Why do some people on here make others defend their decisions?

Question

I see so many questions posted on here by people getting back together with their spouse or forgiving them for an affair (as I am one of them) and usually they state that in their question and are asking about a feeling or a thought...not about their marital status. But its like people look right past the question at hand and judge the whole situation not even knowing the whole story or the circumstances and start saying the cheater will always cheat, or the betrayed wasnt doing enough to keep the other happy. If they are asking whether to go or stay is one thing...yeah voice your opinion...but if it is something else why cant they just answer the question without being so negative about the whole relationship? It doesn't bother me so much, as I am happy with my decision...but I have a friend posting questions on here and she is more confused than ever. Ultimately if you havent been in the situation, you dont know what you would do, only what you think you would do.

Then they feel as if they have to defend theirself for staying or forgiving. like they have to explain why they chose that route. Its not fair to someone looking for real answers from people.

Answer 1

There are a lot of single, inexperienced, immature people giving "marriage & divorce" advise.

The fact is that many marriages CAN be rebuilt and CAN be stronger and more loving after an affair. An affair by either spouse CAN bring buried issues in a relationship out into the open so they can be dealt with and resolved. It takes work but it can be done.

It doesn't happen in all cases of infidelity, but it can happen. If the couple love each other and work through the problems together and with a good marriage counselor, the chances are very good.

Answer 2

I think we as people want to "feel" our opinion counts. Often we state an opinion when not even asked just to be heard. That seems to be the most important thing to all people is the need and desire to be HEARD. For the most part, judging anyone or anything is not necessarily a good quality, but that is one of our lessons as human beings. Maybe by you simply stating the obvious, someone, one person may look at themselves and decide not to judge another. If that happens then you have done your job as a human being. I feel if we all just supported one another as people, not gender specific or relationship oriented, just as people and the trials of just living, we'd have a much easier society to live in. This is only my opinion. You need to live out your karma as you see fit. I am not sure anyone really has an answer to our questions but it is nice to have a forum like this to just vent. I hope this helps in some way. Tell your friend that she may come across a wonderful answer, but in all likelihood it would be a luck rather than the norm to do so. Best of luck to you and your friend.

Answer 3

If you don't want a response then don't ask a question. Take the good with the bad, you will make you own decision anyway. I personally find it amazing that people need to ask questions to make decisions anyway. If the answers confuse you, you probably shouldn't be asking questions.

That being said, just because you have not been through a particular situation doesn't mean you can't give good advice, or know what you would do. Many people are not so weak of mind that they couldn't do the right thing just because the situation is new to them.

Answer 4

Remember that everyone has a different way of looking at things. Remember that when people post a question they give a brief description of the situation so depending on how much information we get is how we make an opinion!

At the end of the day the person in the situation will have to make the decision!

Good luck

Answer 5

Number one these answers shouldnt be taken that seriously. Its just a curiousity to see what other people might say. They should only listen to close people who know both of them in the relationship.
There are a range of people on here, some passing time, some really trying to help, and some.. I dont know a category for. For those responding so negatively theyve probably been really hurt and went another way or havent experienced it at all.
Only people who have gone through a similiar situation are able to give you on the spot advice that MIGHT be of any kind of help.
If your friend is taking it to heart and only ending up more confused, then tell her to post "what should I wear to this party tonight" kind of questions and not anything that effects her life so emotionally.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Nobody can "make" you do anything, but if people are going to post personal things online, it's natural that those reading the posts are going to pick out the part that resonates with them the strongest, to reply to...many people have strong feelings on cheating, so that's naturally what they will address.

Also remember, it's regular folks here...there are few (if any) professional counselors so it's like you stopping someone on the street that you don't know, and asking them how to deal with a life threatening medical issue. You may luck out and stop a doctor who can give you valuable information, or you may stop someone who is clueless and whose advice would end up killing you if you followed it.

If your friend is "more confused than ever" then perhaps it's professional help she needs. We're just common folk here, opinionated and not always as open minded as we could be or should be...but our answers are also FREE.

Take what works or sounds good from here, discard the rest, and don't be thin-skinned if you are going to post on the internet. My 2¢

Answer 7

Well the truth is that this forum isn't always good for 'good advice' when it comes to those types of situations. It could simply be how the asker phrases their question, how much info they leave out etc. The asker must know ahead of time to take all answers with a grain of salt and hope that something someone says is helpful. I actually find sometimes that a challenging or disagreeing answer is exactly what I needed to hear. It's clearer when we aren't right in the middle of it. Although I did have one question that I worded poorly and got almost all negative/unhelpful answers, so it just depends.

Answer 8

If you based your life on answers you receive in yahoo! answers-you will never be happy-remember these are just opinions. And you shouldn't let people you don't even know affect your life so much. I would be careful what i ask in here, but some people have been through some things and are really passionate about certain subjects where others will just be rude. remember misery loves company and someone may be miserable that states a negative opinion because they are unhappy-so don't take these answers to heart-most of these people don't specialize in psychiatry so don't expect educated answers-just regular people with regular opinions.

Answer 9

People are giving their opinion. That's what this whole site is for.

What's the problem? If you don't like the answers, don't read them. But the world doesn't work so that you only get the sugar coated or only the answers you want to hear. It's just like the real world outside, you get every bodies opinion, good and bad.

You're putting your personal life out there so that anybody can judge it. If you can't stand the heat, stop asking personal questions

Answer 10

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