section with my last one it never will be short of having a tummy tuck. I mean I'm not one of those stay at home moms that run around in sweat pants day in and day out. I do my hair and make up , etc...... 90% of that time as long as my kids arent sick or we arent having a super crazy day. I dont get what his problem is???? I've refused to speak to him since this last night.
2007-05-31 12:23:13 · 34 answers · asked by Luv_My_Baby 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Although I wouldn't want to add fuel to the fire, at a size 2 you are probably as small as you should ever be. Don't make yourself sick or unhealthy because he had a bad day. I don't blame you for being mad. Just because you are a stay-at-home mom doesn't mean you are a maid or a slave to your home. He needs to get over being so perfect. Your biggest charge in life are your children. The dishes will be there later, but that little smile from your precious ones will not. I think you are doing great!
2007-05-31 12:30:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most likely your husband had a bad day at work, couldn't take it out with anyone at work, so lucky you, you were his punching bag. This still doesn't excuse his rude words and behavior.
You are right to refuse to speak to him after he tore into you that way. How dare he ? A few questions: does he do any cooking, cleaning, laundry, care for the children when he comes home from work ? If he doesn't, then I suggest that you give him the opportunity of doing everything, and he can see what it entails. Then he'll think twice before he complains.
And regarding your body, ask him how many children he bore, and how many C-sections he endured. Also let him know that you will be working out sat a gym, while he does tasks at the house, cooks and cares for the children. In the future, you'll also be getting your hair done regularly, along with manicures, and pedicures.
If seen it so many times how women sacrifice themselves and their interests to care for the house, husband, and children while also working full-time. And instead of being appreciated for all they do, they are taken for granted and abused. If you don't care for yourself, they won't either.
You have turned over a new leaf, and will now become a "Miss America" at his time and expense. Touche !
2007-05-31 12:39:03 · answer #2 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you are married to him and that makes it hard to just up and leave. I think that he is being a jerk and is not taking into consideration what you DO do all day rather then what you are NOT doing. Men dont always get that. Sometimes you just have to spell it out to them what you have done all day and that you are only one person and if it bothers him so much to help you out and then it wont be messy because the two of you will be working together and keeping things nice looking. Also you mentioned toys so I am assuming you have kids. I dont know how old they are but its never too soon to teach them how to pick up and keep things tidy. Make it like a game. A fun pick up game and reward them for helping you. This way you get your house work done and they are learning valuable lessons they will use later in life and discipline.
2007-05-31 12:29:46 · answer #3 · answered by Natalie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am SHOCKED, what a prick I was just going to say man rags, but thats really unfair.
I know how you feel, everynight when my partner gets home from work the house is clean, there might be a few toys on the lounge room floor or a couple of glasses in the sink because I dont see the point in doing the dishes more than once a day when you are trying to look after children and actualy LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!. And last night when I went to talk to him about his dog chewing everything in the house he went crazy and said pretty much what your husband said to you, he didn't call me fat because I would of kicked his **** (8mths preggers) but he was saying the house is always messy and I'm a useless whore who doe snothign all day.
MEN ARE SUCH PRICKS
2007-05-31 12:29:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This could be two things:
First, he could have just had a bad day - it happens to the best of us, and he will eventually apologize for his outburst (unless he is an insensetive prick)
The second is far less likely - but one of the first things that happens when someone starts having an affair is that they start blaming YOU for everything (it's a mechanism to get the guilt out of his system). Has his behaviour changed in any other ways recently?
I pray that it was just a one-time outburst - otherwise he is slowly starting down the road to becoming a (mentally) abusive husband...
2007-05-31 13:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by kr_toronto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd talk to him and see if he's had any extra stress at work or whatever. Sometimes men can be just as finnicky as women. When he comes home today, have the house all nice and freshly clean, and get a bit dressed up. Do your hair and makeup, and wear an outfit you know he likes. Suggest that you find someone to watch the kids, and make it a night for you and him ALONE at home. See what happens then.
2007-05-31 12:31:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The house isn't the problem. Give him a hug and a kiss, and say I love you and I want to make this better. What's wrong at work or the real reason behind the outburst. If he doesn't normally act out like this, then take the time to help him through this and don't ***** about his attitude. Be loving, caring, and understanding. He's got something going on and you need to stay calm.
2007-05-31 12:45:30 · answer #7 · answered by wet_jeanlouise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep giving him the cold shoulder I would even go as far as making him sleep on the couch. But it sounds like your husband thinks because he works and you stay at home he controls everything I would keep my eyes open on his attidude from now on. not saying he will get phyiscally abusive but he did get verbally abusive and that's the next step. if he doesn't apologize talk to him when the kids are in bed and tell him that a size 2 is not fat. and that being a mom dealing with the kids and house work is a lot of work and if he thinks it's so easy then maybe he should stay home and you go to work. see how hardd it is for him then.
2007-05-31 12:31:03 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not an excuse for him, but sometimes men who have wives that are stay at home moms harbor resentment. Sometimes this comes out as some mean comments now and then. I'd just tell him that his comments hurt your feelings and that you work hard to keep your house running properly. It doesn't matter if there are some things out of place sometimes, your house is where you live, it's not a museum.
2007-05-31 12:28:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband's love language is "Acts of Service." It also sounds like he just had a really bad day at work and took it out on you, which he shouldn't have done, but it's done, so....
Don't let this eat at you. Forgive him, do a spring cleaning, and make him an awesome dinner. Then gently tell him that he hurt your feelings with his comments. Empathize with him that you realize he probably just had a bad day. Watch him shrink in his chair.
This will not only diffuse his argument against you, you will feel better not giving into anger.
2007-05-31 12:41:16 · answer #10 · answered by LilyBelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋