Summary: I was his friend for 6 years... he had a lot of disfunction in his home... Wife always drunk, almost ran him over (he got hurt very badly), wife was physically and verbal abusive... total disfunction. I had no intention of falling in love with him... it wasn't an instant attraction... I and all those who viewed his disfunction felt bad for him... Then he finally left... we became closer and closer and started dating... I fell in love with him... his warmth... He says that he is not going back to her, but he continues to pay all the bills and has not filed... He said it's because he wants to fix himself first... How long do I wait... I can't stand the fact that I'm dating a married guy. But I love him so much and believe that he loves me too. When I try to walk away, he cries and begs me back... I don't want him to divorce her for me... but for himself... He's been seeing a counsellor for about 6 months now...
2007-05-31 11:32:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It hurt me to read the answers, but they all do make a lot of sense... I am going to counselling, but it helps to listen to the way others view things... I know I have to let him go, but it hurts because I never had the caring and warmth that he gives me... But it's not enough I guess... Thank you all again
2007-05-31 12:50:12 · update #1
You said it...because he wants to fix himself first. He needs time and further counseling. 6 months is not very long in counseling after such a dysfunctional marriage.
You need to accept the fact that he might try to reconcile with his wife. He is a married man and you could get hurt badly.
2007-05-31 11:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what state you are in, but let me explain the procedure in Arkansas (where I am a paralegal). Even if your boyfriend's ex filed for divorce over 2 years ago and he did not file a timely response, the Court will usually close out the file after 12 months of inactivity. Meaning, if neither she nor her attorney have filed a divorce decree, hearing notice, etc. within 12 months from the date of the last activity, the Court would most likely close out the file giving your boyfriend the opportunity to file for divorce. First, he needs to call the clerk's office and give them the case number and see if the file is still open. If it is, he should be able to file a counterclaim for divorce. But, my guess is that it is closed by now, so he would need to hire an attorney to draft a Complaint for divorce, summons, etc. and have her served, schedule the hearing, etc. Hope this helps!
2016-03-13 03:38:45 · answer #2 · answered by Lauren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. I am putting myself in your situation. I would tell him that it is nice that he feels that he need to work on himself, but maybe he should do it without alaready being in another relationship because you don't need his marriage drama always lingering when you guys are trying to start a new relationship. I don't want to sound judgmental, but while he is married seperated or not he is still MARRIED. If you are as important to him as he say that you are, he should consider your feelings and the way that it makes you feel to be laid up with a married man. In spite of what he says, it is really possible for him to go back home to his wife. It happens all the time. Please put yourself first. It is truly selfish of him to be with you and continue to be married, as opposed to filing for a divorce and refusing to dishonor you as a woman by not handling his business without involving you. It sounds like he is having his cake and eating it too. How do you know that he's not promising her a reconciliation? If he was truly done with the marriage the divorce could have been a thing of the past by now. Good luck and please put yourself first.
2007-05-31 11:44:33 · answer #3 · answered by lawanda b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious that he like the drama and the pity from all those around him! He can work on himself and still get a divorce. I think maybe your should go to counseling for yourself. You might be an enabler to him. If that's the case, you will never get what you want from the relationship.
Personally, it's time to move on, and I think you do know it deep down.
2007-05-31 12:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone has their own reasons sometimes you have to wait or you`ll never know don't let him go. you love him so much that you cant see yourself leaving him, he obviously has not filed for various reasons but what can you do? its hard to stay but in the end im sure it will all work for you i mean if he begs for you back that should be a sign so i wish you luck and i hope everything works out for you so tell me how things go email me at god_roxxks_soxx@yahoo.com
2007-05-31 12:03:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once you stop being his crutch, he may actually be able to make a decision. Personally, I dont believe his counselor is helping much either. After 6 months he should be making some kind of headway into reality.
2007-05-31 11:38:26 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to crap of get off the toilet. And if he is paying HER bill who is paying yours? If you live together move out and move on,he may wake up and smell the coffee if he doesn't you are better off without him. BUT HE WILL BE BACK
2007-05-31 11:42:25 · answer #7 · answered by skeeter195848 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump this spineless looser. He will never leave his wife, he is afraid of her. Your feeling sorry for him only enables his cry baby behavior.
girl, there are too many men out there to be having an anchor tied around your neck.
2007-05-31 11:39:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uh, what a bizarre question... you shouldn't be dating someone who is married, don't you think anything good about yourself at all? Smarten up.
2007-05-31 12:28:10 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to crap or get off the pot!
2007-05-31 11:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋