cheating spouses?

Question

my husband and I have had a lot of problems the last few months and so have been going to counseling every week to work thru things. During this time he confessed to cheating on me and just last night I revealed that I too had cheated on him. The last time I cheated was 8 months ago and since then I have recommitted myself to my home and family. I have vowed to never to that again, not just to him, but to myself as well. But now I feel like since I told him what I had done that he may go out and cheat again. We are trying to build the trust again, but I dont know how to do that very well. Should I just relax and realize that he prolly feels the same way I do as far as never letting it happen again? After all, he has told me time and time again that he wont cheat on me. I guess I still have my doubts, and I am confussed what to do. *Sigh* thanks for all input

Answer 1

Don't listen to these knuckle-heads Lady D. It is not doomed, and if it is , life will always give you other roads to travel. You have a heart full of passion and remorse. No relationship is perfect.."none". So sit back and try to make the best of the situation. Relax, (if you can) and see where this will lead. You seem hurt but don't let guilt be your guiding light. Mistakes were made. You can forgive...but you will never forget. If you can live with that than so be it. If not expand your sexuality to new horizons and look on your past as another lesson threw life. Life is short, be happy....not just content!

Answer 2

When we enter into a relationship, we don’t think about a cheating spouse or how we would catch a cheating spouse if we had one! Instead we look forward to knowing that there is another person in our life. When we begin a relationship, we know we have someone who will be there when we get home from work, visit our family, and help us through life’s difficult times. The possibility that our spouse will cheat is rarely considered, much less what to do if cheating occurs. Unfortunately, due to modern technology and society’s increasing permissiveness, the promises that are made when two people enter into a committed relationship can be easily broken. There are many ways for a person to cheat on their spouse. Knowing these will help anyone catch a cheating spouse! The five most common behaviors of a cheating spouse are: Cheating spouses begin to appear distant and irritable. They care less about some routine issues and are easily upset by others. They may be feeling the stress that accompanies maintaining deceptive behavior in a relationship. Angry behavior can be self serving; the cheating spouse may feign being upset so they can indignantly storm out of the house. They are absent for long periods of time. Computer time increases without explanation. The internet has exploded with websites dedicated to helping people meet for coffee, dinner, and just about anything else. A cheating spouse will spend large blocks of time on the computer, sometimes when the faithful spouse is asleep. When asked about activity online, the cheating spouse may become evasive or defensive because they don’t want to disclose what they have been doing. Also, they will delete their website search history to avoid detection. Phone communication becomes unusual and raises suspicions. When someone calls, and the faithful spouse answers, the caller hangs up. In addition to being rude, this could be a wrong number, or it could be someone who only wants to speak to the cheating spouse. If the cheating spouse does answer the phone, they speak in a whisper or they quickly hang up. If anyone asks who called or if there was a number on the caller ID, the cheating spouse doesn’t answer the question, or they erase the caller’s phone number immediately after ending the call. Cheating spouses suddenly develop uncharacteristic interests, for example, man who spends Sunday watching sports on television may begin to claim an interest in attending a museum exhibit or participating in an outdoor cultural event. Conversely, a woman who has continually expressed a lack of interest in sports will unexpectedly have knowledge of a specific sport, or she will be able to discuss the history of a team’s performance in that sport. Money becomes an issue in unexpected ways. The faithful spouse sees a credit-card statement listing new vendor names or expenses, a notice detailing a newly revised cell-phone calling plan, or a change in the amount of money being deposited into a joint account.

Answer 3

The relationship isn't working shug. You are cheating and he is cheating and there is always a reason for cheating and if that reason is you or the other person then the cheating will eventually continue.

You two cannot deceive yourselves. Counseling will only get you so far but it will not fix inherit problems in the relationship.

When you lose the trust there is nothing more. You shouldn't have to work to be in love with someone. The work should be in the relationship but not in the actual loving.

Answer 4

It seems that you both want to put everything that happened (including the cheating) behind you. It may sound too simple, but I think that if you both talk about that issue and decide that each of you will put it behind you, that is your start. Maybe write notes stating that "cheating was wrong" and "promise to be faithful" placing them in a shoe box and bury in your backyard will help. Above all, you can't love without trust so you both must do something before it is too late.

Answer 5

Trust takes a life time to build and can be destroyed in a moment. If both want to stay together you must start all over again. Very painful, but if you are committed to that, it can be done. One day at a time.

Answer 6

Tough situation. Like anything that you're trying to establish, just take it one day at a time. Take small steps and work up to the trust that will make the relationship last. Good luck!!

Answer 7

The best question to ask him and yourself is, "Why will I never cheat again?"

When you can both tell each other the answer to that, you may have a chance.

Answer 8

It's hard to built trust once it is lost and to be honest it might take years. Its something that you both will try and throw in each others face all the time when your mad, but fight the urge and try to move on as happily as possible.

Answer 9

If he already cheated on you then there is a possiblity he wont. Maybe he does see it as you do and now will restart the relationship. Im glad you decided that was best for you.

Answer 10

Just ask him. Do you feel what we got is something worth working and fighting for? What basic rules can we agree on to rebuild the trust? And how are we going rebuild the friendship? Can we forgive and start over? Talk, talk, talk! And.....good luck!