!!!Poem Help!!!!?

Question

This poem is about self relience- it needs more figurative language and the rhyme scheme needs to be fixed. Can someone attempt to fix theese problems and others in the poem.

Thank You-


"The Path of Life"

There are many paths in life to take
That lead you to places unknown
It is up to you to determine your fate,
Without someone else deciding your own.

Do not let persuasions of others overcome you,
Fight them off one by one;
Clear your thoughts and your mind,
Remember, you are the only one who can decide.

There may be times where you feel alone,
Like no one is on your side;
Echoes of other’s opinions scramble in your head,
But your true distinction will soon be shown.

When it comes to deciding on which path you take,
Your mind is already made up;
Even if your path is different from the rest,
You will have confidence in your decision,
Knowing it was your own and the best.

Answer 1

"The Path of Life"

Many paths are there in life for you to take
To destiny lead and yonder spaces unknown
The path is narrow, nettles prick,choose your fate,
You alone my dear must decision make trust your own.

Blissful gems cast for others mislead your own is just,
Battles await, scorpions stings one by one; Behold!
Cobwebs must not entangle decision, your mind entrust
Always obey your conscience your treasures to unfold.

Time casts its spell, Alas you tread lonely and alone,
Like a fleet-footed buccaneer, groping, 'blown. . . .!
Hearkening to echoes of ideals baiting your head unknown,
But your self-identity will soon be shown.

When cobwebs and nettles block the path you take,
Your own mind like a kite will fly up confident with the deal;
Even if zero is the fora and flora to obey the rest,
You will confide in your own ideal be decisive in ordeal,
Comfortable in your own conscience at last it is the best.

Answer 2

Well, a poem is a very personal thing. I've written, edited, etc for a long time. Here's my take on yours. Good luck!

Paths are many in life we take
Leading to places unknown
You must determine your fate
No one else; you alone.

Detractors voices assault you,
Shut them off one by one
Hear clearly your own hearts song
No one else; you alone.

At times you’ll feel abandoned
Ghost whispers, echos gnaw you
Resist, be strong, travel on.
No one else; you alone.

You know the path you must travel,
You’ve searched you heart and mind,
Armed with heart, strive, stride out
As no one else, as you alone!