My husband was dating a lady before we got married. We of course ran into her at the mall, because she still lives here. She also has come in to eat at our restaurant once, maybe twice. I specifically asked him if they had slept together before me and he said NO. I didn't want to feel uncomfortable since she seems to have poped up a couple of times. The other night I asked him again, because we were just talking, and he slipped and said YES. I feel a little weird. I know it was before me, but I am so upset that he would lie to me. Should I be upset? Why would he tel me no years ago, and now I find out Yes? I feel Betrayed. Like the jokes on me. I know now that when he first introduced her to me (we ran into her at the mall) He knew it...She knew it...and I was the dumb@** that didn't!
Am I wrong?
2007-05-31 10:07:41 · 21 answers · asked by Kroeli 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't care that he did sleep with her. That is before me. my question is about the lie!
2007-05-31 10:42:22 · update #1
Thank you for the answeres. Although a few people just don't get it. You are right, and I agreed all along...who cares about what he did before me. The only reason that subject came up was because we ran into her, and she acted suprised, hurt and uncomfortable. So when I see that...of course I am going to ask the question. And by the way, there "fling" was ending when he met me.
2007-05-31 10:53:35 · update #2
Alot of people answering here totally misunderstands your question. You're not asking if it was wrong that he slept with this woman. Obviously that isn't the issue since it was when your husband was single.
You're hurt that he initially lied to you about it. And you have every right to be hurt about that. You are probably wondering what else he might have lied to you about.
Talk it out with your husband so that he understands how you're feeling. I'm sure he doesn't like to be lied to either.
Try to not make a big issue out of it unless you have other marriage issues and this is just the straw that broke the camels back.
Good luck.
2007-05-31 10:15:31 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're entitled to how you feel, theres not a right or wrong answer really. I would be upset. Lying is lying to me, I dont do it, tolerate it or like it. I had a similar situation with my husband and he had to hear about it for weeks and knows full well how I feel about that sort of thing. If he lied about something stupid what makes me think he wouldnt hide anything bigger? I doubt you wouldve felt badly if he told you they had slept together in the first place, it's the lying that is the issue. Talk about that and not the woman and maybe he'll understand why you're upset. Honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. . hopefully it never happens again.
2007-05-31 10:22:54 · answer #2 · answered by mrsNO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many times men will lie just to avoid a potential conflict. They will do it just so they won't have to hear you complain. I tell my boyfriend all the time that it's going to be so much worse when I do find out the truth, because I always do. Men just don't understand that though. I doubt that the other woman was looking at you like a dumb **** , she probably has no idea what your husband has told you. Yeah, I'd be mad at your husband, not because he hooked up with her before you were married, but because he lied for no reason. It's not unforgivable though, but you definitely have the right to be upset.
2007-05-31 10:15:17 · answer #3 · answered by Jessica A 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
His relationship with her isn't important because it's in the past. The fact that he lied to you should tell you something about him though. What else has he lied about. Sure, guys are stupid, and he probably only lied because he wanted to save you from getting upset over nothing BUT he still lied. You need to find a way to explain to him that you're upset about the LIES not the past relationship. If he can't be honest, you don't have much of a relationship, do you? Be careful n ot to drag their relationship into your discussion because then you'll only be reinforcing his belief that it was best not to tell you in the first place.
2007-05-31 10:37:40 · answer #4 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be upset because he lied, but what he did before you met is none of your business. Sometimes people lie about previous relationships just for that reason. What counts now is how he treats her now; i.e., as long as he keeps her at arms-length and respects your marriage, you're fine. Don't waste your time worrying about things that are long past. We all have histories.
2007-05-31 10:13:48 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong!! I would be so upset too. It's the fact that he lied to you. You have accepted that it was his past, but the fact that he lied to you, do you feel that there was something more to the relationship that he had with that other chick? You have every right to be upset because he LIED! He should have told you the truth.
2007-05-31 10:23:53 · answer #6 · answered by 0000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Were you dating him while he was sleeping with her and he was cheating on you? If that's the case, you definitely have the right to be upset with him. If this was a girl that was way before you were even together than I'd let it slide. Ask him why he felt he had to lie to you about it though. Maybe he just thought it would upset you unnecessarily.
2007-05-31 10:12:28 · answer #7 · answered by sarahjaniepoo 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think your anger is justified because he lied. What the lie was about is irrelevant. The problem is: what are you going to do about it? Are you going to talk it out with your husband and let him know how you feel betrayed by his lie? IMO: if left unchecked, this feeling of betrayal can lead to a loss of trust.
2007-05-31 10:23:25 · answer #8 · answered by Gail T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly I would be mad too. And I would feel the same way you do. like haha the jokes on me? yeah, thats exactly how i'd feel.
but I've learned that if something like this arises, and you feel really uncomfortable with it, the only way to get past it is to talk to your hubby about it, If he's like mine, he's going to say oh it was in the past just let it go, and ya know what? he's right. it IS in the past, he wants you to let it go, because he has.
but If you still continue to run into this woman all the time, at strange places, just tell him you'd like to avoid her, and if he gets upset with that, then i'd be questioning his integrity.
2007-05-31 10:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by mannasox 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband about how you feel. Tell him you feel betrayed and ask him why he lied...maybe didn't want to tell you because he feared your reaction. I don't think anyone really likes hearing about/seeing their partner's ex-girlfriends.
But make sure to communicate with him about it. Clear the air!
2007-05-31 10:13:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋